Kyle Scheele - How to Host a Viking Funeral: The Case for Burning Your Regrets, Chasing Your Crazy Ideas, and Becoming the Person Youre Meant to Be

HOW TO HOST A VIKING FUNERAL . Copyright 2022 by Kyle Scheele. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, turned into a Viking ship, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

FIRST EDITION

Cover design: David Fassett

Cover photograph: Sam Tilson

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

Digital Edition FEBRUARY 2022 ISBN: 978-0-06-308729-3

Version 12222021

Print ISBN : 978-0-06-308727-9

This book is dedicated to my wife, Lindsay, who believed in me when I didnt believe in myself

... and to the memory of Philip Marsh, who was my friend.

When I set out to tell this story, I realized that, like any story, there are an infinite number of ways to tell it.

This particular tale involves a public art project that had contributions from more than twenty thousand people but that was put together almost entirely by one person (me). In light of that, the decision I had to make was this: Do I tell the story of the more than twenty thousand submissions, or do I tell the story of my own experience of putting the project together, of reading every one of those submissions and being impacted by them?

In the end, I realized that my own story is the only one I can tell. For one thing, the submissions were anonymous, and a great many of them lacked enough context to get a clear picture of what the story actually was. When someone wrote that they regret Not telling him to stop, there are a number of things they could have meant, and while I have my own theories about which ones are more likely than others, in the end that probably says more about me than it does about the person who wrote those words.

But even if I knew for certain what a submission meant, I didnt know anything about the person who sent it. How old are they? What color is their skin? Where did they grow up, and with whom? Are they tall or short? Male, female, or nonbinary? Single, married, divorced, or widowed? All of those answers give insight into their stories, and I dont know a single one of them.

In light of that, I decided to tell the story as I experienced it. While I do share a good number of the submissions I received, this is ultimately not a book about a quantitative analysis of data. Instead its a book about my own experience wading through those data and what I learned along the way about regret, heartache, and moving on.

James Joyce once wrote, For myself, I always write about Dublin, because if I can get to the heart of Dublin I can get to the heart of all the cities of the world. In the particular is contained the universal.

My hope is that in the particulars of my story you will find something universal, something that connects to your own life, something to remind you that in the end we are not so different, you and I.

* * *

One more word of caution before we get started: you should know that this is gonna get weird.

This story involves multiple Viking funerals, thousands of square feet of cardboard, and enough hot glue to supply your mother-in-laws craft night for the rest of timenot to mention an in-depth analysis of which human names are appropriate for dogs, a metaphor about a trash compactor, and two separate stories about the same Billy Joel song.

But it also involves regret, self-doubt, insecurity, and, ultimately, redemption.

Or something like that.

So buckle up, friend. Its about to get bumpy.

T his book is about a crazy idea I had to build and burn a giant Viking ship, the journey I went on (both internally and externally) to make that happen, and what I learned about myself, and humanity, in the process.

But before I tell you about that Viking ship, I have to tell you about another one (as I mentioned in the , there are multiple Viking ships in this story), because while this probably wont ever make any real sense to a sane person, at least this way youll understand a little bit of how this whole thing got started.

In May 2016, I turned thirty years old. A few weeks prior to that, my mom asked if I was planning on doing anything special to celebrate the milestone. Since my parents live in the country, she suggested that I could have a bonfire on their property.

I thought about this for a few days, then called to let her know I would not be having a birthday party after all. Instead, I would have a funeral to mourn the death of my twenties.

My mother, naturally, thought this was absurd. Is this your idea of a quirky party theme? she asked. What, are you going to have everyone dress in black, and youll have a coffin for them to put their gifts inside?

No, Mom... I laughed. That would be creepy. Im not having a regular funeral for my twenties. Im having a Viking funeral.

She sighed. Why are you so weird?

I took that to mean that she was still on board with me having the event at her house.

The next person I had to convince was my wife, Lindsay. I waited until the kids were in bed, then sidled up next to her on the couch, where she was scrolling through Instagram.

So Ive been thinking about my birthday... I said, handing her a glass of wine.

She put her phone down and gave me a suspicious look.

What?! I said, feigning innocence.

I can already tell youre up to something, she said, accepting the wine but still looking wary.

Well, I had this idea that instead of a birthday party, I could have a Viking funeral for my twenties, I began.

My wife rolled her eyes. This was not her first Kyle-presents-an-idea rodeo.

Go on, she said, taking a sip.

Well, I was thinking I could build a big Viking dragon ship, then I could put some letters and numbers inside that say my twenties, then I could shoot a flaming arrow into it and set it on fire, I explained.

And youre telling me this because... she trailed off.

Because its going to cost us some money, and if Im going to get it done in time for my birthday, Ill have to drop everything else for the next few weeks, and thats a pretty big decision that I dont want to make without you being on board.

She laughed. Oh, Kyle...

What? I asked.

Its cute that you think youre asking me for permission, she said.

I am asking you for permission, I replied. If you say no, I wont do it.

Thats really sweet that you think thats true, she said. But Ive known you long enough to recognize when you get this kind of idea.

What kind of idea? I asked.

The kind of idea that youre going to do no matter what anyone says.

I was taken aback. Babe! I said. I dont know what youre talking about. I mean yes, Im excited about this idea. And yes, I really want to do this. But if you say no, Ill let it go.

Again, its adorable that you believe that. But what will really happen is that you will keep dropping increasingly less subtle hints about it until I give in. So Ill just save us the trouble and give in now.

I weighed my options: I could keep trying to convince her that I was serious about wanting her buy-in, or I could just accept the buy-in shed already put on the table.