Chuck Wendig - 250 Things You Should Know About Writing

"Chuck Wendig has done what so many authors desperately need and will never admit: offered a phenomenal book about the real world of writing, and made it reachable and readable by anyone. His terribleminds blog guided me through good days and bad, provided advice and much-appreciated laughter throughout the whole, often painful, process. I'm thrilled to have his brain trapped in Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey , and I'll be referring to the squishy gray-matter of his brilliance often.

If it weren't for Chuck Wendig's advice, I'd have fallen off the writing map long ago. This is the book you want stapled to your chest when you march into the battle of authorship! An absolute must-read for anyone even thinking of dabbling with words for a living.

-- Karina Cooper, Author of Blood of the Wicked

"Chuck Wendig's Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey is full of the kind of writing advice I wish I'd gotten in school. Practical, brutally honest, and done with the kind of humor that will make it stick in your brain. Whether you're a veteran writer or new to the craft, you'll find something useful in here.

Plus he says fuck a lot, so, you know, there's that."

-- Stephen Blackmoore, author of City of the Lost

"In Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey , Chuck Wendig hammers out writing and career advice that's always brave, profane, creative, clever, and honest. And don't forget hilarious. You'll never laugh so hard learning so much."

-- Matt Forbeck, game designer and author of Vegas Knights

These days, a kind word is regarded with suspicion. A supportive gesture is mistrusted. An altruistic move never is. We live in a time where cynics ignore the saccharine of Chicken Soup books and accept hugs only from Mother, and only when we're drunk and crying. When a writer hits cynical, drunken, mother-hugging rock bottom, that's when they need Chuck Wendig's raw, no-holds barred advice. This is not for the faint of heart. But then again, neither is writing.

-- Mur Lafferty, host of ISBW (I Should Be Writing) podcast, editor of Escape Pod , author of Playing For Keeps

"Despite being irreverent, vulgar, and funny, Chuck Wendig is also surprisingly profound. From one wordslinger about another, Chuck is the real deal and every prospective or working writer should read Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey . Hell, the Writer's Prayer alone is worth the price of admission."

-- Jennifer Brozek, Author of The Little Finance Book That Could

No seriously, hes not fucking around, you really dont want to be a writer. But if youre mad enough to decide that you do, Wendig will be your gonzo-esque guide, from the technical advice about structure, query letters and submissions, to dealing with agents and editors and how to make your characters do as theyre damn well told, hes just full of good advice. Like a cursing, booze-soaked Virgil to your Dante, let him show you around...

Buy this book, your editor will thank you.

-- Jenni Hill, Editor, Solaris Books

About the only thing harder than being a writer is trying to capture the utter insanity that truly is the writers life. In Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey, Chuck Wendig does just that. Youll be laughing, crying, shouting and grimacing, but most of all, youll feel the deep resonance of hearing the truth in all of its sarcastic, profane and comedic glory. If you want to be a better writer, or just want to be inspired by one of the best takes on writing Ive ever read, do yourself a favor and buy Confessions.

-- Daniel Ames, author of Feasting at the Table of the Damned

250 Things To Know About Writing

All material contained within copyright Chuck Wendig, 2011. All rights reserved.

Cover by Chuck Wendig, featuring the PENMONKEY design by Amy Houser .

Visit terribleminds , the website and blog of Chuck Wendig.

Irregular Creatures: Nine Short Stories

Confessions Of A Freelance Penmonkey (Writing Advice With Profanity)

Double Dead (Abaddon, November 2011)

Blackbirds (Angry Robot, May 2012)

Mockingbirds (Angry Robot, 2012/2013)

Lets just get this right out of the way

This book has 275 things to know about writing. Not 250.

I know. I know . Believe it or not, I can count. Even though I am not a registered mathologist , or even a certified addition accounting therapist , I can still add up numbers without the use of my fingers and toes. In fact, I have a lovely abacus over here. His name is Steve.

Its just, Im a writer. And as a writer, 250 sounds cleaner than 275. I dont know why that is. That latter 25 seems somehow like a crass little hangnail, doesnt it? It feels like, Well, pfah, why didnt he just go to , then? Lazy dickwipe.

So, you bought this book expecting 250 tips. Youre getting 275.

I cant imagine its going to be another tear-stained pillow night for you over that niggling detail.

All right. Now that weve got that ticklish detail out of the way, its time to address another purposeful inaccuracy. (We writers are nothing if not lying liar-faced stinky poo-poo deception machines, after all.)

This book is labeled things you should know about writing, and features topics that again use that nomenclature things you should know . As if Im some kind of authority. I mean, I have a little bit. Ive got a trio of novels coming out. I had a TV pilot deal and have a film in pre-production. Ive been freelancing for a number of years now. So, Im not completely mule-kicked. But even still such gall of me to stomp in here and say, these are the most important things ever regarding the topics I have chosen .

Its bullshit, of course. If this were properly named, it would be, Things I Think About [Insert Topic Here.] Only problem is, that just doesnt have the proper smell of authority (which, for the record, smells like equal parts new car and chainsaw oil ). It sounds a bit flimsy, doesnt it? Ehh, heres 250 things that may or may not be true about writing, I mean, okay, I believe them , but you certainly dont have to, no worries, no problem, dont hit me, not in the face. Wow. What a title that would make.

Far better to be all balls-out and cock-waving and say YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT OR YOULL DIE IN THE WATER AND BE EATEN BY TINY FISH AND CORPSE-RAPED BY AN OCTOPUS.

That gets eyes, after all.

And I want your eyes.

For my collection.

But Ill have those in time. For now, just go forth and read this collection, which is a compiled list of all the many things I believe about writing. Use them. Discard them. Crumple them up and smoke them in a glass bowl so as to inhale their hallucinogenic vapors .

If you like the book, please spread the word.

Thanks!

25 Things You Should Know About

The Internet is 55% porn, and 45% writers. You are not alone, and that's a thing both good and bad. It's bad because you can never be the glittery little glass pony you want to be. It's bad because the competition out there is as thick as an ungroomed 1970s pubic tangle. It's good because, if you choose to embrace it, you can find a community. A community of people who will share their neuroses and their drink recipes. And their, ahem, "fictional" methods for disposing of bodies.

A lot of writers try to skip over the basics and leap fully-formed out of their own head-wombs. Bzzt. Wrongo. Learn your basics. Mix up lose/loose? They're/their/there? Don't know where to plop that comma, or how to use those quotation marks? That's like trying to be a world-class chef but you don't know how to cook a goddamn egg. Writing is a mechanical act first and foremost. It is the process of putting words after other words in a way that doesn't sound or look like inane gibberish.