Table of Contents
Introduction
Im Kim West, a licensed child and family therapist and the mother of two girls. My clients know me as The Sleep Lady. For the past ten years, Ive focused my practice on helping tens of thousands of weary, bleary-eyed parents all over the world find solutions to their childrens sleep problemsfrom babies who are old enough to sleep through the night but arent yet doing so, to nap-resistant toddlers, to older kids who wont stay in their beds (or sneak into their parents beds uninvited). My method, the Sleep Lady Shuffle, depends on step-by-step changes in the bedtime, nap time, and middle-of-the-night routines that havent been working for these families. For the parents of infants in particular, its a gentler alternative to letting their babies cry it out. Ultimately, the children I work with develop sleep independence and can drift off on their own and sleep soundly throughout the night, knowing that Mom and Dad are nearby.
What makes the Sleep Lady method so successful is that its not a one size fits all approach to sleep coaching. When I work with a family individually, I factor in their values, lifestyle, and childrearing philosophies so as not to suggest something that might make parents feel uncomfortable. Doing so would be highly counterproductiveI cant stress this enoughand so a plan that parents cant stick with is bound to fail.
That said, the Sleep Lady Shuffle is not an overnight cure. Essentially, youre teaching your child a new skill. So be patient and remember that mastering a skillwhether its walking, handling a spoon, using the potty, or sleeping through the nighttakes time. However, the families I work with solve the majority of their kids bedtime snafus within two weeks. (Issues like napping and early rising typically take a little longer.)
How to Use This Workbook
For the best results, I recommend that you read the first few chapters, plus the chapter that corresponds to your childs age, of my book Good Night, Sleep Tight before you begin creating your plan (on page 46 of this workbook); at the very least, please read all the way through the workbook before you start sleep coaching your child. And remember: Your success will depend on consistency, follow-through, and patience, as well as 100 percent commitment on the part of everyone else who shares in caring for your childincluding your partner, your childs grandparents, and the sitter.
May you enjoy many peaceful nights of sleep ahead!
Kim West, LCSW-C The Sleep Lady
Disclaimer: The information and advice presented in this book have been reviewed by a qualified pediatrician. It should not, however, substitute for the advice of your family doctor or other trained health care professionals. You are advised to consult with a health care professional with regard to all matters that may require medical attention or diagnosis for your baby or child, and you should check with a physician before administering or undertaking any course of treatment such as sleep training your baby or child.
Liam, age 1 day
CHAPTER ONE
Before You Begin Sleep Coaching
I firmly believe that a solid understanding of important sleep principles is key for a sleep-training plan to work. I realize you may be eager to get started and tempted to skip this chapter, but if you havent read Good Night, Sleep Tight , then this chapter (and the next) are critical to your success .
Even if youve read Good Night, Sleep Tight , skip down and review the chapters on consistency and avoiding intermittent reinforcement on pages 6-7. Given that we all need to hear things at least three times before we can really understand them, and the fact that youre probably too tired to remember much these days anyway, its vital that you take the time to refresh your memory about these important concepts.
Need-to-Know Sleep Facts
Regular sleep time is key. Going to bed at the same time each night and getting up at the same time each morning is vital for children. The consistency keeps their internal body clock, a.k.a. circadian rhythm, on track, which in turn ensures that they get quality sleep. Even adults should have regular bed- and wake-up times; its okay if we vary our own routine on weekends, but only by one hour.
If you miss your childs natural time to sleepin other words, her sleep windowher body will begin to secrete hormones, including one called cortisol, which acts like a mild form of adrenaline and can leave her too wired to get to sleep easily. (I imagine this must feel much like trying to nod off when youre tired but have had too much caffeine.) Eventually, after youve both endured a good deal of crying, your child will fall asleep. Thank goodness, youll think, at least shell sleep late tomorrow. Logical, but incorrect. Having missed her regular bedtime, shell actually sleep less soundly and shell wake earlier than usual. This can then lead to poor naps the next day, a disrupted bedtime that nightand the beginning of a vicious cycle that will be tough to break.
Quality of sleep is just as important as quantity. Besides the right amount of sleep (for age-by-age sleep requirements, see Chapter 2), a child needs:
the right kind of sleep unfragmented, uninterrupted (except in the case of newborns who still need to nurse or take a bottle during the night), and motionless: the movement of, say, a baby swing prevents the brain from going into a deep sleep and is not as restorative.
to sleep at the right times in other words, his bedtime, wake-up time, and naps are all in sync with his natural sleep patterns.
sleep thats undisturbed by medical problems such as asthma, allergies, reflux, or obstructive sleep apnea or other physical sleep disorders.
Babies must be taught to put themselves to sleep: Its a learned skill. Putting your baby in her crib when shes drowsy but awake, will give her the opportunity to get herself to sleep on her own. If you have trouble visualizing what drowsy but awake means, imagine a scale of one to ten, one being wide awake and ten being deeply asleep. You want to put your baby down at around a seven or eight on the drowsy scale. She should be warm, fed, comforted, and clearly sleepy, but alert enough to know that shes going into the crib.
When you put your baby down at the right point on the drowsiness scale, shell probably protest. This is normal; no need to get her out and restart her bedtime routine. Instead, stay nearby and use physical and verbal reassurance to comfort her, and soon shell learn to transition from drowsiness to sleep without fussing. I will go over this in more detail in Chapter 3.
Note that you dont want your baby to fall asleep too quickly: If she conks out in less than five minutes, she was probably already so far gone when you put her down that she wasnt aware of being transferred from your arms to her crib. And without that lack of awareness, she wont learn her sleep lesson. Get her into bed when shes a tad less drowsy the next time.
Incidentally, drowsy but awake becomes less important as children get older. With toddlers and preschoolers, a calming bedtime routine of reading and songs prepares them for slumber. Of course, make sure youre not falling asleep with them during those soothing bedtime stories!
