Rabbi Hyim Shafner - The Everything Jewish Wedding Book: Mazel tov! From the chuppah to the hora, all you need for your big day

THE
EVERYTHING
JEWISH WEDDING
BOOK

Dear Reader,

I am an Orthodox rabbi who has performed a wide variety of Jewish weddings. I have found Jewish wedding books that are accessible but not fully traditional and Jewish wedding books that are very traditional but not accessible to most readers. It is my hope that this book will fill the gap. It is written in accord with Jewish legal tradition; at the same time, it is meant to be fully accessible and useful to both the learned and the unversed.

Weddings among the Jewish people today are extremely varied depending on the couples rabbi and denomination; how religious, learned, or observant the couple is; and myriad other factors. I believe that Jewish law and tradition have much to teach us, even if we do not observe it all or do not think it fully relevant. My hope is that you will take the information and ideas I have included and use them to weave your wedding into a tapestry that is deeply Jewish, personally meaningful, and inspiringly spiritual. May the One who spends eternity matchmaking bless you with a meaningful wedding and loving life together, and may you build a bayitneeman byisraela trustworthy house among the Jewish People.

Welcome to the EVERYTHING Series!

These handy, accessible books give you all you need to tackle a difficult project, gain a new hobby, comprehend a fascinating topic, prepare for an exam, or even brush up on something you learned back in school but have since forgotten.

You can choose to read an Everything book from cover to cover or just pick out the information you want from our four useful boxes: e-questions, e-facts, e-alerts, and e-ssentials. We give you everything you need to know on the subject, but throw in a lot of fun stuff along the way, too.

We now have more than 400 Everything books in print, spanning such wide-ranging categories as weddings, pregnancy, cooking, music instruction, foreign language, crafts, pets, New Age, and so much more. When youre done reading them all, you can finally say you know Everything!

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PUBLISHER Karen Cooper

DIRECTOR OF ACQUISITIONS AND INNOVATION Paula Munier

MANAGING EDITOR,EVERYTHING SERIES Lisa Laing

COPY CHIEF Casey Ebert

ACQUISITIONS EDITOR Katie McDonough

ASSOCIATE DEVELOPMENT EDITOR Elizabeth Kassab

EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Hillary Thompson

Visit the entire Everything series at www.everything.com

THE
EVERYTHING
JEWISH
WEDDING
BOOK
2nd Edition

Mazel tov! From the chuppah to the hora,
all you need for your big day

Rabbi Hyim Shafner

Copyright 2009, 1997 Simon and Schuster All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

An Everything Series Book.
Everything and everything.com are registered trademarks of F+W Media, Inc.

Published by Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322 U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-59869-548-7
ISBN 13: 978-1-59869-548-9
eISBN: 978-1-44050-166-1

Printed in the United States of America.

J I H G F E D C B A

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the
American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

To my parents, who made the dough; my brothers, family, and
teachers, who kneaded it; my ezer kinegdi, sugar and spice;
and our children, new loaves from ancient yeast.

Contents

Acknowledgments

My biggest thanks go to my wife Sara, whose trust, love, and teaching have enabled us to have a wonderful marriage and life together. She gave up nights out and time together so I could write this book and still offered support and encouragement, constantly reassuring me that my efforts were good for the Jewish people. Hopefully when our childrens weddings come we will once again be able to stand talking about weddings. Thank you to Lee, who convinced me the book was needed. To my parents, whom I can never even begin to thank for their example of a good and loving marriage, for their love and sacrifices in giving me a Jewish education and teaching us a toraht chesedthat the Torah must inspire all people and make Gods world betterand for teaching me that the Jewish people can be one and that the universe was made by Hashem and so must be of value. Thank you to my children, Benny, Yonah, and Hava, for putting up with my time spent writing even while asking me how I could still be doing itIt must be a million pages!

Thank you to those in my community who put so much effort into reading chapters and drafts and offering advice and insight; I beg forgiveness if I have left anyone out. To my dedicated professional reader and advisor Dalia Oppenheimer. To Jen Lottsoff, Rabbi Hershey and Chana Novack, Sharon and Russel Roberts, Suzanne Pritzker, Andy Love, Shane Graber, Heather and Jonathan Douek, Eva Gardner, Keren Douek, Phyllis Shapiro, Ben Alpert, Judy Winkelman Seplow, Dick Seplow, and Jeff Glogower, who all spent time reading and giving me much valued input. My thanks to our humble loving teacher, Rabbi Abraham Magence, ztl, who entrusted me with his holy and supportive community. My thanks to the Infinite Creator who gave me years in this universe, so strange and beautiful, and the special learning opportunities, resources, family, and mazal that I have had. May I merit using it all to serve the Jewish people and to help make Gods world a place of great tikun, love, and many happy and peaceful marriages.

Top Ten Unforgettable
Jewish Wedding Moments

Eruptions of Mazel tov! with the breaking of the glass.

The groom seeing the bride at the