Karen Mills-Francis - Stay in Your Lane: Judge Karens Guide to Living Your Best Life

This is a work of nonfiction. Some names and identifying details have been changed.

Copyright 2010 by Karen Mills-Francis

All right reserved.

Published in the United States by One World Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

O NE W ORLD is a registered trademark and the One World colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reprint previously published material:

Beyond Words Publishing, Inc.: Autobiography in Five Short Chapters from Theres a Hole in My Sidewalk, written by Portia Nelson. Copyright 1993 by Portia Nelson. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted with the permission of Beyond Words Publishing, Inc., Hillsboro, OR.

Krishnamurti: Excerpt from Freedom from the Known, written by Krishnamurti. Copyright 1969, renewed by Krishnamurti Foundation Trust, Ltd.
All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.

Dr. John H. Sklare: Excerpt from The Daily Reflection Newsletter, written by Dr. John H. Sklare. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
Reprinted with the permission of Dr. John H. Sklare.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Mills-Francis, Karen.

Stay in your lane : Judge Karens guide to living your best life / Karen Mills-Francis, in collaboration with Roy L. Brunson and Veronica Mills-Raymond.
p. cm.

eISBN: 978-0-345-52484-3

1 Conduct of life. 2. Self-realization. 3. Mills-Francis, Karen.
I. Brunson, Roy L. II. Mills-Raymond, Veronica. III. Title.

BJ1581.2.M556 2010
170.44dc22 2010019685

www.oneworldbooks.net

v3.1

This book is dedicated to my parents,
Theodore and Andrea Mills,
and to my grandparents, Lee and Elvira McKinney

A ccording to an old Hindu legend, there was a time when all men were gods, but they misused and abused their divinity. The chief god, Brahma, decided to take away mans divinity and hide it in a place where man would never again find it. Where to hide it became the big question.

When the minor gods were called together to consider this question, they said, Lets bury mans divinity deep in the earth. But Brahma said, No, that will not do, for man will dig deep down into the earth and find it. Then they said, Well, then, we can take his divinity out to the deepest part of the ocean and submerge it there. But again Brahma replied, No, not there, for man will soon learn to dive into the deepest waters and will search throughout the bottom of the ocean and will find it.

Then the minor gods said, We will take it to the top of the highest mountain and hide it there. But again Brahma replied, No, for man will eventually climb every high mountain on earth. He will be sure someday to find it and take it up again for himself. Then the minor gods simply gave up and concluded, We do not know where to hide it, for it seems there is no place on land or in the sea that man will not eventually reach.

Then Brahma said, I have an idea. We will hide mans divinity deep down inside of man himself, for he will never think to look for it there. Ever since then, the legend concludes, man has been going up and down the earth, climbing, digging, diving, exploring, searching for something that is already inside of himself.

M y judicial background inspires me to live my life inside the context of truth and justice. This, combined with many personal and life-altering experiences, qualifies me to speak the truth, the whole truth, and yes, sometimes the bitter truth. We all have a unique story, one that speaks of the trials and tribulations that make up the human condition, but at the end of the day, we are more alike in our similarities than we are different in our differences. This book represents some of the lessons learned from my own unique experiences, lessons that I hope you too can learn from.

Because I am a judge with my own television show, some people might think that I am removed from the realities of everyday life. While my audience may see me on TV, people have only a glimpse into who and what I am and strive to be. To some, I am a no-nonsense, polished, consummate professional. Let me assure you, though, there is plenty of my stuff, which I continue to work on each and every day of my life. Although I have lived a full and remarkably wonderful life with few regrets, I have had my share of high points, low points, and downright heartache. These life experiences, good and bad, have made me who I am today.

I am the oldest of five children and Auntie Karen to ten nieces and nephews. Throughout the course of my life I have faced a gamut of difficult and conflicting challenges. I was raised in a one-bedroom apartment with seven people, declared a truant child at age eight by the state of Florida, and ended up applying for, and receiving, food stamps. As I got older, life did not necessarily become less of a challenge. I have had my lights and telephone disconnected, been placed in the backseat of a police car, had a car repossessed, been held at gunpoint in a drug raid, and have been witness to, and victim of, real domestic violence. My employment has included being everything from a restaurant dishwasher to a maid in other peoples homes to working as a sales girl at JCPenney. But I have also sailed across the Hong Kong harbor, celebrated my birthday at an oceanfront estate on the Pacific coast of Mexico, planted a tree at the base of Mt. Kilimanjaro, and even been attacked by a baboon on an African safari.

In the courtroom, as well as in my personal life, I have drawn on my past experiences time and again to shape my decisions on the bench and to help keep me grounded. Its fitting that the slogan I used when running for judge was Sensitive to All. I have walked in your shoes, and I have seen your darkest hour. Life may have gotten more financially comfortable for me over time, but as I witness the pain and suffering of adults and children who cross my path daily, I am moved to help guide them to being whole, as I have been so guided. And I continue to be guided because learning to live your best life is not a destination, it is a perpetual journey. I meet many people who are hurting and lost because they did not have the wisdom of elders to help lead them in their life journey. Through my own light and dark times, I have always had my mother, father, grandparents, and others who were and continue to be excellent role models. Such blessings are meant to be shared. Martin Luther King, Jr., said: The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. In these times of financial greed, shameless self-aggrandizement, and a disconnected, Internet-ruled world, I find myself believing that these are the times Dr. King spoke of: times of challenge and controversy.

At this very moment in my life I feel called upon to step up to the plate and share what I have learned along the way. I know for certain that numerous people are having trouble maintaining a job, paying mortgages, making relationships work, and raising their kids, let alone planning for the future. Every time I sit at the bench in my courtroom, I face people who feel as if they are sinking. Their lives have become full of drama. It may sound too simple to say that all this stems from people not staying in their lane, but I believe thats not far from the truth. Staying in your lane is not simply about minding your own business. Rather, its about