Tonya Kappes - Splitsville.com

SPLITSVILLE.COM

An Olivia Davis Paranormal Mystery

Book One

Tonya Kappes

Alsoby Tonya Kappes

CarpeBead em

SomethingSpooky This Way Comes

BelieveChristmas Anthology

TheTricked-Out Toolbox~Promotional and Marketing Tools Every Writer Needs

GrandberryFalls Series

TheLadybug Jinx

HappyNew Life (fall 2011)

NeverTell Your Dreams Before Breakfast (spring 2012)

OliviaDavis Paranormal Mystery Series

Splitsville.com

Thisbook is dedicated to my boys, Eddy, Jack, Austin, Brady,

Charlieand Scooter.

Toall my readers, you keep me going with all your reader mail, Twittering, andFacebook Messages. Without you, my dreams wouldve never come true. Thank you!

Thisbook is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are theproduct of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblanceto actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirelycoincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this publication can bereproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic ormechanical, without the permission in writing from the author or publisher.

Edition:August 2011

Copyright 2011 by Tonya Kappes

All rights reserved.

Coverart designed by Laura Morrigan

www.lauramorrigan.com

What the critics are saying about Tonya Kappes books:

Humorous,fresh and fun, Carpe Bead Em is not to be missed! Bestselling author, JanePorter. Author of Lifetime movie, Flirting With Forty

Carpe Bead 'Emdelivers! Tonya Kappes strings together the perfect blend offamily, friends, and fun. Author Misa Ramirez, Lola Cruz Mysteries

Fun, fresh, and flirty, Carpe Bead Em is the perfect readon a hot summer day. Tonya Kappes voice shines in her debut novel. AuthorHeather Webber, Nina Quinn Mysteries

Fun and fresh, this novel is a great read about finding what'simportant and hanging onto it. With witty dialogue and a fast-paced storylineinvolving unique characters, it will keep you turning the pages for more.

I really enjoyed this book. I even stayed up way past my bedtimeto finish it. It was a well written book with an interesting story line. LoovedHallie, Aunt Grace and all of Hallie's friends. Having been transplanted fromChicago to a much smaller town not knowing anyone I could totally relate.

Carpe Bead'em is fun with a capital F. It's sad, funny,inspiring, quirky, and great chick lit! It shows that you never know what'sround the corner, and anything's possible if you just take a chance on life!Perfect summer reading.

Ms Kappes pulls some of the best elements of women's fiction andchick-lit and yes, there are quirky characters, lessons to be learned, lots oflaughs, and few tears.

I don't write many reviews but some books are so outstanding Ijust have to. This is one of them. Tonya Kappes is one of the freshest newvoices in women's fiction, and I can't wait to read more from her.

There's a new Queen of Quirky-Crazy, High-Class HillbillyCharacters...and it's Tonya Kappes.

In The Ladybug Jinx, Tonya Kappes has created a fictional townyou'll want to visit again and again.

WOW! Tonya Kappes is my new favorite author! I cant wait to readher paranormal series!!

SPLITSVILLE.COM

An Olivia Davis ParanormalMystery

Book One

Tonya Kappes

One

IsBrittany there? I question the quiet voice who answers my call. The quietvoice whose heart is about to get run over by a Mac truck. A Mac truck drivenby me.

Yes,this is her. Brittany confirms while Im uploading her picture sent to me byTerry, her soon to be ex-boyfriend.

ImJenn from Splitsville.com, I say going into my spiel, and Im calling onbehalf of Terry who wants to break up with you.

Brittanyspicture pops up on the screen. My heart bleeds for the smiling twenty somethingyear old gal staring back at me. Her straight red hair is cut in a blunt bob,not a strand out of place. Glistening white teeth come off whiter up againsther perfectly belted black cardigan.

Letme backtrack a minute. Splitsville.com started a couple of years ago when afriend wanted to dump her boyfriend. She was a big chicken, so I did it forher. Called his ass up, broke the news and Splitsville.com was born.

Hereshow it works. Clients contact me through the online form where they give theirname, email address, working phone number, reason for dumping, a few details oftheir relationship, and a picture of the victim and, this is the most importantpart, payment in full. The reason for the cashola up front is in case the dumpis a joke. In that case, they deserve to lose their money for being an ass andI deserve to keep it for having to deal with them.

Ioffer three Break Up packages. The cheapest and most popular is the generalbreak-up for a low price of fifty dollars. The engagement break-up is a littlesteeper at one hundred dollars. It totally should be more because I cantimagine being in the fiancs shoes on this one. And the worst and mostexpensive break-up of all is the divorce break-up setting up the big jerkback a mere two hundred dollars.

Iknow, it sounds heartless, but really, Im helping people who are in lovelessrelationships be free. Like the girl on my computer whos staring back at me.Sometimes, no matter how badly a person wants out, they just cant pull thetrigger. Splitsville.com, which means me, does it instead. Sometimes its noteasy, but its my job so I dont let my emotions into the equation.

Righton cue, she says, Terry hired you? Brittany is starting the first stage inThe Process.

Andthe panic button is being pushed.

TheProcess is a list Ive carefully crafted over the course of breaking up forpeople. No

matterwhat the circumstances of the dump, the process is still the same.

The Process

Panic(This is the first emotion when they hear the words break-up.)

Disbelief(They think Im playing a joke on them.)

Defensive(After they realize Im not joking, they want to explain their side.)

Explanation(They want me to explain the situation all over.)

Denial(This is where they take it out on me and deny my existence.)

Anger(Awwwwhere my ear drum becomes busted.)

Acceptance(Finally! They have to acknowledge the break-up and I can end the call.)

YesTerry hired me to break-up with you. Your obsessive habits drive him crazy. Ionly state the facts in the beginning because I know shes only taking in oneword at a time. And if I get soft, the whole call will go to hell. I show myweakness and its over.

Howdo you know Terry? Her voice is beginning to escalate. Is he cheating on mewith you?

Ahhheregoes number two in the process. She wants to cross-examine me on how I knowTerry.

Itake a deep breath and keep going. One things for sure, this job is not easy. No,Brit. Can I call you Brit? I dont wait for her answer. He hired me to dumpyou because your OCD is getting in the way of your relationship. I look at thesweet picture of Brittany that Terry sent me. I can image the fear in her eyes,especially if shes OCD.

Imsorry? She questions me like she doesnt understand English.

Terryemailed my online break-up service, Spitsville.com. He hired me to break upwith you for him because your OCD is getting in the way of the relationship. Ipractically repeat myself, but its usually necessary. Breakup services, afterall, arent common like matchmaking websites. Im one of a kind.

Okay.Let me get this straight, Terry wants to dump me because Im OCD? She startsto laugh. This is a joke right? Brittany is trying to play nice, but thequiver in her voice cues me in on the beginning of step three in the process.

Ilean back in my chair and roll my eyes. This is definitely going to be one ofthose calls. Anytime there is a medical reason involved, it takes so much moreexplaining. Its not like Brittany can help her OCD.