Table of Contents
I dedicate this book to my husband, Christopher. The only man who drives me crazy in every sense of the word.
PART I
Introduction
I associate the it in the title of this book, Its All About the Woman Who Wears It, with a womans identity. After all, every woman wears her own unique identity in a different way. There is no wrong way to be yourself. Being a strong woman is about making the choices and decisions that come from your heart.
There are few things more powerful in the world than listening to your heart and unleashing your power to focus on what you want and who you want to be as a woman. This deep, inner realization can release a tremendous amount of strength into all areas of your life. In turn, it can affect every hat you wear in lifepersonal, professional, and otherwise.
I am excited about sharing my perspectives within this book with you because I am every woman and so are you. We wear many of the same hats, we conquer many of the same life challenges, we struggle with many of the same daunting questions, and at the end of the day, throughout it all, we know we can get it done. We each have that special something inside of us to overcome what often seem like insurmountable odds and make our lives work.
As women we have a certain trio of traits that allows us to succeed. Being smart, successful, and still sexy is not something we need a crash course in. Each of these qualities is woven so deeply into our innate identity as women that we could not lose them even if we tried. So I wonder what it was that tripped us up somewhere along the way. It is for this reason that I was inspired to develop my own laws to help us all achieve a smart, successful, and sexy identity in all areas of our lives. I knew that my task for this book would be to teach women how to tap into the strongest parts of our identitiesthe smartest, most successful, and sexiest pieces of ourselvesand then use that power to overcome lifes most formidable obstacles.
Therefore, my own laws focus on universal issues that we have a notoriously hard time mastering on our way to success including inner strength, prioritizing our opinions over other peoples opinions, living outside of our comfort zones, marriage and relationships, wasting emotions on people who just arent worth it, friendship, balancing roles in life, pushing past fear of change and reinvention, and living with decisions once weve made them. My goal is to help us all confront these issues head-on so that we can live the best versions of ourselves as women.
As women we have more potential and power to shape our lives and the lives of those around us than most of us will ever realize. Now, all we need to do is stop getting in our own way and tap into that potential. I have written my own laws as a way of holding up a giant mirror to all of womankind and saying, Do we even realize that we are doing this, that, and whatever? Why are we doing this to ourselves?
One of the questions fans of Cristinas Court ask the most is whether the cases and rulings on the show are true and legally binding. In other words, viewers want to know if the show is indeed reality television. The answer is a resounding yes! What you see is what the litigants get (although I have never personally ordered a litigant to eat bugs, like on some other reality shows). Once those bright television lights are switched off and everyone goes back to their respective corners, the litigants in Cristinas Court cases are legally liable to follow through with my rulings, whether they like it or not.
For the purpose of this book you are not liable or even obligated to do anything I say. Just because I call my advice laws does not mean my bailiff, Renard, will show up on your doorstep to enforce them. I am not a therapist, psychiatrist, or any other type of professional licensed to give you advice. But, as a lawyer and television judge, giving advice is part of my job and a responsibility that I embrace and take very seriously. Of course, my parents are not technically licensed advice givers either, yet they have always given me the best advice, hands down. Most of you would hopefully say the same thing about your own family and friends.
Think about your best girlfriend. You know the one I mean. She is the first person you call when some aspect of your life falls apart. She always gives you the best in-your-face advice that money cannot buy, and when it is time to celebrate, you know there will be a martini glass with her name on it. Even though you dont know me, and we may never have a chance to sip martinis together, I want you to think of me as that girlfriend sitting across the couch, sharing with you the best advice I can offer.
If you have seen me in action on my television shows or otherwise, you know that I am physically incapable of holding back my honest, blunt opinion about people and the situations they get themselves into. Believe me when I say this comes from a helpful place. I never judge for the sake of just judging or yell for the sake of just yelling. Judge for yourself, but the advice I give is genuine, sincere, and always from my heart.
As a way of sharing the advice in this book with you, I have gathered a collection of my observations, my personal frustrations, my experiences, my friends experiences, and highlights of cases from Cristinas Court. This collection addresses the most common mistakes I see women make that sabotage us from reaching our full potential. Believe me, I have heard enough disturbing life stories from female litigants and friends in my life to know that there are things we need to know about ourselves and things we can change to eliminate an awful lot of drama and heartbreak in our lives.
These laws will teach or remind you of ways to avoid these downfalls and allow you to make the best life choices that honor who you are and empower you. The laws are held together by advice and real-life stories that I firmly believe will help women stop making the same mistakes that we have been making forever.
One of the common denominators in all of these stories is women trying to change who they are for someone else. I have watched them take away from their power in order to please a man, not to mention a friend, family member, colleague, or employer.
Why do we do this? Is it because were still secretly buying into the old-fashioned fantasy that men dont want a smart, successful, sexy, empowered woman who is comfortable in her own skin and owns her identity? If you follow that reasoning, then yes, I suppose when a lone woman who did not get that memo breaks free from the pack and flaunts her strength, the rest of the pack could get really upset with her for breaking ranks.
Here is the problem with that theory: It is absolute hogwash. Men are not intimidated by strong women (decent men, anyway). A good man knows that a smart and strong woman does not in any way threaten his own intelligence or self-worth. A good man will admire intelligence and strength in the woman he loves. Not only that, he will find it completely sexy in every way!
Does this mean that you, as a woman, have to deny that in the deepest part of your soul you really would love to be protected and lovingly cared for by the legendary knight in shining armor? Absolutely not! It does not have to be so black-and-white. There is a term I created, largely tongue in cheek, called