Dave Barry - Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus

F irst, a few words about the title.

It isnt easy, coming up with book titles. A lot of the really good ones are taken. Thin Thighs in 30 Days, for example. Also The Bible.

Another restriction was that the publisher wanted a title with my name in it. Over the years, most of my book titles have had my name in them (Dave Barry Turns 40, Dave Barry Turns 41, Dave Barry Develops a Nasal Polyp, etc.). I realize this sounds egotistical, but its not my idea. Id be a lot happier if the book titles had a name with more appeal to the mass public, like Stephen King or The Beatles. If it wasnt for the potential legal hassles, this book would be called something like Develop Washboard Abs in One Hour with John Grisham and Madonna (As Seen on Oprah).

Anyway, the first title actually considered for this book was Another Damn Dave Barry Book. I liked that one, because it was punchy, yet at the same time it said absolutely nothing. But then Crown changed its mind and decided against this title, presumably on the grounds that the word damn would offend some people, who would therefore not buy the book. Of course you could argue that this was a good reason to use the title, because people whod be offended by the word damn would probably suffer cerebral hemorrhages if they read the books actual contents.

But Another Damn Dave Barry Book was definitely out. Instead, Crown wanted to use Dave Barry Exposes Himself, featuring a cover photo of me wearing only an overcoat, which I would be holding open to display my body, with my strategic parts covered by the title (insert your font-size joke here). After a certain amount of hemming and hawing, as well as faxing, I rejected this title. My argument was that the cover concept was a stale old sight gag, but the real reason was that I didnt want to expose my body I do not have Washboard Abs; I have Stealth Abs, protected from detection by a strategic layer of radar-absorbing flab.

For a while my editor at Crown, Betty Prashker, tried to argue me into accepting Dave Barry Exposes Himself.

The way we see it, she said, every time you write something, youre exposing yourself.

This is the kind of thing editors can say, secure in the knowledge that they wont be appearing on a book cover wearing only an open overcoat.

But I was firm in my opposition. And thus began a spate of title brainstorming. My agent, Al Hart, came up with what I thought was a winnerDave Barry Wants to Chew Your Hairbut Crown was not receptive. Crown also rejected one of mine that I thought beautifully captured the spirit not only of this book, but virtually my entire body of work: Armpit Noises from the Heart. I also had no luck with:

Who Are You Calling Immature?

By Dave Booger Barry

Here are some of the other titles that didnt make it:

While You Were Holding Down a Real Job,
Dave Barry Was Writing This

A Funny Title Goes Here

Dave Barry Lowers His Standards Even More

How to Remain Sophomoric in the Coming Millennium

This Book Is All True
And Other Lies by Dave Barry

This Book Has Nothing to Do with the 01 Trial

Humor Writers Who Run with Wolves

The Wisdom of Dave Barry
Would Be a Really Short Book, So We Printed This One Instead

And of course:

Moby Dave

But none of these was acceptable to everybody. Finally, just when it was beginning to look as though wed never come up with a title, and the book would never get publishedwhich would be a tragedy for civilizationwe agreed on