Jill Margaret Shulman - College Admissions Cracked: Saving Your Kid (and Yourself) from the Madness

So, your child is a high school junior. Youve known for a long time this day would come. Youve heard other parents with kids older than yours whisper the word college like it was a terminal disease. Youve seen the taut, maniacal grins of those parents trying to hold it together, and youve heard tell of the category five hurricane headed your way. Weathering and conquering the college admissions process with a teenager is a daunting affair. Maybe even the thought of it is daunting for you; maybe not. Regardless, very soon, advice will pour in through friends, your childs guidance counselor, and your mothers neighbors cousin, if it hasnt begun trickling in already. The minute your child takes her first standardized test, glossy college catalogs will bombard your mailbox the way hundreds of Hogwarts invitations jetted through the Dursleys fireplace at the beginning of Harry Potter. Youll feel the atmospheric pressure change when the seniors submit their college applications. Their parents faces will soften and relax, and the flaming torch will be passed to you. Thats where I come in.

Please put your hands where I can see them. Whether youre sporting a fresh manicure or your fingernails are bitten to the quick, its okay. Its all okay here. Now slowly, put that torch downyes, snuff it out right there in the water bucket. You have entered the safe space of our support group, and I am your facilitator. I have decades of experience as a college admissions evaluator, college essay coach, professional writer, college writing instructor, and parent. I have gone through the college admissions process with my daughter, and we both came out the other side. Now my son is a high school junior, like your child. Like you, Im busy working, shopping for food, cooking it (or begging someone else to cook it), making sure everyones where theyre supposed to be on time, managing who needs the car, paying bills, filling out school forms and tax forms and medical forms, taking out the trash, and feeding the dog. Life doesnt leave me much time to navigate one more thing, but here I am. Here we are. Im your highly credentialed ally and resource who needs this support group as much as you do.

Look, you may have pictured yourself as a nucleus of calm with all those other crazy parents swirling around you like electrons when this time came. I did too, but Ive learned that you cannot be that parent all the time. There will be moments when you find yourself with your toes dangling off the edge of Anxiety Cliff, where this process has driven even the sturdiest among us. My goal is to talk you down, arm you with information, and keep you laughing, even if it sounds like the laughter of an insane person. Ive deployed backup in the form of an adolescent psychologist, college admissions counselors, and other parents and students who have survived college admissions just like I have (and you will). In the sanctuary of these pages, we are all here to help you maintain your strength and sense of self-worth, so easily lost somewhere between your teenager screaming, I hate you! Youre ruining my life! and typing your credit card number into the College Boards website for the twentieth time.

Youve got this, and now this support group has got your back.

1. That perfect baby you held in your arms sixteen years ago was only temporarily abducted and replaced with the moody, aloof, or melodramatic teenager who inhabits your house right now.

2. Just because you heard yourself say SAT II, ED, EA, and demonstrated interest in a sentence does not mean you are that parent you vowed youd never become when it was your kids turn to apply to college.

3. You are not behind everyone else just because you have no idea what SAT II, ED, EA, or demonstrated interest means.

4. You are not alone in this craziness. You have us (and your beverage of choice).

5. This too shall pass.

You meet for coffee (or wine) with a mom friend, whose son is a high school junior, just like yours. She ticks off all of the colleges her son has visited, or is planning to visit, or are of interest to him. Your friend, who previously spoke English, is now dropping word bombs like superscore and Coalition App and FAFSA (?!) and using familiar words like ranked and yield in unfamiliar ways (see Glossary of College AdmissionsRelated Terms You Can Never Un-Know). You have taken your son to visit exactly zero colleges. You hide behind your coffee mug (or wine goblet), sipping (or chugging) with abandon, trying to hide your expression of concern (or terror).

Your friends perfectly lipsticked lips are still moving, but her voice fades away, and your internal monologue takes over with something along the lines of Should my kid have already begun visiting colleges, or taking tests, or doing SOMETHING for college admission, and if so, what should I have been doing to help him all along, and what should I be doing right now instead of sitting here with this person who has her life totally together, lifting this cup of coffee (or wine) to lips I havent bothered to lipstick, but maybe if I were a mom who bothered with lipstick, Id be on top of this college thing. Am I behind? Is it too late?

You are right where you should be. You are so far from alone that I created this support group for youfor us. That other mom was just as nervous as you were. As a defense mechanism, she shored up as much information as possible to make herself feel more in control. Thats just how she rolls. By expelling that information into the air between you, she didnt mean to make you feel like a teeny-tiny cowering bug of a parent. She was merely building herself up to boost her own confidence that shes been a good mother for sixteen years, good enough to handle this situation, which is less about college admissions and more about the gradual, painful, deeply emotional process that lurks beneath the entire act of parenting: letting go. Your friend applied that lipstick because when you proceed into the world perfectly coiffed with a red lip, you know for sure that despite any obstacle that may get the better of you, at least you started out the day doing something to arm yourself against it. Maintaining composure begins with a little self-care and a big dose of demystification of the college admissions process, which this book will provide.