Richard Milhous Scalzi - John Scalzi is Not a Rapist

Preface: I am Not aRapist, or a Crook

John B.R.M. Scalzi, science fiction legend,up to 147-time Hugo nominee, several time SFWA president,world-adventuring gender-neutral alpha male, charming raconteur,and prominent not-rapist has long been dogged by baselessaccusations of being a man who likes to force himself on women.Claims alleging that in fact, he, John Scalzi is a rapist.

First put forward by some unknown fool whotook hold of Johns own keyboard, and relentlessly perpetuated forseveral years by infamous purged SFWA member Vox Day, thesecompletely false, yet enticing claims have recently been lengthenedand hardened, to throbbing proportions, and in tantalizing detail,by misguided fan Alexa Eren.

Accusations, allegations, and unindictedco-rumors of rapism have insistently pounded upon Mr. Scalzis lifelong enough.

Now at last, the great grand master of SFFbreaks his long self-imposed silence, and speaks in his owndefense.

This very intimate first edition includes aforeword by the SFF luminaries of the Special Bear Club.

A Respected Grand Master of Science FictionRefutes Certain Allegations Made by a Devoted but Mistaken Fan

By Richard Milhous Scalzi

Edited by Pratprick Nielsen Haten

Published by TOAD Books

Cover design and interior artwork byAtlantean Arts, Inc.

Artwork incorporates images in the publicdomain.

Copyright 2015 Anthony Gillis

All Rights Reserved

ISBN [ ]

Publication History:

First Edition, September 2015

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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This is a work of parody. Any persons, livingor dead, bearing resemblance to characters in this work are publicfigures, and are quoted, paraphrased, parodied, or referenced frompublicly available sources, or under fair use for the purposes ofsatire.

Table of Contents

Foreword

By The Special Bear Club

We fully, strongly, and physically closelysupport John Scalzis battle against his wide-spread, but falseallegations of rape. His suffering touches our hearts, and we inturn want to reach out and touch him. John, you poor,suffering, small, cuddly-soft looking and sufficiently young man,come closer for a big bear hug! Much, much closer. Everything willfeel all better in just a few moments.

In support of Xr. Scalzi, we call upon allscience fiction fans, especially the young, to write, call, email,donate, and contribute to his defense in any way they can. We meanthat. Any way they can. Especially the young.

Did we say especially the young twice?

We offer a gentle smile and a long,meaningful gaze in response.

The young, the bright-eyed, energetic, limberand supple young are our future. It is in them we must place ourhopes, and so much more. Their minds, like their bodies, are stillflexible and open to a tolerant, broad-spread worldview. Sodelightfully open and accepting

Erm, where were we? Ah yes.

Their spirits are not yet sullied by anoppressive bigoted world, and their equally pure skin often smellsfaintly of fresh linen. Oh, we have so very many hopes for them.Young fans of science fiction, you may be a bit inexperienced atpublic, uh, outreach campaigns, so please get in close touch withus, and we will be happy to help. Very, very happy indeed.

The only rock-hard criticism we can raisetoward Xr. Scalzi is his somewhat narrow view of humanrelationships. Why have only adult cis and xans women come forwardwith delicious yet baseless allegations? Why do the stimulating yetinaccurate rumors circling him always involve the same? Surely hecould broaden and spread his romantic not-rape interests to includefresh, tender new perspectives?

That said, we lend our wholehearted, driving,passionate support to Xr. Scalzi.

We stand behind you, John.

Right behind you.

The Special Bear Club is dedicated towardeducating the public to yieldingly accept a broader dialoguebetween children and adults, and includes noted science fictionluminaries Ed Kreamer, Phil Sandhillfiller, and Sam DeLayMe, alongwith honorary luminaries such as the brilliant Chris Kleew. Pastmembers include the late Marion Rimmer Broadly, and our founder,the much and frequently loved Walter Tween.

Dedication and Acknowledgments

Dedicated to the all those, everywhere, whohave been falsely accused or self-accused of rape. Unless they areright-wing shitlords, in which case burn, baby burn!

The author would like to thank the followingfor their help during this trying time:

Rolling Stone Magazine, for theirtireless work on behalf of the rights of the accused.

Emma Mattress Girl Sulkowicz, for her workdemonstrating just how subjective reality can actually be.

Haven Monaghan, for not existing, and thusdisproving the rape claims made against him.

Former President of the United States ofAmerica, William Jefferson Clinton, for redefining the meaning ofthe words is and consensual.

Brianna Caitlyn Wu, for sharing a name withme, and for just being so awesome!

And of course, the Special Bear Club. Keep upthe good, hard fight, gxys!

About the Author

John B.R.M. Scalzi is a revered, universallyrespected, grand-cyclops master of science fiction. Several-timepast president of the Science Speculative Inclusive FantasyFiction Writers of America and Other Places, Except for Those Whoare Indie-Published (SFWA), and close personal friend of boththe leadership of TOAD Books and the organizers of ChorfCon, it isno accident he has been nominated for the globally inclusive andcompletely representative Hugo award up to 147 times. No, noaccident at all.

He is the internets up to most popularblogger, with quite possibly 50,000,000 daily hits, and countlesswarrens of loyal fans. A tireless, fearless fighter for socialjustice, for equality except in circumstances where some, such ashimself, are more equal than others, inclusiveness for all heagrees with, and tolerance through deftly applied censorship, hehas long fought for greater diversity of skin-tone and privatesexual interest in speculative fiction.

He notes that while diversity of appearanceand special alone-time internet viewing preference are awesome,diversity of ideas is not, and all those writing in SFF orelsewhere should maintain absolute, mandatory conformity to theprinciples of social justice.

A bachelors-degree graduate of theprestigious University of Chicago, who earned a GPA of up to 4.0 inhis lifelong scholarly field of the Philosophy of Language, hiseducation disqualifies those who might criticize him on basicallyany subject whatsoever. Or, whatever.

Notable for his ironic, yet stylish choice ofdresses at numerous exclusive public events, he holds no unresolvedpsychosexual issues of any kind. Nor, it should be added, does hecare at all, even a little bit, about people who tease him for hisdifferently-fabulous sense of fashion.

In addition to his numerous otheraccomplishments, Xr. Scalzi has a large house and impressive yard,a wonderful cis-wife, and an awesome adolescent daughter who canawesomely bench press more than he can, despite him often beingmistaken for a 64 ex-Marine badass. He has many close, personalcelebrity friends who enjoy being seen with him at posh socialevents.