Dave Gilmartin - The Absolutely Worst Places to Live in America

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Contents

For Amy, despite her location

The numbers cited in this book come from one of two sources. Population, Median Household Income, and Unemployment Percentages are from the United States Census Bureaus 2000 Census. Violent Crime Rate is from Sperlings Best Places Web site (www.bestplaces.net) and represents the number of combined cases of murder, nonnegligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery, and aggravated assault per 100,000 residents per year. The national average is 446.1.

As a former resident of Boston, Massachusetts, Im painfully familiar with terrible places to live. I know, for example, what it is to get out of a movie at midnight only to discover the subway has already stopped running. Ive had attempts to procure beer on Super Bowl Sunday thwarted by arcane blue laws. Ive sat through a two hour poli-sci lecture at which Alec Baldwin popped in to stump for Ted Kennedy and flirt with the coeds. Ive ridden a subway that smashed into a car. Ive seen people travel across state lines to get a tattoo. Ive ordered a cheesesteak at DAngelos only to have the fry cook shoot me a befuddled look, then say, Oh, you mean a steak and cheese sandwich. Ive attempted to decipher an accent for which the Rosetta Stone might have come in handy. Ive sat directly behind a pillar at Fenway Park. I have, dear friends, witnessed a New York Giants absolute nail-biter of a late-December football game interrupted late in the fourth quarter in favor of the Patriots opening kickoff. And this was the mid-nineties Patriots, keep in mind. And Im not even a Giants fan. But these things dont happen in the real world.

Thing is, I now realize Boston probably isnt all that horrible. It didnt even make it into this book, which must account for something. Well, maybe. Truth be told, I didnt personally select the fifty horrifyingly dreadful places that did make the cut. This book is the result of a mostly democratic process, the product of six months spent asking people, Whats the worst place youve ever been? Interested in gut reactions, and being quite lazy, I kept the question as broad as possible. It seemed a mistake to qualify my query, or to outline any specific methodology or standards re the results. One mans Paris is another mans Boston, after all. For me, it boils down to the people. What good is a nice caf, after all, if its filled with chain-smoking D.C. meatheads? But you might be into health care, or housing costs, or the school system, or the climate whatever.

And so I left things vague, compiled the results, gave some consideration to geography (all the while fighting the urge to pick fifty from Florida alone), and voila: the following fifty armpits emerged. Are they truly the very worst towns in America? Lets just say that if you were to never step foot in any of them, well, youd be all the better for it. Unless youre merely doing a bit of rubbernecking, of course, gawking at the terrible spectacle like its a ten-car pileup of urban planning. Thats always fun. But keep moving.

DG

Reno, 2005

Gateway to the Olympic Peninsula Birthplace of Grunge

Population: 16,461

Median Household Income: $30,683

Climate: Grey, rainy, and despondent

Ideal for: Loggers, Disaffected Youth

Cultural Highlights: Sulking, Moping, Rain, Boredom, Hero Worship, Cutting Down Lots and Lots of Trees, Abandoned Storefronts, Escaping to Seattle

An old logging and fishing village located on the southern edge of the Olympic Peninsula, Aberdeen combines all the classic disadvantages of waning industry with the newfangled horror of retail sprawl. Neither of which, however, has all that much to do with the citys notoriety. Nope, for bad as Aberdeen certainly is, its singularly shitty reputation stems from whatever source of inspiration it provided the young Kurt Cobain, semifavorite son/whipping boy/musical genius.

Though perhaps a tad obvious, the uniqueness of Aberdeens pop culture contribution makes it impossible to ignore, as something must be said for a city so disagreeable that it managed to inspire a cultural revolution based almost entirely upon feelings of disaffection, alienation, malaise, and despair. Thats really something. With the possible exception of Flint, Michigan, no U.S. city conjures images of utter dismay in the popular imagination as instantaneously as does Aberdeen.

Quotes

Aberdeen, Washington, has the highest rainfall of anywhere in the country. One hundred forty of 365 days of the year here have rain. The rest are probably fog.

from The Bostoner , by Andrew Buckley

Aberdeen, Washington, is head and shoulders above most coastal areas in terms of pure, soul-crushing crappiness. Best known as the hometown of Kurt Cobain, its easy to see how the seeds of suicidal dismay were sown. The beautiful waterfront is marked as a Scenic View despite being littered with the dead remains of ancient forest, courtesy of one of the big local logging operations. The true cultural beating heart of the area is Wal-Mart, with its parking lot full of trucks emblazoned with Bush-Cheney stickers despite the desperate economy. Elsewhere around town, churches with stained-glass windows and cute storefronts lie empty. The Salvation Army thrift store is a true Dawn of the Dead experience, with its distinct smell of mildew, old socks, and vast collection of shoulder-padded garments from the eighties. Some claim that the area is due for a renaissance. It will take a real visionary, thats for sure.

Melanie Sloan

WISHFUL THINKING BY THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

The most livable city in the state of Washington.

A GEOGRAPHICAL NOTE

Perhaps taking a cue from the weather or local disposition, Aberdeen is located in Grays Harbor County and sits at the port of entry for Grays Harbor itself.

WIKIPEDIA SAYS

The city is made up almost entirely of a ghetto that extends into nearby Cosmopolis and Hoquiam, although there are some isolated areas of relative wealth. Aberdeen is sometimes called the Gateway to the Olympic Peninsula or the Birthplace of Grunge; however, locals generally term it Hicktown, U.S.A.

PERFECTLY ILLUSTRATIVE HEADLINES FROM THE DAILY WORLD

Man Claiming to Be Kurt Cobain Arrested

Cobain Statue Long Overdo in Aberdeen

A Brief Respite, Then More Rain

Population: 448,607

Median Household Income: $38,272