Meg Cabot - Queen of Babble

MEG CABOT

Queen of Babble

For Benjamin

Many thanksto all the extremely generous people who helped with the writing of this book, including Beth Ader, Jennifer Brown, Megan Farr, Carrie Feron, Michele Jaffe, Laura Langlie, Laura McKay, Sophia Travis, and especially Benjamin Egnatz.

Contents

Many Thanks

1.I cant believe this. I cant believe I dont remember

2.Youre compromising your feminist principles. Thats what Shari keeps saying.

3.I thought that was you! Andrew gushes in that cute

4.I dont see any sheep. It turns out Heathrow airport

5.Im here! Im finally here, in England!

6.It takes five rings before Shari answers. For a minute

7.I wake up with a feeling of deep and utter

8.I dont know what made me do it.

9.Im pulling my wheelie bag down the aisles of the

10.He isnt an angel. At least, not unless angels are

11.I wake up to someone saying my name and gently

12.Because of course he has a girlfriend. Hes way too

13.When I wake up the following morning, I look around

14.And okay. I know this is Europe and people here

15.Okay, so its the middle of the afternoon and Im

16.Jean-Luc?

17.Dinner isnt so much a meal as it is a

18.I got the rust stains out.

19.The rest of the morning is a blur of deliveries.

20.I cant believe he told. I trusted him and he

21.Okay. Its all right. I can do this. I can

22.Can I just say its really hard to snip straight

23.I wake to find a strip of lace stuck to

24.Vickys wedding to Craig is lovely.

25.Fortunately weve just warbled our last And I owe it

26.He tried to kill me, Andy keeps saying. Although his

About the Author

Also by Meg Cabot

Credits

Copyright

About the Publisher

Clothing. Why do we wear it? Many people believe that we wear clothing out of modesty. In ancient civilizations, however, clothing was developed not to cover our private parts from view, but merely to keep the body warm. In other cultures, clothing was thought to protect its wearers from magic, while in still others clothing served merely ornamental or display purposes.

In this thesis, I hope to explore the history of clothingor fashionstarting with ancient man, who wore animal hides for warmth, to modern man, or woman, some of whom wear small strips of material between their buttocks (see: thong) for reasons no one has yet been able to adequately explain to this author.

History of Fashion

SENIOR THESIS BY ELIZABETH NICHOLS

Our indiscretion sometime serves us well

When our deep plots do pall

William Shakespeare (15641616), British poet and playwright Icant believe this. I cant believe I dont remember what he looks like! How can I not remember what helooks like? I mean,his tongue has been in my mouth . How could I forget what someone whose tongue has been in my mouthlooks like? Its not like thereve been that many guys whove had their tongues in my mouth. Only, like, three.

And one of those was in high school. And the other one turned out to be gay.

God, that is so depressing. Okay, Im not going to think about that right now.

It isnt like its been THAT long since I last saw him. It was just three months ago! You would think Id remember what someone Ive been dating for THREE MONTHS looks like.

Even if, you know, for most of those three months weve been in separate countries.

Still. I have his photo. Well, okay, you cant really see his face in it. Actually, you cant see his face at all, since its a photo of hisoh Godnaked ass.

Why would anyone send someone something like that? I didnt ask for a photo of his naked ass. Was it supposed to be erotic? Because it so wasnt.

Maybe thats just me, though. Sharis right, Ive got to stop being so inhibited.

It was just so shocking to find it in my in-box, a big photo of my boyfriends naked ass.

And okay, I know they were just goofing around, he and his friends. And I know Shari says its a cultural thing, and that the British are much less sensitive about nudity than most Americans, and that we should strive as a culture to be more open and carefree, like they are.

Also that he probably thought, like most men do, that his ass is his best feature.

But still.

Okay, Im not going to think about that right now. Stop thinking about my boyfriends ass. Instead, Im going to look for him. He has to be here somewhere, he swore hed be here to pick me up

Oh my God, that cant be him, can it? No, of course its not. Why would he be wearing a jacket like that? Why would ANYONE be wearing a jacket like that? Unless theyre being ironic. Or Michael Jackson, of course. He is the only man I could think of who would wear red leather with epaulets. Who isnt a professional break-dancer.

That CANT be him. Oh, please God, dont let that be him

Oh no, hes looking this wayhes looking this way! Look down, look down, dont make eye contact with the guy in the red leather jacket with the epaulets. Im sure hes a very nice man; its a shame about his having to shop for coats from the 1980s at the Salvation Army.

But I dont want him to know I was looking at him, he might think I like him or something.

And its not that Im prejudiced against homeless people, Im not, I know all about how many of us are really only a few paychecks away from being homeless ourselves. Some of us, in fact, are less than a paycheck away from being homeless. Some of us, in fact, are so broke that we still live with our parents.

But Im not going to think about all that right now.

The thing is, I just dont want Andrew to get here and find me talking to some homeless guy in a red leather break-dancing jacket. I mean, that is so not the first impression I want to give. Not that, you know, it will be his FIRST impression of me, since weve been dating for three months and all. But it will be the first impression hell have of the New Me, the me he hasnt met yet

Okay. Okay, its safe, hes not looking anymore.

Oh God, this is awful, I cant believe this is how they welcome people to their country. Herding us down this walkway with all these people LOOKING at usI feel like Im personally disappointing each and every one of them by not being the person theyre waiting for. This is a very unkind thing to do to people who just sat on a plane for six hours, eight in my case if you count the flight from Ann Arbor to New York. Ten if you count the two-hour layover at JFK

Wait. Was Red Break-dancing Jacket just checking me out?

Oh my God, he WAS! Red leather jacket with the epaulets totally checked me out!

Oh God, this is so embarrassing. Its my underwear, I KNOW it. How could he tell? That Im not wearing any, I mean? Its true I dont have any visible panty lines, but for all he knows, I could be wearing a thong. I SHOULD have worn a thong. Shari was right.

But its so uncomfortable when they go up your

I KNEW I shouldnt have picked a dress this tight to get off the plane ineven if I did personally modify it by hemming the skirt to above the knee so Im not hobbled by it.

But for one thing, Im freezinghow can it be this cold in AUGUST?

And for another, this silk is particularly clingy, so theres the whole panty line thing.

Still, everyone back at the shop said I look great in itthough I wouldnt have thought a mandarin dresseven a vintage onewould actually work on me, seeing as how Im Caucasian and all.

But Iwant to look good, since he hasnt seen me in so long, and I did lose those thirty pounds, and you wouldnt be able to tell Id lost all that weight if I got off the plane in sweats. Isnt that always what celebrities are wearing when they show up onUs Weekly s What Were They Thinking? page? You know, when they get off a plane in sweats and last years Uggs, with their hair all crazy? If you are going to be a celebrity, you need to LOOK like a celebrity, even when youre getting off a plane.