West Kim - The Sleep Ladys good night, sleep tight : gentle proven solutions to help your child sleep well and wake up happy

The anecdotes included in this book are based on the real experiences of individuals and families. In all cases, names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

The information and advice presented in this book have been reviewed by a qualified pediatrician. It should not, however, substitute for the advice of your family doctor or other trained health care professionals. You are advised to consult with health care professionals with regard to all matters that may require medical attention or diagnosis and to check with a physician before administering or undertaking any course of treatment.

Copyright 2010 by Kim West and Joanne Kenen First edition 2004, 2006; revised edition 2010

Published by Vanguard Press A Member of the Perseus Books Group

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For information and inquiries, address Vanguard Press, 387 Park Avenue South, 12th Floor, New York, NY 10016, or call (800) 343-4499.

Designed by Lisa Kreinbrink Set in 10-point Janson Text

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

West, Kim.

The sleep lady's good night, sleep tight : gentle proven solutions to help your child sleep well and wake up happy / Kim West with Joanne Kenen. Rev. ed.

p. cm. Includes index. ISBN 978-1-59315-558-2 (alk. paper)

1. InfantsSleep. 2. ChildrenSleep. I. Kenen, Joanne. II. Title. RJ506.S55W47 2009 649'.122dc22

2009036484

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To Denise Drake, who helped me expand my vision of my work and encouraged me years ago to become The Sleep Lady.

Kim West

To Ken, Zach, and Ilan, who make my dreams sweet.

Joanne Kenen

I want to thank Joanne Kenen for the thousands of hours she put into this book, for hearing and conveying my voice, and for believing in The Sleep Lady program. I

couldnt have done this without her expertise, encouragement, and commitment.

Each of the families who have laughed, cried, and celebrated their struggles and progress with me is central to this book. Thank you for letting me into your lives and for allowing me to learn along with you.

My entire family has offered me extraordinary support, endless encouragement, and a willing ear even when they were tired of hearing about sleep. A special thank-you to my wonderful daughters, who were my first teachers of the gift of sleep and who continue to teach me new things to this day.

Finally, thank you to Roger Cooper, David Wilk, Lottchen Shivers, and all of the Vanguard team who believe in me and my message. Thank you to our editors, Mary Bahr and Francine LaSala, for their patience, time, and enthusiasm for this book.

Kim West

I would like to thank Kim West for sharing her Sleep Lady secrets and including me in this book project. In addition, my friends and colleaguesincluding Deborah Zabarenko, Michael Arkus, Nancy Zuckerbrod, and my mother, Regina Kenenread and helped me improve sections of this manuscript, as did our editor, Mary Bahr. Sylvia Stein and Andrew Nibley were also great sounding boards. My husband, Ken, and my sons, Zach and Ilan, graciously endured having a book-writing mom in the house. Finally, I want to thank the dozens of moms and dads who found time in their busy lives to share their stories and insights with me. We changed their names to protect privacy, but I hope I remained true to their voices and experiences, and that through them, other parents and children will find their own path to good nights.

Joanne Kenen

Since the first edition of Good Night, Sleep Tight was published in 2004, Ive heard from thousands of grateful families from all over the world who have used my Sleep Lady system to get their babies, toddlers, and preschoolers as well as themselvesto sleep. In this revised and updated edition, my goal is to make it even easier for you.

Ive updated the book to include the latest pediatric research on sleep safety, pacifier use, and breastfeeding guidelines (and yes, you can breastfeed for as long as you want and still have a family that sleeps at night). Ive expanded sections that parents have told me were the most difficult, including phasing out nighttime feedings and that tricky transition when toddlers go from two naps to one. Ive given you more information on dealing with siblings sleep and added some intriguing new findings on interpreting your newborns cries. Ive included new tips to help both Mom and Dad confidently bond with their baby and help the baby form a healthy secure attachment to them. And Im pleased that Helen Garabedian let me share some bedtime poses from Itsy Bitsy Yoga, which I think youll love as much as your children do. Ive also added a section on postpartum depression, which I hope all moms and dads and grandparents read. It can help you recognize the warning signs of depression not just in yourself but in friends and family members. And it tells you how to get help.

As Ive worked with families over the years, one of the topics that always comes up is whether to cosleep or bedshare, and if so, for how long. Im supportive of bedsharing, if its what you want and you do it safely. But I also know a lot of families who end up with a baby in the bed not because theyve chosen to cosleep but because they just cant figure out what else to do. So I give you plenty of help if and when you want to stop bedsharing, and I also talk a lot (and recommend to many of the families I work with one-on-one) about a middle way, roomsharing. That means youll keep the infant in your room but in a separate bed, literally at your fingertips if you want, for the first three to six months. It makes night feeding easier, and may make you sleep better too if your new little baby is right by your side.

If youve looked at other parenting sleep books, youll find that they usually cover just the first few months or maybe the first year of life. You have to buy a second book to cover the toddler and preschool years. I thought that was a little silly. First of all, many of you have more than one child: I didnt want to make you buy two books! Also, you may discover that even good sleepers may face different sleep challenges as they move through childhoodwhen they switch from two naps to one, or when they move from a crib to a bed, when you travel, and when a baby brother or sister is born, to name a few common examples. And not all children do everything on a precise schedule. One baby might hit a developmental milestone at eleven months, and another baby who is just as bright may hit it at thirteen months. Both are normal. But I didnt want you flipping through two books trying to figure out which one had the answer to your particular problem. Of course, that means this book is long! With this edition, I tried to make it easier for sleep-deprived parents to find the information they need. Youll find some easy reference boxes, tips, and listsas well as some adorable pictures from my readers! I hope it helps.

Even though I do cover ages from newborn to five years all in one volume, the Sleep Lady system does have two distinct phases. In the first few months of life, we concentrate on soothing techniques and establishing basic rhythms and routines to help babies learn to sleep. Its subtle but effective. For many infants, this foundation will enable them to start going to sleep by themselves and staying asleep all night between ages four and six months. Other babies may need more intervention, and my Sleep Lady Shuffle provides a sleep-shaping system that is structured but gentle. But the Shuffle is not designed for newborns. Usually we dont introduce it until about six months. Some parents have had success with the Sleep Lady Shuffle with a healthy baby as early as four months, but if it doesnt work that early, please dont give up. Keep following the steps I recommend for four- or five-month-old babies, and try the Shuffle again if you need to at six months. Always check with your babys doctor before beginning any sleep-training system.