Aileen Wuornos - Dear Dawn. Aileen Wuornos in Her Own Words

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Table of Contents

Foreword

Dear Lee:

This letter is for you. Even though youve been dead for many years, here I am, still talking to you.

Face it: Youve entered the worlds imagination and pried it wide open. Youre a real folk hero-outlaw, like Jesse James or that rebel-without-a-cause, James Dean. Are you laughing your ass off or do you feel ripped off every time some made-for-TV movie, true crime book, film, documentary, opera, play, or academic article about you appears?

Baby: Imagine the plight of Vincent van Gogh. He was a goddamn genius who barely scraped by. Centuries later, people are still making a fortune offa his work. (I can almost hear you putting it this way.)

You hit the ground running before either Thelma or Louise came to town. Youre the real star of that movie; its about you, about what youve done.

Man: You sure fired some shots heard round the worldshots that told male serial killers that they might just end up dead if they continued to rape and murder prostitutes. As the so-called first female serial killer, youve made headlines, not for what has been done to you, but for what youve done. Your bullets shattered the silence about violence against prostituted women, about prostitutes fighting back, and about a prostitutes revenge.

No small feat.

Talk about women who run with the wolves! Youve navigated America with a primeval cunning, a scavenging genius, without which neither wildlife nor prostitutes could survive: not for a day, not for an hour. And you understood early on that mutilated, headless, even limbless female corpses litter the landscape all over the country, and that they remain unclaimed and unmourned.

Long ago, you discovered such a corpse yourself. In a letter to Dawn, dated April 29, 2002, you write that in 1973, when you were only seventeen, you were hitchhiking outside of Chicago along interstate I-80, when you smelled something really bad, a foul odor which you followed; then, you found a womans pitiful headless, limbless torso. You write that, although you frantically tried, you could not get a state trooper or even a trucker to pay the slightest attention.

Girl: You got it a long time ago: that some women are treated like garbage, whether they are alive or dead.

But the whole thing must make you crazy: your shitty life, your awful death, your fame, how you cant lay your hands on the money, how others are still ripping you off.

For years, feminists talked about how theyd like to blow the bad guys away. They never did. It was only battered women, who, one by one, finally killed their tormentors in self-defense. And they were all mainly jailed forever after.

Hell, girl: Some feminists believed that you killed for them and were going to die for what they couldnt do. To them, youre some kind of Outlaw Jesus. You have to marvel at it all.

Lesbian feminists marched for you with banners that read FREE AILEEN WUORNOS. Feminist supporters wrote to you in droves. Many ended up sending me their correspondence with you. I even visited your true love, Tyria, who is absolutely nothing like her character in the film Monster. If anything, she seems tougher, far more butch than you. I guess we hit it off because she also gave me your letters to her. I even tracked down your biological mother, Diane, who said that I sounded like a member of the family, I seemed to know everyone. Lee: Please know that I begged her to write to you or to consider visiting you. She said she was too afraid to do it.

I first heard about you in December of 1990. The newspapers and national media announced that two women are being sought as possible suspects in the shooting deaths of eight to twelve middle-aged men in Florida. They warned the public, particularly middle-aged white men [!] travelling alone, to be careful. At first, I thought the broadcast was as diabolically whimsical as Orson Welless 1938 broadcast alerting the public to a Martian invasion. What was Everywomans most forbidden fantasy and Everymans worst nightmare doing on television? Was this some kind of joke? Perhaps these women were feminist Martians on a mission to avenge the Green River killings (of prostitutes) or the Montreal Massacre (mainly of women).

But it was only you.

Lee, do you remember when we first spoke? It was early in 1991. I had hopped a plane down to Ocala and tried to meet with your public defender, Trish Jenkins. She refused to do so. Next, I met with your new best girlfriend, Arlene Pralle, and persuaded her to have you call me. And so you did, the very next day. You called me from jail. I knew I would only have a few seconds to really get your attention and so I took a deep breath and told you that I represented a feminist government in exile, that we knew youd been captured, and that we wanted to help you.

Far fucking out, man, you said. Youre from the Womens Lib, arent you? Tell the women out there that Im innocent. Tell them that men hate our guts. I was raped and I defended myself. It was self-defense. I could not stop hustling just because some asshole was going around Florida raping and killing women. I still had to hustle.

Your voice was Joplin-husky and surprisingly sweet, even girlish. Did I expect you to sound like a man? Well honey, thats a real hefty swagger you wore on TV, and the way you tossed your hair around. Most women do it out of nervousness; you, you seemed to do it out of defiance, to intimidate, the way male lions toss their manes.

I still did not know how much of a hippie-wannabe you used to be, how much you loved Zeppelin, the Moody Blues, Pink Floyd, Carole King (you wrote all these things to Dawn, who shared some of this history with you); that you boozed, popped pills, took psychedelics, and ripped off clothing. I did not yet know that you were raped and impregnated when you were thirteen and gave up a son for adoption when you were fourteen. And were then immediately thrown out by your grandfather/father and had to hit the road, sleeping in cars, begging, stealing, selling pills, selling sex.

You said that jail didnt bother you, that you could take it, that the daily verbal abuse was nothing: Hey, whore, show us some tits n ass. Well put you in solitary forever if you do any weird lesbian shit in here. Bark at the moon, bitch, if you dont like it. Im going to enjoy watching you fry, real nice and slowly, once for each guy you killed.

I asked you what you needed. How are you doing on toiletries, do you have a canteen allowance? Are they letting you shower, exercise, see sunlight?

I asked you if anyone had ever helped you when you were growing up. You told me: I raised myself. I did a pretty good job. I taught myself my own handwriting, and I studied theology, psychology, books on self-enhancement. I taught myself how to draw. I have been through battles out there raising myself. Im like a Marine, you cant hurt me. If you hurt me, I can wipe it out of my mind and keep on truckin. I took every day on a day-by-day basis. I never let things dwell inside me to damage my pride because I knew what that felt like when I was young.

I believed you had committed that first murder in self-defense. You had me convinced. You said so on the stand, you said so in our correspondence and in our meeting on death row. But right here, in this book, in a letter to Dawn, you claim that you just out-and-out killed Richard Mallory, that you did not kill him in self-defense, that you lied through the skin of [your] teeth. Who am I supposed to believe? Youor you? Are there two yous? The Femme who killed, the Butch who held it all together?

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