Julie Anne Peters - Rage: A Love Story

Same sexy me. She detaches from the LesBo Dykes, or Les Beau Dykes, and follows me to the parking lot. She gets in her car, stays close to mine, runs a yellow light. She tracks me to the bank of the river, to the edge of Fallon Falls. We park and get out. I step on the slippery rocks, arms extended, balancing across the rushing water. I spring to the shore, knowing shes on my scent. Around the side of the boulder, I duck into a cave and wait. The smell of burnt sugar tickles my nose. I hear her. She enters and steps in front of mereaches out a hand, both hands, and moves into me, slides her arms around my waist, my bare skin, where nerve endings spark and snap. Theres no time to blink or moisten my lips.

Hi. Im Johanna.

She kisses me long and hard, awakens the ache of longing inside me. Her lips are metal, then melon. Finally, finally she lets me go. I gasp for breath and she smiles, a one-sided, sliver-moonsmile, and says, Now that we have the introductions out of the way

Johanna, dear?

I jerk to the present.

Mrs. Arcaro has passed, Jeannette says.

I missed it, the last breath of her life. A pang of guilt for daydreaming at this critical time stabs at my heart, but I chase it away. I give Mrs. Arcaros frail hand a gentle squeeze and lay it on the sheet. I feel Mom smiling down on me from heaven.

As Im leaving Memorial Hospice, I feel uplifted. I meant something to someone. Even if Mrs. Arcaro was a stranger, Im the one who was there for her at the end.

Im the one who stayed.

I locate the room on the first floor where Mrs. Goins asked me to meet her. She was desperate, she said. So many seniors on the verge of not graduating, she said. Would I please tutor this one? A special one who needs special help with the senior project, she said.

I guess Im meant to feel special, but I have my own stuff to finishlike that damn Film Studies class Novak talked me into.

I peek in. The classrooms empty. Did I get the room wrong? Ive been losing whole blocks of time lately, spacing constantly. Where does life go when its lost to you?

My backpack slips off my shoulder and a note falls out of the front pocket.

Im dropping Film Studies, Novak wrote.

An old note from the beginning of term. At the time I thought: Thanks. Abandon me, like everyone else has.

I hear Mrs. Goins coming before I see her. Shes rustling? Maybe her thighs are rubbing together or something. Since the first of the year, shes put on, like, twenty pounds. A lot of people call her Meaty Loins.

I would never do that.

The person behind Meaty Loins materializes.

Johanna, this is Robbie Inouye. Robbie, Johanna Lynch.

Oh my God. Kill me now.

Robbie Inouye scares the hell out of me. He might be retarded, or challenged, or whatever terminology you use to dance around the truth. Hes definitely messed. His eyes arent symmetrical, or could it be his heads on crooked? The corners of his mouth are always caked with dried-up spittle and he lumbers, drags his feet like Frankenstein. Hes not big. Im five eight and hes shorter than me, but he seems huge.

Once upon a time, slow-moving Robbie would get jostled in the hall. Id see people cut in front of him, making him stumble. Then came last November, right before Thanksgiving. I remember because Novak had been dumped by her boyfriend, Danteagainand it was taking longer than usual to stanch the internal bleeding. We were in the restroom by the cafeteria. I got her past the point of slitting her wrists by reassuring her that she was an idiot for staying with him. If I wasnt so fucking irresistible, she hiccuped, swiping at her nose, I wouldnt attract vermin. Exactly, I replied. I was late; I couldnt stay to hold her hand. Im better off without the asshole. Too true. I had a midterm in trig and Id blown the last quiz.

Thank you, sweetie. Novak hugged me. What would I do without you? She held me so hard I couldnt breathe.

So Im charging out of the restroom, dodging bodies and wedging through the mob of people exiting the cafeteria. Late bell rings and my class is two flights up. Then I hear this cry, more of a keen or wail. I look over and see a blur of skin, bone, and loose spittle, bared teeth. Its Robbie.

Someone had taken the instrument case he carries around. A guy was swinging it over his head and Robbie was lying on the floor like hed been jumped. His books and papers had spilled down the stairs and one of his shoes was off.

Without warning, he rose up like Atlantis emerging from the sea, like Goliath in a rage, fists flailing, screeching and bellowing so loud my ears squinched. The guy with the case passed it to another guy, then a girl, a guy, the girl again. Robbie went crazy. He started swinging in all directions, clawing to get that case. He let out this high-pitched hawk screech, along with foam and spit, then busted the girl right in the chops with his fist. I felt the impact as she screamed and dropped the case.

The first guy made the mistake of retaliating for his girlfriend, hooking Robbies neck from behind. Robbie whirled and smacked the guys head into a brick wall.

I heardfeltthe crunch of bone.

I dont know why I did it, but the case was only about two feet away and I bent to retrieve it. Robbie grabbed the case and swung it up. The corner smacked me in the chin and slammed me into the stair rail.

His face came inches from my face, then his eyes rolled back into his head and he hauled off and whacked me on the shoulder. I crashed, tumbling down the stairs, feeling vertebrae crush.

My shoulder was dislocated. This was before my sister, Tessa, moved back home, so Novak took me to the Urgent Care Center.

The guy Robbie clobbered had a concussion, and his girl a fat lip, but none of us pressed charges. Unhappily ever after, Robbie plodded the halls and people steered clear. Especially me.

Robbie, why dont you find a seat? Mrs. Goins says.

Franken Psychos case brushes my leg and I jump back.

Before I can get a squeak out, Mrs. Goins lowers her voice and goes, Thank you for doing this, Johanna. He needs to graduate.

So do I. Mrs. Goins, my work schedule changed. I just found out today, and now I have to go in at two. Um, every day, I think. My eyes shift to Robbie and I see hes helped himself to the teachers desk and is rolling in the office chair. He pulls open the top drawer and removes a stapler.