Meg Cabot - Queen of Babble Gets Hitched

In ancient times, weddings were a little more casual than they are today. Rival tribes, in order to increase their population, would frequently stage raids against one another, with the sole purpose of acquiring brides. Thats righttheyd steal one anothers ladyfolk. The raiding party was kind of what youd consider your modern-day groom and his groomsmen.

Only, you know, they wouldnt be wearing tuxes. More like loincloths.

Sometimes the young ladies in question got wind of the raiding party beforehand and didnt necessarily put up much of a fight.

But this didnt mean there wasnt ill feeling on the part of their families and friends.

Tip to Avoid a Wedding Day Disaster

Always have more gifts on your registry than you do wedding guests. This way you can avoid receiving the same gift twice and those guests who cant actually make it to the festivities will still be able to find something lovely to get for you!

LIZZIE NICHOLS DESIGNS

Chaz, I say, poking the man in the tuxedo who lay sprawled across my bed. You have to get out of here.

Chaz brushes my hand away as if its annoying him. Mom, he says. Stop it. I told you, I already took out the trash.

Chaz. I poke him some more. I mean it. Wake up. You have to go.

Chaz wakes up with a start. WhaWhere am I? He looks blearily around the room until his unfocused gaze finally comes to rest on me. Oh. Lizzie. What time is it?

Time for you to go, I say, grabbing hold of his arm and pulling on it. Come on. Get up.

But I might as well be pulling on an elephant. He wont budge.

Whats going on? Chaz wants to know. I have to admit, its not easy, being so mean to him. He looks downright adorable in his tuxedo shirt, all stubbly faced and confused, with his dark hair sticking up in tufts all over his head. He squints at me. Is it morning already? Heywhy do you still have your clothes on?

Because nothing happened between us, I say, relieved that its true. I mean, stuff happened. But my Spanx are still on, so not that much stuff. Thank God. Come on, get up. You have to go.

What do you mean, nothing happened between us? Chaz looks offended. How can you say that? Thats my beard burn youre wearing.

I lift a hand guiltily to my face. What? Oh my God. Youre kidding, right?

No, Im not kidding. Youre completely chafed. A look of self-satisfaction spreads across his face as he stretches his arms. Now come over here and lets continue where we left off before you so rudely fell asleep, which Im going to try not to hold against you, although I will admit its going to be difficult, and will probably necessitate punishment in the form of a spanking if I can figure out how to get those things off you. What did you call them again? Oh, yeah. Spanx. Chaz brightens. Hey, how appropriate.

But Ive already dived for the bathroom and am examining my face in the mirror over the sink.

Hes totally right. The entire lower half of my face is bright pink from where Chazs stubble rubbed it as we made out like a couple of teenagers in the back of the taxi on our way home from the wedding last night.

Oh God! I cry, staggering back into the bedroom. Do you think he noticed?

Do I think who noticed what? Chaz has seized me by the wrist, pulled me over, and is fumbling with the tiny buttons to my gown.

Luke! I cry. Do you think he noticed Ive got beard burn all over my face?

How would Luke notice that? Chaz asks. Hes in France. How do you get this thing off, anyway?

Hes not in France! I cry, swatting at Chazs hands. He was just downstairs. That was him, at the door!

The door? Chaz pauses in his attempt to disrobe me, looking more adorably confused than ever. Not that I have any business noticing how adorable Chaz is. Lukes at the door?

No, not anymore, I say, swatting his hands away once more. But hes coming back in half an hour. And thats why you have to leave now. He doesnt know youre here. And I want to keep it that way. I wrestle his tuxedo jacket from beneath the knee hes resting on it and hold it out for him. So if you wouldnt mind putting this on and kindly vacating the premises

Wait a minute. Chaz raises a dark eyebrow. Wait just a minute here. Are you honestly trying to tell me that you and Mr. Romance are getting back together?

Of course were getting back together, I say, throwing an urgent glance at the clock. Twenty-five minutes! Luke will be back in twenty-five minutes! He only went in search of a Starbucks to grab us coffees and a couple of Danish or whatever it is Starbucks has available on New Years Day. Which, for all I care, could be rancid pig fat in plastic containers. What does it matter? Why else do you think Ive been standing here asking you to please get up? I dont want him to know you spent the nightor that you gave me beard burn.

Lizzie. Chaz is shaking his head. But hes putting his tuxedo jacket on. Thank God. Hes not a little boy. You cant protect him forever. Hes going to have to find out about us sometime.

Icy tentacles grip my heart. Us? What us? Chaz there is no us.

What do you mean, there is no us? He looks up from the inside coat pocket hed been investigating, evidently in search of his wallet. Did we, or did we not, just spend the night together?

Yes, I say, with another exasperated glance at the clock. Twenty-four minutes! And I have to wash my hair. Im sure theres confetti in it from the wedding. Not to mention, I probably have raccoon rings of mascara around my eyes. But I already told you. Nothing happened.

Nothing? Chaz looks wounded. I distinctly remember holding you tenderly in my arms and kissing you beneath a sky full of falling stars. You call that nothing?

Those were balloons, I remind him. Not stars.

Whatever. I thought we said we were going to work on the physical part of our relationship.

No. You said that. I said wed both just come out of painful breakups and needed time to heal.

Chaz reaches up and runs a hand through his hair, causing it to stand even more comically on end. Plus, confetti falls out of it and onto my bedspread. Then what was all that kissing in the cab about?

He has a valid point. Im not sure what all that kissing in the cab was about.

Or why I enjoyed it so much, either.

But I do know one thing. And thats that Im not going to stand here and talk about it. Not right now.

We had too much to drink, I explain, with another frantic glance at the clock. Twenty-two minutes! And I have to blow-dry too! We were at a wedding. We got carried away.

Carried away? Chazs blue eyes look unnaturally bright in the winter sunlight filtering through my new lace curtains. Thats what you call my hand down your bra? Carried away?

I rush forward to place a hand over his mouth.

We must never speak of this again, I say, my heart boomingyes, boomingin my chest.

Dont even tell me, Chaz says from behind my hand, that youre giving him another chance. Yes, he made the big romantic gesture, flying back from France on New Years Day, or whatever. But, Lizzie the guy is a complete commitment-phobe. Hes never followed through with anything in his life.

That isnt true, I cry, wrenching my hand away from Chazs mouth and flipping it around for him to see. Look!

Chaz stares at the third finger on my left hand.

Oh God, he says after a minute. I think Im going to be sick.

Thats a nice thing to say, I point out hotly, to the girl your best friends just proposed to.

Although the truth is, I feel a little sick myself. But thats from all the champagne last night. It has to be.