Nicholas Sparks - Dear John

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Copyright 2006 by Nicholas Sparks

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a data base or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Warner Books

Hachette Book Group USA

237 Park Avenue

New York, NY 10017

Visit our Web site at www.HachetteBookGroupUSA.com.

First eBook Edition: June 2008

ISBN: 978-0-7595-6899-0

ALSO BY NICHOLAS SPARKS

The Notebook

Message in a Bottle

A Walk to Remember

The Rescue

A Bend in the Road

Nights in Rodanthe

The Guardian

The Wedding

Three Weeks with My Brother (with Micah Sparks)

True Believer

At First Sight

For Micah and Christine

T his novel was both a joy and a challenge to write; a joy because its my hope that the characters reflect the honor and integrity of those who serve in the military, and a challenge because... well, to be completely honest, I find that every novel I write is challenging. There are those people, however, who make the challenge that much easier, and without further ado, Id like to thank them.

To Cat, my wife and the woman I love with all my heart. Thanks for your patience, babe.

To Miles, Ryan, Landon, Lexie, and Savannah, my children. Thanks for your endless enthusiasm, kids.

To Theresa Park, my agent. Thanks for everything.

To Jamie Raab, my editor. Thanks for your kindness and wisdom.

To David Young, the new CEO of Hachette Book Group USA, Maureen Egen, Jennifer Romanello, Harvey-Jane Kowal, Shannon OKeefe, Sharon Krassney, Abby Koons, Denise DiNovi, Edna Farley, Howie Sanders, David Park, Flag, Scott Schwimer, Lynn Harris, Mark Johnson... Im thankful for your friendship.

To my fellow coaches and athletes on the New Bern High track team (which won both the indoor and outdoor North Carolina State Championships): Dave Simpson, Philemon Gray, Karjuan Williams, Darryl Reynolds, Anthony Hendrix, Eddie Armstrong, Andrew Hendrix, Mike Weir, Dan Castelow, Marques Moore, Raishad Dobie, Darryl Barnes, Jayr Whitfield, Kelvin Hardesty, Julian Carter, and Brett Whitney... what a season, guys!

Lenoir, 2006

W hat does it mean to truly love another?

There was a time in my life when I thought I knew the answer: It meant that Id care for Savannah more deeply than I cared for myself and that wed spend the rest of our lives together. It wouldnt have taken much. She once told me that the key to happiness was achievable dreams, and hers were nothing out of the ordinary. Marriage, family... the basics. It meant Id have a steady job, the house with the white picket fence, and a minivan or SUV big enough to haul our kids to school or to the dentist or off to soccer practice or piano recitals. Two or three kids, she was never clear on that, but my hunch is that when the time came, she would have suggested that we let nature take its course and allow God to make the decision. She was like thatreligious, I meanand I suppose that was part of the reason I fell for her. But no matter what was going on in our lives, I could imagine lying beside her in bed at the end of the day, holding her while we talked and laughed, lost in each others arms.

It doesnt sound so far-fetched, right? When two people love each other? Thats what I thought, too. And while part of me still wants to believe its possible, I know its not going to happen. When I leave here again, Ill never come back.

For now, though, Ill sit on the hillside overlooking her ranch and wait for her to appear. She wont be able to see me, of course. In the army, you learn to blend into your surroundings, and I learned well, because I had no desire to die in some backward foreign dump in the middle of the Iraqi desert. But I had to come back to this small North Carolina mountain town to find out what happened. When a person sets a thing in motion, theres a feeling of unease, almost regret, until you learn the truth.

But of this I am certain: Savannah will never know Ive been here today.

Part of me aches at the thought of her being so close yet so untouchable, but her story and mine are different now. It wasnt easy for me to accept this simple truth, because there was a time when our stories were the same, but that was six years and two lifetimes ago. There are memories for both of us, of course, but Ive learned that memories can have a physical, almost living presence, and in this, Savannah and I are different as well. If hers are stars in the nighttime sky, mine are the haunted empty spaces in between. And unlike her, Ive been burdened by questions Ive asked myself a thousand times since the last time we were together. Why did I do it? And would I do it again?

It was I, you see, who ended it.

On the trees surrounding me, the leaves are just beginning their slow turn toward the color of fire, glowing as the sun peeks over the horizon. Birds have begun their morning calls, and the air is perfumed with the scent of pine and earth; different from the brine and salt of my hometown. In time, the front door cracks open, and its then that I see her. Despite the distance between us, I find myself holding my breath as she steps into the dawn. She stretches before descending the front steps and heads around the side. Beyond her, the horse pasture shimmers like a green ocean, and she passes through the gate that leads toward it. A horse calls out a greeting, as does another, and my first thought is that Savannah seems too small to be moving so easily among them. But she was always comfortable with horses, and they were comfortable with her. A half dozen nibble on grass near the fence post, mainly quarter horses, and Midas, her white-socked black Arabian, stands off to one side. I rode with her once, luckily without injury, and as I was hanging on for dear life, I remember thinking that she looked so relaxed in the saddle that she could have been watching television. Savannah takes a moment to greet Midas now. She rubs his nose while she whispers something, she pats his haunches, and when she turns away, his ears prick up as she heads toward the barn.

She vanishes, then emerges again, carrying two pailsoats, I think. She hangs the pails on two fence posts, and a couple of the horses trot toward them. When she steps back to make room, I see her hair flutter in the breeze before she retrieves a saddle and bridle. While Midas eats, she readies him for her ride, and a few minutes later shes leading him from the pasture, toward the trails in the forest, looking exactly as she did six years ago. I know it isnt trueI saw her up close last year and noticed the first fine lines beginning to form around her eyesbut the prism through which I view her remains for me unchanging. To me, she will always be twenty-one and I will always be twenty-three. Id been stationed in Germany; I had yet to go to Fallujah or Baghdad or receive her letter, which I read in the railroad station in Samawah in the initial weeks of the campaign; I had yet to return home from the events that changed the course of my life.

Now, at twenty-nine, I sometimes wonder about the choices Ive made. The army has become the only life I know. I dont know whether I should be pissed or pleased about that fact; most of the time, I find myself going back and forth, depending on the day. When people ask, I tell them Im a grunt, and I mean it. I still live on base in Germany, I have maybe a thousand dollars in savings, and I havent been on a date in years. I dont surf much anymore even on leave, but on my days off I ride my Harley north or south, wherever my mood strikes me. The Harley was the single best thing Ive ever bought for myself, though it cost a fortune over there. It suits me, since Ive become something of a loner. Most of my buddies have left the service, but Ill probably get sent back to Iraq in the next couple of months. At least, those are the rumors around base. When I first met Savannah Lynn Curtisto me, shell always be Savannah Lynn CurtisI could never have predicted my life would turn out the way it has or believed Id make the army my career.