John Atkinson - Abridged Classics: Brief Summaries of Books You Were Supposed to Read but Probably Didnt

Contents

Contents Australia HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd. Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia www.harpercollins.com.au Canada HarperCollins Canada 2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor Toronto, ON M4W 1A8, Canada www.harpercollins.ca India HarperCollins India A 75, Sector 57 Noida Uttar Pradesh 201 301 www.harpercollins.co.in New Zealand HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive Rosedale 0632 Auckland, New Zealand www.harpercollins.co.nz United Kingdom HarperCollins Publishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF, UK www.harpercollins.co.uk United States HarperCollins Publishers Inc. 195 Broadway New York, NY 10007 www.harpercollins.com To Dylan, Jacob, and Madz ABRIDGED CLASSICS . Copyright 2018 by John Atkinson.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books. Published in 2018 by Harper Design An Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 195 Broadway New York, NY 10007 Tel: (212) 207-7000 Fax: (855) 746-6023 www.hc.com Distributed throughout the world by HarperCollins Publishers 195 Broadway New York, NY 10007 Library of Congress Control Number: 2017945063 Digital Edition JUNE 2018 ISBN: 978-0-06-274786-0 Version 03312018 Print ISBN: 978-0-06-274785-3 Classic. A book people praise and dont read. MARK TWAIN James Joyce

Dublin, something, something, something, run-on sentence.

Herman Melville

Man vs. whale. Whale wins. Leo Tolstoy Everyone is sad. It snows. Unknown Hero kills monster.

Blah, blah, blah. Dragon kills hero. Charles Dickens

Orphan wants more. He doesnt get it. Wait, yes he does. Nothing happens. Nothing happens.

William Shakespeare

Old ladies convince a guy to ruin Scotland. Aldous Huxley Everyone is high. Nothing gets done. Marcel Proust Smell of cake reminds a guy of stuff. Four thousand pages of stuff. Theyre still lost. William S. William S.

Burroughs

Heroin can really mess you up. Anyway, heres an orgy. Oscar Wilde If looks could kill, they probably will. Fyodor Dostoyevsky Brothers are very contentious, like their father. Also Russia. Adults dont either. J. D. D.

Salinger

Moody teen complains a lot. He has a red hat. Edmund Spenser How Not to Be a Jerk for knights. George Orwell Four legs good, two legs bad. Then four legs bad. Wait, no she doesnt. Wait, no she doesnt.

Homer

War veteran takes forever to get home, then kills everyone. Homer Not the Odyssey. Miguel de Cervantes Next page