Dean H. Hamer - Living with Our Genes: The Groundbreaking Book About the Science of Personality, Behavior, and Genetic Destiny

The Science of Desire

First Anchor Books Edition, March 1999

Copyright 1998 by Dean Hamer and Peter Copeland

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Anchor Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto. Originally published in hardcover in the United States by Doubleday in 1998.

Anchor Books and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition of this work as follows:
Hamer, Dean H.
Living with our genes : why they matter more than you think / Dean Hamer and Peter Copeland. 1st ed.
p. cm.
1. Temperament. 2. TemperamentPhysiological aspects.
3. PersonalityGenetic aspects. 4. Behavior genetics.
I. Copeland, Peter. II. Title.
BF798.H35 1998
155.234dc21 97-29818

eISBN: 978-0-307-80330-6

www.anchorbooks.com

v3.1

To our children
Addie, Isabella, and Lucas

Nature is often hidden, sometimes overcome,
seldom extinguished.

SIR FRANCIS BACON

We are all sensitive people.

MARVIN GAYE

I am what I am.

POPEYE

T he invitation to her twenty-fifth high school reunion came out of the blue, and Janice was surprised anyone had been able to keep up with all her address changes over the years. Janice, 43, graduated from a large high school in the Midwest. Her parents were not wealthy, so throughout school she worked part time to afford the clothes and accessories she deemed essential. That didnt leave much time for homework, but she managed to get good grades. Janice had many girlfriends in high school and even more boyfriends, but after graduation she never bothered to keep up and had never attended a class reunion. She just didnt see the point; that was then, and she had grown way beyond those days. When she received the invitation, her first thought was: boring.

After high school, Janice had married an older businessman. He wasnt much of a lover, but he put her through college, taught her about the world of finance, and broadened her horizons. Eventually the relationship faded and there was a divorce; he was a sweet guy, but he just wasnt that interesting anymore. After the divorce, Janice moved to Southern California and used a sizable settlement to jump into the real estate business. There were many ups and downs in the business, but during the last recession she gambled on some large properties and was doing very well indeed. Recently she purchased a white BMW convertible with a tan leather interior.

Janice went through a string of lovers after her divorce but never remarried. She didnt want to be burdened with kids or waste time keeping house. Recently, she started a passionate affair with her yoga instructor. Janice sends him flowers (usually a single orchid or some other exotic) at the ashram and has taken him on a vacation to Sri Lanka, where they made love on a palm leaf mat on the beach. She feels like she is making up for lost time, romantically and spiritually.

Proud of her striking figure, Janice has worked hard to stay at the same weight since graduating. For many years she was addicted to diet pills, but recently she joined a self-help group and now is drug and alcohol free. Smoking has been harder to quit because of her fear of weight gain. The invitation to the reunion got her to thinking about how far shed come since high school. The next day she decided, What the hell. Itll be a hoot. She made plans to fly out in the afternoon and return early the next morning.

R alph is also 43. In high school, he was serious about academics and maintained a steady B average. He was never part of the in crowd, nor was he a jock, but hes kept up with a few close friends and has never missed a class reunion. His yearbooks are arranged on a shelf by his bed. Ralph went to the state university and obtained a degree in environmental science. He had wanted to attend a private school in the East, but his grades werent good enough to get a scholarship (for which he blamed his teachers lack of interest), and his family couldnt afford the tuition (for which he blamed his parents lack of ambition).

Ralphs first job was with the state wildlife commission, and hes been there ever since, rising from research assistant to middle management. The money is lousy, but he likes the work, and he loves nature. His favorite activity is walking along the local lakeshore, collecting seashells and polished glass. He despises the proliferation of high-rise developments along the lake and has written many angry letters to the editor of the local newspaper. Sometimes he gets so upset that he loses sleep and cant focus at work.

Ralph has been married for 25 years and has three children. He and his wife have a harmonious albeit no longer passionate relationship. Ralph chose their suburban house because it was close to the bus line. He doesnt like to drive, and his wife chauffeurs the kids in a Ford station wagon. Over the years, Ralph has lost most of his hair and has gained more than a few pounds, mostly around the middle. Hes never smoked and drinks rarely.

When Ralph got the invitation to the twenty-fifth reunion, he confirmed his place by fax the same day. It will be good to see how everyones doing, he thought, truly relishing the memories of the good old days.

O n the night of the reunion, Janice is looking right at Ralph but doesnt really see him. It takes her a while to recognize himhe wasnt the type of boy she datedbut eventually she remembers him as the guy who was always standing at the edge of the crowd, just like he is now. There was a time when Ralph had a wild crush on her, but Janice never paid much attention. I sure hope I dont get stuck next to him at dinner, she thinks. What a nerd!

Ralph spotted Janice, too, and his stomach tightened nervously. Janice was once the object of his most passionate fantasies, regrettably all unrequited. Her hair color and the shape of her nose had changed, but not her confident way of carrying herself. Confident was a nice way of putting it. Stuck-up would be more accurate. Oh boy, thinks Ralph. Hope I dont end up next to her at dinner.

Of course they end up seated together.

Ralph says, Janice, its really great to see you!

Janice replies, Why Ralph. What a pleasure! Its been ages!

Wine is served. Janice refuses, but between courses she sneaks to the bathroom for a smoke. Ralph drinks half a glass of Chablis and feels himself start to relax. He eats another roll and passes the basket to Janice, who passes them on without taking one. She whispers to Ralph, Look at Nancy Abramms will you. I cant believe how fat she is. She used to be totally into how petite she was! Not anymore.