Paul Ollinger - You Should Totally Get an MBA: A Comedians Guide to Top U.S. Business Schools

Praise for You Should Totally Get an MBA

Most business school guides are so deadly serious that they make for pretty bland reading. But Ollinger brings a fresh eye and a comedic perspective to the MBA world. The result? A witty and entertaining, yet highly informative and thoroughly irreverent guidebook for anyone considering the degree.

John Byrne, Editor-in-Chief, Poets & Quants

A hilarious read and pretty damn solid advice for any young professional considering the MBA.

Greg Coleman, President, Buzzfeed,

Adjunct Professor, NYU Stern School of Business

Paul wasnt the smartest guy in our class, butwait, no actually, thats really all I wanted to say.

Helen W. Kurtz, Vice President, General Mills, Inc., Tuck 97

...delivering relevant career guidance and big laughs in equal measure, Ollinger nails the upper right quadrant on the funny-useful matrix.

Mitch Galbraith, CEO, Funny or Die

This book echoes what Ive tried to build into my teams throughout my career: our work is serious, but our jobs make up a big part of our lives, so weve got to keep laughing.

Geoff Cottrill, Vice Chairman, Grammy Foundation

Ollinger has just invented the funny-motivational category of business books.

Jesse Itzler, Co-Founder, Marquis Jets,

Author of Living With a Seal, An owner of the Atlanta Hawks

Ive managed to survive in business without an MBA, but this book makes me wish I had gotten one. (Not really, but Paul asked me to write that.)

Jimmy Pitaro, Media executive

Paul writes like your crazy uncle who happens to know what hes talking about.

Kerry Trainor, CEO, Vimeo

All the publishers who passed up the opportunity to publish this awesome book are morons.

Wenda Harris Millard, President & COO, Medialink

You Should Totally Get an MBA:

A Comedians Guide to Top U.S. Business Schools

Copyright Paul Ollinger 2016. All Rights Reserved.

First published by Absolutely Huge Books

(a subsidiary of Absolutely Huge Company, LLC)

Atlanta, GA

ISBN 13: 978-0-9972706-0-0

Images from The New Yorker and Beavis & Butthead used with permission. Jet and Porsche photos from Flickr: https://goo.gl/EJGdgM , https://goo.gl/f3QYx7

Book design by Adam Robinson for Good Book Developers

www.PaulOllinger.com

Contact info: Media@StandUpSelling.org

Twitter: @Paul_Ollinger

LinkedIn: in/paulollinger

you should totally

get an mba

A Comedians Guide

to Top U.S. Business Schools

paul ollinger

Industry need not wish.

Benjamin Franklin

Introduction

I n 1995 I was 25 years old, broke as hell and sweating my ass off in the sticky heat of Memphis, TN. I was working a low-paying job, eating Ramen noodles for dinner and driving a crappy car with no air conditioning.

Suffice to say that I was having very little success in the romance department.

Then one day I got a letter that changed my life. It set me on the course for solid corporate employment in the middle run, affluence in the long runand amorous success in the short run. In fact, the evening I received said missive, I told a very attractive woman about it. She was so impressed that she consented to make smooshy-face with me in the bar parking lot. (We were in a bar. Did I mention that?)

Twenty years later, Im financially secure, and have beautiful children and a gorgeous wife. (Winky emoticon.)

Youre probably thinking, Tell me, Paulwhat was this letter that so impacted your life? Was it your Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes notification?

No.

Was it your Herbalife distribution franchise permit?

No.

Was it the fashion modeling contract you so richly deserved?

No. Unfortunately the modeling contract didnt come to fruition. It turns out that Ford Modeling Agency doesnt actually have a Husky and Balding division, as I was led to believe by my model development liaison at Barbizon.

But even though the letter didnt take me to the world of fashion, it did lead me to the land of The Beautiful People (well, The Semi-Beautiful People anyway).

Before I tell you about the letter, let me ask: would you like to get a letter that changes your life? A letter that sets you on the path to a great career and financial solvency? A letter that leads to parking lot smooshy-face with an attractive smooshy-face partner?

By the waywhy am I asking all of these rhetorical questions? Am I trying to be mysterious? Am I trying to heighten tension? Am I trying to get you to sign up for a cult or something?

Well, kind of, yeah.

Because what Im talking about here is business school, which you should already know from the title of the book (if you didnt know what I was leading up to, then youre not very bright and should stop considering graduate school of any kind).

The letter was my invitation to join the Class of 1997 at Dartmouths Tuck School of Business. It was a by-product of me getting off my lazy post-college ass and actually doing something to get my career going in the right direction.

The letter represented a yearlong quest to get myself admitted to one of the top MBA programs in the country. It meant that I had hurdled the GMAT, survived the on-campus interview and passed the mental probe of the application essay. It was my golden ticket to the financial chocolate factory, andas Im sure youll agreechocolate money kicks Ramens ass.

Of course it wasnt the letter itself that changed my life. It was what the letter representedthe doors that were now open to me. Doors that represented amazing career and life opportunities, should I choose to walk through them with some purpose, punctuality and acceptable personal hygiene.

Now, with almost 20 years and a great career (including stops at Yahoo!, Facebook and the Improv) between business school and today, I find myself reflecting on the business school experience with immense gratitude, and also with a great deal more perspective.

I can see now that I should have had better career direction right out of college and, perhaps, wouldnt have needed business school to focus my energies. But knowing that today is somewhat moot and does little good for the 25-year-old me who could barely afford to get the Ramen stains dry-cleaned out of his TJ Maxx neckties.

I can see now that I probably would have succeeded without business school because drive and ambition have played just as big a role in my success as any academic credential. But I know that Im far better offboth personally and professionallywith the skills, standards and personal network Tuck provided. (Btw, personal network is how MBAs so warmly refer to their friends.)

I can see now thatat 46I cant actually see as well as I did when I was 25. But what is very clear is that I was enormously, wildly fortunate to attend Tuck and to have had the great career that followed.

My work mission today is to use humor to help others find success and joy in their work lives. Im beginning this mission where I began my career: with business school. It is my hope that this book provides you, kind reader, with a better framework with which to approach business school, some catalyzed reflection andmost importantlyhearty laughter to help you during the stressful process of considering, applying to and working your way through a top MBA program and your post-graduation career.

A Word About Comedy

N o one spends the modern equivalent of $150,000 in business school tuition expecting to learn that he wants to be a stand-up comedian, yet that is what happened to me.

During the first semester of my first year at Tuck, I started writing for the student newspaper. My snarky articles in The Tuck Times earned me an invitation to co-host the Tuck Talent Show. While I had done some plays in high school and was often cracking jokes in our classes, I had never told jokes in front of an audience before.