Andrew Flintoff - Do You Know What?: Life According to Freddie Flintoff

Published by Blink Publishing
2.25, The Plaza,
535 Kings Road,
Chelsea Harbour,
London, SW10 0SZ

www.blinkpublishing.co.uk

facebook.com/blinkpublishing
twitter.com/blinkpublishing

Hardback 978-1-788-700-46-7
Ebook 978-1-788-700-45-0

All rights reserved. No part of the publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or circulated in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing of the publisher.

A CIP catalogue of this book is available from the British Library.

Typeset by seagulls.net

Copyright Andrew Flintoff, 2018

Andrew Flintoff has asserted his moral right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace copyright holders of material reproduced in this book, but if any have been inadvertently overlooked the publishers would be glad to hear from them.

Blink Publishing is an imprint of Bonnier Books UK
www.bonnierbooks.co.uk

Earlier this year, I found myself treading the boards in musical theatre. Not for the first time in my life, I thought to myself, How did I get here? But it was definitely me, singing on a stage. Not particularly well, but doing it anyway.

This is a book about the unpredictability of life, with all its glory and disappointments. It is a book about having a go, even when the odds are stacked against you. It is a book about not giving a shit what anybody else thinks. There are incredible things to experience beyond your comfort zone.

There is a bit of cricket, because its the game that made me and the game I still love. There are my thoughts on celebrity and what it means to be a working-class bloke from Preston with a stylist, a make-up man and a Lamborghini that never gets driven. There is romance and there are pranks and the mistakes of youth. There are things that get my goat and the strange things that amaze me. There is even a little bit of politics.

There are also some things that are particularly close to my heart, because life hasnt always been easy. I drank too much and have struggled with eating disorders and mental illness. I hope that by sharing my experiences, I might be able to help people. And there is, of course, my wonderful family.

I would hesitate to call this a book of lessons, because Im not the sort of bloke who shouts the odds through a megaphone. Im not entirely sure men have been to the moon or whether the Earth is flat, and I sometimes wonder what does and doesnt matter in life and whether any of this actually exists. But I hope we have a rapport, and that you see where Im coming from. Its not easy sometimes, because I struggle to make sense of where Ive been, but I hope you enjoy the ride as much as me.

Im standing in a wrestling ring in a warehouse in Florida, surrounded by dozens of cameras, filming me from every conceivable angle. What looks like the entire cast of Game of Thrones are ringside, all wearing fluorescent Lycra. And all I can think is: I just want to get out of here.

Before I know it, someone has shoved a microphone in my hand and shouted in my ear, Right, now your turn. No going back now. Two minutes doesnt sound like much, but when youre so far out of your comfort zone you need satnav to find your way back, it feels like an eternity.

I launch into my routine, which I thought up during the walk to the ring: Im from Preston, England, and Im gonna hammer all of you and shake things up!

It still makes me cringe just thinking about it. But as Im climbing out of the ring, I think to myself, That was rubbish. I want another crack at it.

I snatch the microphone back, climb back in and take in my surroundings for a few seconds. Everywhere I look there are weird and wonderful people, and I pick out a few obvious targets a fella with a massive head, a fella with a big nose, a fella with a particularly bad haircut, a fella with a stupid voice and let rip. The fella with a head like a melon gets it good and proper, big nose doesnt know whats hit him, the bloke with the man-bun looks like he might start crying. Two minutes go by and I can see the director trying to wind me up out of the corner of my eye, but I start shouting at him like a maniac, Oh no, I have not finished yet, just you try and stop me Im like a man possessed. At this rate, wind-up man is going to have to wrench the microphone from my cold, dead hands.

My routine lasts ten minutes, and as Im climbing out of the ring for the second time, all I can hear is absolute silence. Everyone else got a clap. I sit back down, feeling a bit self-conscious, and watch the room empty.

The acting coach comes over and says, That was good, well done.

Thanks, mate, but I dont think the others liked it much.

Dont worry about them. You can teach anyone to wrestle, but youve got to be able to get a reaction from the audience, whether good or bad. Wrestling fans hate vanilla. And one thing you werent was vanilla.

How did I end up in a wrestling ring in Tampa? Its a fair question wrestling isnt a typical career progression for a former England cricketer. The simple answer is, I needed a job. I was living in Dubai at the time, drinking too much, eating anything I wanted, cruising through life. My day consisted of taking the kids to school at 7:30 Im not an early riser, so that was a nightmare, especially after a heavy night before heading to the gym at the Burj Al Arab. The Burj is a six-star hotel, and ridiculous for it, because you dont have to do anything. You park your car and someone appears out of nowhere to take your keys. Someone carries your bag to the gym. You meet your bag at the gym and as youre getting undressed, a man is picking your clothes up to wash them. You get in the gym and as youre trying to put weights on the bar, someone steps in to do it for you. Im surprised they dont offer to run for you as well.

After the gym, Id sit on the beach for two or three hours. Every day Id eat a fruit platter, because it was the cheapest thing on the menu, but it still cost about 30 quid. Then Id go out and drink aimlessly in the evenings, and if Id carried on like that I would have been skint. As it was, I was in a restaurant one night and both of my credit cards bounced. I looked around in a panic and saw the football manager Steve Bruce on another table. We had a mutual friend, so I went over and said, All right, Steve, nice to meet you. Im a big fan, so and so says hello. Then, after a while, I said, Look, Steve, bit of a problem, I cant pay my bill. Can you lend us a few quid? That was my life in Dubai, but it wasnt really living.

In television, everyone is looking for a hook. So youve got to put yourself out there and throw ideas at people, and if it all starts sounding like that scene from Alan Partridge, when hes desperately pitching programme ideas to Tony Hayers, the fictional BBC commissioning editor Arm-wrestling with Chas and Dave? Inner-city Sumo? Monkey tennis? thats all right, because someone will bite eventually if they think your idea has legs.