Elizabeth Sloane - The Gift of Sleep: Teach your baby to sleep in three nights

First published in 2017

Copyright Elizabeth Sloane 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

Originally published as an ebook in 2013 by Mamamia Publishing.

Excerpt on pages reprinted with the kind permission of the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute.

Allen & Unwin

83 Alexander Street

Crows Nest NSW 2065

Australia

Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100

Email:

Web: www.allenandunwin.com

Cataloguing-in-Publication details are available from the National Library of Australia

www.trove.nla.gov.au

ISBN 978 1 76029 6 780

eISBN 978 1 92557 686 3

Cover design: Christabella Designs

Cover photograph: Olena Afanasova / 123RF

For every parent who has ever walked the halls despairing at 2 a.m.

Contents

Elizabeth Sloane has been giving babies the gift of sleep for over 20 years. With a gentle, loving and soothing nature, Elizabeths methods are credited with breaking cycles of sleeplessness, emotional exhaustion and frustration for babies and their parentsa truly life-changing experience. Her program offers a calm, committed and consistent approach to all families in need of the Gift of Sleep.

Elizabeth had always enjoyed looking after young babies and children but felt like there was little support for parents with babies over six months old with sleep issues. Following her heart, she discovered a unique talent in teaching babies and toddlers to self-settle and soon found herself inundated with requests for help. Having honed her craft over the past two decades, Elizabeth is deeply committed to each family, ensuring that their baby reaches their goal. She lives in Sydney with her beautiful family.

Before you start any sleep program, I recommend you go to your paediatrician, child health nurse or GP and get the tick of approval that your baby is 100 per cent healthy. Its also important to know that crying is a normal part of a babys existence. After all, its how they communicate with us! My Gift of Sleep program is not about stopping babies from cryingnot at all. Instead, it is a program specifically designed to lovingly correct those unhealthy sleep habits your child may have developed. Every child deserves a good nights sleepits vital to their wellbeing. This sleep school program teaches your infant healthy sleep behaviours and the ability to self-settle. If you are reading this book because your child cries for long, unexplained periods of time, you should absolutely consult your doctor to ensure there is no underlying health or emotional issue.

Always, always trust your gut instinct as a parent, and attend to your child if at any point you feel they are in distress. If you are feeling depressed and think you may have postnatal depression, you are not alone. Please call PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) on 1300 726 306 (www.panda.org.au) or BeyondBlue on 1300 22 4636 (www.beyondblue.org.au).

At 3 a.m., no one can hear you scream.

Thats precisely how it feels when youre up in the middle of the night with a baby who doesnt sleep. I could hear my baby screaming clearly enough. Several times every night. But my own screams? My screams of exhaustion, despair, frustration and loneliness? They were confined to the inside of my head.

For the first few weeks after my daughter was born, I ran on a heady mix of hormones and adrenaline, with a generous splash of gratitude that my longed-for baby had arrived safely.

Night feeds were almost a novelty. I felt womanly and invincible, filled with love for my little girl and the world. I willingly slept on a crappy mattress on the floor of her room so my beloved husband could sleep undisturbed in our giant bed. I was so grateful to him for helping create this beautiful creature that it was the least I could do. I was a happy martyr. And hey, since I was breastfeeding and he didnt have breasts, what was the point of him getting up at 2 a.m.? Let alone 3, 4 and 5 a.m.

But after more than a month of waking several times every night to feed and soothe my tiny daughter back to sleep, I began to lose my sense of humour.

The adrenaline had long worn off, replaced by an overwhelming fatigue that was crushing the life out of me.

Most mornings I couldnt recall what had transpired the previous night. I was always certain it had been a train wreck but the details were hazy. Did she wake at 1.15 a.m. for a feed, at 2.25 for the dummy, for another feed at 3.10 and then the dummy again at 3.40? Or was it 1.50 a.m. for a feed, 3.20 for the dummy, a feed again at 4.15, and dummy at 4.35 and 5.50? Or was that the night before? Or maybe last week? Whats my name again? And who is that person in the mirror? I dont recognise her anymore.

Despair is the evil twin of sleep deprivation. Despair that your baby might never sleep more than a few hours in a row. Despair that youll never ever feel human again. Despair that no one will ever understand how pitifully exhausted you are. Despair that theres no way out.

Its easier to just stick in the dummy or the bottle or the boob or bring your baby into your bed whatever it takes to get themand youback to sleep quickly. After months of broken sleep, a quick fix will always win over the hard yards of a proper solution. Youre just too exhausted to find a way out of your exhaustion.

Id already made this mistake once before, with my son. We had attempted controlled crying half-heartedly a few times but I refused to persevere because I worried it might damage him psychologically. So we waved the white flag and surrendered to the massive disruption of sleeplessness.

In hindsight, this was such a false emotional economy. He didnt sleep properly until he was four and it caused huge stress in our relationship, compromised my ability to go to work and to function properly on some pretty basic levels. Most devastatingly, it leeched chunks of my joy and confidence in being a mother. My husband and I swore wed do it differently next time.

I should note at this point that both parents do it tough, even if its only one of you thats bearing the brunt of night waking. Although, after a long night walking the floor with a crying baby, its funny how hearing your partner say Im tired when they wake at 7 a.m. can make you want to pick up the nearest heavy object and harm them with it.

Every morning, a shattered parent needs an enormous injection of cheerleading and validation, along the lines of You are amazing! You are a hero! You are incredible! I dont know how you do it! Frequently, even this is not enough to stem the demoralising effects of sleep-deprivation or prevent the resentment from building.

I often felt that nothing short of a ticker-tape parade should be held for me each morning to celebrate my heroism in getting through yet another night. Yet. Another. Night.