Ben Cohen - Do You: Inspiration and Encouragement for Anyone Who Was Ever Bullied, Left Out, or Pushed Aside

Copyright 2015 by Ben Cohen Worldwide LLC

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Pam Krauss Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

www.crownpublishing.com

PAM KRAUSS BOOKS and colophon are trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cohen, Ben, 1978
Do you : inspiration and encouragement for anyone who was ever pushed aside, left out, or bullied / Ben Cohen. First edition.
1. BullyingPreventionJuvenile literature. 2. Self-esteemJuvenile literature. 3. Conduct of lifeJuvenile literature. I. Title.
BF637.B85C63 2015
302.343dc23
2015000331

ISBN 978-0-8041-8564-6
eBook ISBN 978-0-8041-8565-3

Cover design by Laura Palese

v3.1

Ignore it, and theyll eventually get bored and pick on someone else.

You just need to develop a thicker skin. Cant you take a joke? Come on, a little teasing wont kill you.

If you are the target of bullying, I bet youve heard something similar from certain people in your life. If you have felt hopeless and thought to yourself, They just dont get it, youre right, they dont. I know as well as anyone that bullying doesnt go away unless it is addressed and that yes, it can hurteven kill.

True story: My dad was savagely beaten and killed by a gang of thugs when he stood up for an employee who was being bullied. Just for stepping in to protect someone who was being victimized. It made me realize that bullying goes far beyond the supposedly good-natured horseplay that happens in the locker room or casual name calling we all hear on street corners or in school hallways every day. Seeing my father die at the hands of others made me realize that bullying of any kind is unacceptablethere is no level at which it is okay. Its all on a spectrum of just plain wrong. And it made me want to do something about it.

When I retired from playing rugby professionally in 2011 (just after being named Player of the Year) to launch the StandUp Foundation, many people thought I was crazy. But I knew that as a professional athlete and World Cup champion, I had a voice, and I needed to use that voice to make a real difference in the world. I needed to help people like you, and a million other people you or I may know and the millions more we dont, stand up for themselves and take the power back from the bullies.

Faggot loser beaver teeth lard ass retard.

These are just a few of the choice names Ive heard of people being called in my travels around the world as an anti-bullying advocate. Ive heard stories of kids getting stuffed into lockers and being hounded by online messages saying that they were too ugly to be seen in public. There are tales of beatings and bruises, both physical and psychological, which make me wonder how human beingsof all agescan inflict such cruelty on one another.

Even if youre not being physically assaulted, bullying hurts. Its painful, isolating, and often very frightening. But you dont need me to tell you that. If youre reading this, chances are that youor someone you loveare already familiar with the damage bullying causes. If youre living through itor have lived itplease know that I feel your pain and I understand.

And as Ive learned, the best way to defeat the bullies is by doing what you do bestin fact better than anyone else on the whole planetand that is DO YOU.

Throughout this book, you will find suggestions to help you deal with the bullies in your life, to make a game plan, and to find the teammates and coaches who will help you put that game plan into action. You will also hear from some of the StandUp supporters and bullying survivors Ive had the privilege of working with on this journey.

I hope Do You will provide both inspiration and practical advice to help you get through with your head held high and your heart and soul intact. In my case, as in the cases of so many others, these lessons were hard-earned. In the end, they are what turned me into a champion, not just in rugby, but in life. I wish the same for you. Let me hear from you, and know, always, that I am in your corner. #DoYou.

Ben Cohen

You can download PDFs of certain items in this book at http://rhlink.com/doyoumain.

Heres the truth about bullying: The bullys goal is to make you be someone or something other than yourself. He or she wants to make you give up and quit the thing you are the very best at: and thats being you .

And sometimes, we agree to it, especially when intimidation or violence is pointed our way. That kind of pressure clouds our thinking, making it easy to get confused about how somebody who doesnt even really know us can have so much influence over what we do, where we go, and how we act. But trying to change the way another person acts or feels or looks or anything else is just totally and completely and undeniably wrong.

So heres a bit of advice: When you are feeling bullied, intimated, scared, or confusedwhen you feel you dont know what to dojust do you.

Nobody knows you better than you do. You know whats right for you. You know where you are comfortable, real, and wonderful. When bullying causes you to question those things, you can choose to push back with the unbreakable power that is you. Nobody else has that power or will ever have it. Nobody else knows how to have it. Just you. Its your secret power.

IF THEY DO BAD,

DO YOU.

IF THEY DO UGLY,

DO YOU.

IF THEY DO NASTY,

DO YOU.

IF THEY DO MEAN,

DO YOU.

IF THEY DO WRONG,

DO YOU.

No matter what they do, you should do you.

You do you. Better than anyone ever has. So just keep on doing you, no matter what.

Lets just say it plainly: You matter more than bullies do. They want you to believe differently, but that is exactly what gives them power.

You matter more than the bullies. Period. And you have to believe that and live that.

But, easier said than done, right? After all, if standing up in the face of bullying was NBD, you probably wouldnt be reading this book. Youd be out thereanywhere and everywherejust being you. Doing you sort of stuff. Instead, youve found this book to help you through some painful times.