Editors - The Incomplete Framley Examiner

The Incomplete Framley Examiner Created, written & designed by Robin Halstead Jason Hazeley Alex Morris Joel Morris The Incomplete Framley Examiner First published in 2021 Unbound Level l, Devonshire House, One Mayfair Place, London WI J 8AJ www.unbound.com All rights reserved Robin Halstead, Jason Hazeley, Alex Morris and Joel Morris, 2021 The right of Robin Halstead, Jason Hazeley, Alex Morris and Joel Morris to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988. No part of this publication may be copied, reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Pages 916, 1826, 2850, 65133 first published 2002 as The Framley Examiner by Michael Joseph/the Penguin Group Pages l , 4, 5263, 199200 taken from Historic Framley first published 2003 by the Penguin Group Illustrations and photographs are by the authors, or from the authors' private collections, otherwise supplied by the Art Today online picture resource at www.arttoday.com, with the exception of the following: Page 9: Michael Howard (Allstar). Page 16: Su Pollard (Allstar); Andy Garcia (Allstar). Page 18: Alan Freeman (All Action). Page 32: Jeanne Moreau (Allstar); Steve Jobs (Allstar); Roy Hudd (Allstar) Emu (Copyright BBC Picture Archives); Mark Lawson (Copyright BBC Picture Archives).

Page 42: Portrait of a Young Man by Gentile Bellini (Galleria dell' Accademia Carrara, Bergamo, Italy/Bridgeman Art Library); Whimsical Portrait by Giuseppe Arcimboldo (Nostell Priory, Yorkshire, UK/Bridgeman Art Library); Portrait of a Young Woman with a Unicorn by Raphael (Galleria Borghese, Rome, Italy/Bridgeman Giraudon); Portrait of a Man holding an Apple by Raphael (Galleria degli Uffizi, Florence, Italy/Bridgeman Art Library). Page 89: Sir Georg Solti (Allstar); Percy Thrower (Copyright BBC Picture Archives). Page 120: Les Dennis (Allstar). Page 196: Spats (Dani Simmonds/Shutterstock). Thanks to the Essex Chronicle Series for use of the bear picture. Thanks to girlskissing.com for the filth.

All names in this book are either fictional or included for the purposes of satire. Text design by Alex Morris A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978-1-80018-082-6 (hardback) ISBN 978-1-80018-083-3 (ebook) Printed in Slovenia by DZS 1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2

In memory of Cat Ledger 1958-2020 Foreword by the Mayor AS YOUR Mayor (if you live in Framley) or just a Mayor (if you live somewhere else), it is my duty to tell you that there is no point going backward. Foreward is the only way to go. Especially since that is the way time is going, and has been for some time. If time starts going backward in the future, we will have the chance to arrive back at now and possibly before. And possibly before that.

And possibly even before dinosaurs or the Germans. It has been my honour to serve as Mayor for SHIRLEY CHECK NO OF YRS THX and, with a ill wind and a fingers crossed, it will continue to be my honour until I am called by our Almighty Mayor to serve in that Eternal Council that has less red tape and more cherubim than Framley has. Not that Framley is without cherubim, just that the Eternal Council pretty much has the whole angel thing sewn up. SOME PERSONAL STUFF HERE And so, I salute The Framley Examiner'. All hail her and all who advertise sales in her. William DAinty

The Ascent of Dreams The First Batch (October 20, 2001) A Word From the Editor The Dark Side of the Alphabet The Second Batch (November 20, 2001)