Marcia Reynolds - Coach the Person, Not the Problem: A Guide to Using Reflective Inquiry

COACH THE PERSON , NOT THE PROBLEM

Coach the Person, Not the Problem

Copyright 2020 by Marcia Reynolds
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First Edition
Paperback print edition ISBN 978-1-5230-8783-9
PDF e-book ISBN 978-1-5230-8784-6
IDPF e-book ISBN 978-1-5230-8785-3
Digital audio ISBN 978-1-5230-8786-0
2020-1
Copyediting: PeopleSpeak
Book design and composition: Marin Bookworks
Cover design: Irene Morris

To my parents, who never gave up on me no matter what problems I created.

MANY POPULAR BOOKS , leadership actions, and coaching guidelines outline rules for asking good questions. Common rules include ask open questions; start with what, when, where, how, and who; and avoid why questions.

These suggestions are misleading.

Coaches and leaders spend more time trying to remember the questions theyre supposed to ask than paying attention to the person they are coaching. They end up checklist coaching to ensure their questions follow the model they were taught in coaching school or a leadership workshop, which is more frustrating for the client than helpful.

Not only do coaches spend more time in their own heads than listening, they make coaching more complex than it should be. They dont realize that being present and using reflective statements such as summarizing, paraphrasing, and drawing distinctions can be more powerfuland easierthan seeking the magical question. When a coach asks a question after providing a reflection, the question is more likely to arise out of curiosity, not memory. At this point, even a closed question can lead to a breakthrough in thinking.

Coaching should be a process of inquiry, not a series of questions. The intent of inquiry is not to find solutions but to provoke critical thinking about our own thoughts. Inquiry helps the people being coached discern gaps in their logic, evaluate their beliefs, and clarify fears and desires affecting their choices. Solutions emerge when thoughts are rearranged and expanded.

Statements that prompt us to look inside our brains are reflective. They trigger reflection. Reflective statements include recapping, labeling, using metaphors, identifying key or conflicting points, and recognizing emotional shifts. Inquiry combines questions with reflective statements.

Questions seek answers; inquiry provokes insight.

When using reflective statements in coaching, clients hear their words, see how their beliefs form their perceptions, and face the emotions they are expressing. Then, a follow-up question that either confirms (Is this true for you?) or prompts exploration (when the coach is curious about what, when, where, how, or who) provokes clients to look into their thoughts.

Reflective statements + questions = reflective inquiry.

Adding reflective statements to questions makes coaching feel more natural and effortless. You dont have to worry about formulating the breakthrough question.

Pairing reflective statements with questions frees the coach of the weight of finding the perfect/best/right question.

On the other hand, some professionals who call themselves coaches ask questions for the purpose of determining what advice to give. They criticize the International Coaching Federation (ICF), formerly known as the International Coach Federation, for rigidly imposing requirements around question asking. A Harvard psychology professor told me she wasnt an ICF credentialed coach because her high-level executive clients didnt want her to ask about how they were feeling. Its a waste of time to question their thoughts and emotions, she said. They want my expertise. They are clueless and need advice or a kick in the butt. Its possible thats what her clients need, but that isnt coaching. Its face-slapping mentoring.

I fear the loss of coaching as a distinct profession when the word coaching is diluted by people preferring to give advice. Coaching is an effective technology for helping people quickly reframe, shift perspective, and redefine themselves and their situations. Coaches act as thinking partners for people who are stuck inside their stories and perceptions. They help clients think more broadly for themselves, beyond their blinding fears, inherited beliefs, and half-baked assumptions that limit possible actions. As a result of this new perspective, clients discover new solutions, take action on solutions they had avoided, and commit to long-term behavioral changes more often than when they are told what to do.

The goal of coaching is to get clients to stop and question the thoughts and behaviors that limit their perspective so they can see a new way forward to achieve their desires. Reflective practices provide an instant replay for clients to observe themselves telling their stories. The questions then help clients identify the beliefs and behavioral patterns they are using. They see for themselves what patterns are ineffective, even damaging. If done with patience and respect, its likely your clients will clearly see what they need to do without your brilliant advice.

The use of reflective inquiry as a powerful learning technology has been around for over one hundred years. Ill explain the origins of reflective inquiry in .

Using reflective inquiry with a caring and appreciative presence creates a connection where clients feel safe to critically explore how they think. Clients dont feel pressured to explore their blocks more deeply; they naturally go deeper. Hearing their own words prompts them to willingly dissect the meaning of their statements. They admit when their words are defensive rationalizations for behavior that doesnt align with their core values and desires.