Brianna Scalzi - SJWs Never Lie

SJWs Never Lie

Despite the claims of evil bigots, those whofight for social justice never lie. And if they did, it would befor the right cause. The once-proud title of Social Justice Warriorhas been dragged through the dirt of prejudice and hate longenough. Now, three prominent writers speak out in their defense,and on the public battles of our time:

I, like, totally, dont pay any attention tothat racist, sexist, homophobic douchevelociraptor Vox Day! Like,whatever, girl! Ten years dont mean nothing! Sashay, snap! Ohand by the way, I can get silly little books banned now, so watchout!

-Brianna Scalzi

Up to 147-time Hugo-nominated author ofOld Tropes War

Harrumph!

-George R.R. Moretons

Bestselling author of A Game ofRapes

Nice job youve got there, oppressor. Funny,I happen to have your home address handy. Your daughters in middleschool, right? And oh look, your bosss phone number

-Sam Piddle

Respected columnist for Stawker Media

Censorship is Tolerance!

Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance isStrength!

By Brianna Scalzi, George R.R. Moretons, andSam Piddle

Foreword by Toadessa Nielsen Haten

Afterword by Ritaskeeter Sarkeesian

Edited by Pratprick Nielsen Haten

Published by TOAD Books

Cover design and interior artwork byAtlantean Arts, Inc.

Artwork incorporates images in the publicdomain.

Copyright 2015 Anthony Gillis

All Rights Reserved

ISBN 9781311356932

Publication History:

First Edition, September 2015

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personalenjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away toother people. If you would like to share this book with anotherperson, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Ifyoure reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was notpurchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.comand purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard workof this author.

This is a work of parody. Any persons, livingor dead, bearing resemblance to characters in this work are publicfigures, and are quoted, paraphrased, parodied, or referenced frompublicly available sources, or under fair use for the purposes ofsatire.

Table of Contents

Foreword

By Toadessa Nielsen Haten

This book?

Enough about this book! I am much moreimportant.

Bring me Puppies, lackeys, so I may kickthem!

Bring them now, to my palace upon thelily-pad.

No kicking isnt enough. My distendedstomach grumbles! My gigantic, puffy throat is inflated, waitingand ready, yet empty. I need food! Bring me Puppies, or insolent,dissident readers of any sort! Bring them now, so I may eatthem.

I shall gobble their succulent, furry flesh,whether Sad or Rabid, just as I gnawed the sweet, tasty souls ofaspiring writers on Absolute Write, Boing Boing, and all my swampylairs on the internet. Ill munch them like cheesy snacks. Illcrunch them faster than my good friend George Rape Rape Moretons ata free buffet! I need food. Food! Now!

Feed me, Seymour!

Wait, what were we talking about? Oh yes,Puppies.

What? Those Puppies bark? They bite?BITE?!?

Eeeep! Croak! Croak!

Hop. Hop. Hop.

Croak! CHORF! Croak!

Er, wait theyre not yet here at mylily-palace. Well then...

I uh I am a strong and independent toad, Imean woman, and Im not afraid! At least with lots of lackeys toback me up and a monitor screen between me and the enemy. Yes, astrong and independent woman like Brianna Scalzi!

Lackeys, I command you, have these accursed,rebellious Puppies rounded up, as we should have done with#Gamergate! Have them declared a criminal organization, and chargedwith felonies! To the pound with them! Off with their heads!

Eh, what?

How dare you interrupt me!

What do you mean Scalzi isnt a woman? Sheidentifies as a woman. Yes she does, obviously. Look at all thedresses

What?

Thoughtcrime?

Did I say she? I meant zee. Or he.Whatever

Hey! Get your hands off me, Im an SJW ingood standing! I am Hapisofi, terror of the author chat boards, andall fear me! I am invincible!

I

Fired?

FIRED?

Inconceivable!

Dedication and Acknowledgments

Dedicated to the proud, very brave, andhighly successful forces of Anti-Gamergate, the Puppy Kickers, andall Social Justice Warriors everywhere!

Brianna Scalzi and George R.R. Moretons wouldlike to thank all those who have contributed to the enforcement ofcorrect thinking across the ages, including:

Qin Shi Huang

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

Girolamo Savonarola

Toms de Torquemada

Joseph Stalin

Pol Pot

The Borg

Sam Piddle would like to thank no one,because they were all wimps compared to him, and far too soft onwrongthinkers.

About the Authors

Brianna Scalzi is like, a Hugo-winning authorand totally the most popular blogger on the internet with up to50,000,000 page views per day, and is way, really way, more popularauthor than that douchedeathstar Vox Day. Not that Brianna caresabout Vox Day either way, because he totally doesnt. Just look athis Wikipedia entry, which doesnt mention a feud with Vox, andthen at Voxs which does mention a feud with Scalzi. See, thatproves it and stuff! A male feminist who proudly wears dresses, heis often mistaken for a 64 ex-Marine badass. Also, Brianna has areally huge yard and a big house and stuff and is seriously, like,best friends with many famous celebrities.

George R.R. Moretons is themultibillion-selling author of the globally famous Song of MyPsychosexual Issues epic personal fantasy saga. As an author ofsuch standing, not to mention girth, he is far above taking sideson such trivial matters as #GamerGate or the Hugo Awards / Puppiescontroversies, and thus anything he says regarding them should betreated as an infallible appeal to his own authority.

Sam Piddle is one seriously badass tough guy,and in no way is he insecure or compensating for anything. Hescompletely self-made, and not remotely a rich kid from a connectedfamily. A lifelong fighter for social justice, and againstprivilege, he, unlike you, is entitled to the money he earns. Hewrites for the most trusted news source in America, and in fact theworld: Stawker Media. In the near future he plans to, personally,go kick the butts of every racist, sexist, homophobic GamerGater,Puppy, and other right-wing shitlord on earth.

Other Books by the Authors

Old Tropes War

Questions for a Crossdresser

Pinkshirts

I Am a Rapist (Credited asWhatever.Scalzi.com, entry dated 2012/10/25)

John Scalzi is Not a Rapist! (Credited asRichard Milhous Scalzi)

John Scalzi is Not Full of Crap (Credited asB.M. Scalzi)

A Game of Rapes

A Clash of Kinks

A Storm of Snores

A Feast for my Bank Account

A Dearth of Editors

The Winds of Wishful Thinking(Forthcoming)

A Dream of Completed Plotlines(Forthcoming)

Huh? Books are for nerds! Real men write forStawker Media.

Censorship is Tolerance! Freedom is Slavery!Ignorance is Strength!

Chapter 1: Like, Whatever and Stuff

By Brianna Scalzi