de Becker - Protecting the gift : keeping children & teenagers safe (& parents sane)

DE BECKER HAS DONE IT AGAIN in a field that is full of pseudo advice on protecting Americas most valuable assetour children. Protecting the Gift leads the way in this field. Its a must for all parents raising children in an ever increasingly violent society.

Robert Ressler, FBI behavioral scientist,
author of Whoever Fights Monsters

De Becker offers insights into the behavior and strategies of predators to help parents protect their children.

The Denver Post

PROTECTING THE GIFT IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR EVERY PARENTS WORST NIGHTMARE. A rare opportunity to converse with a master observer of the human condition.

Dr. John Monahan, professor of psychology and law,
University of Virginia, author of Predicting Violent Behavior

DE BECKER WRITES ELOQUENTLY AND COMPASSIONATELY ABOUT THE REAL DANGERS FACING CHILDREN. De Becker delivers his message not only through emotionally resonant real-life stories but also through a distillation of the teachings of major criminal justice and psychological researchers. He has achieved what the academics have not been able to effectively domake the research understandable and useful to the average person.

Paul Mones, childrens rights attorney,
author of When a Child Kills

THIS IS TOP-DRAWER CHILD-REARING STUFF.

Booklist

PROTECTING THE GIFT TAKES A GIANT STEP IN HELPING PARENTS TRANSLATE FEAR INTO POSITIVE ACTION THAT CAN PROVIDE SAFETY FOR THEIR CHILDREN.

Ann Wolbert Burgess, professor of psychiatric nursing,
University of Pennsylvania

De Becker focuses his new book on how to use that intuitive fear to protect your children as well as yourself from danger.

The book is handy for parents who find themselves in a constant state of worry over their teens might offer parents some sanity.

Detroit Free Press

GAVIN DE BECKER OFFERS REALISTIC ANTIDOTES FOR PARENT WORRIES.

Kansas City Star

Gavin de Becker actually has something new to tell parents about teaching kids safety.

The Hartford Courant

Gavin de Becker has captured the truths from real-life stories that we can use to protect our children from the predators of society.

I will be a different kind of parent, spouse, and friend because of Gavins profound insights. We would need fewer police officers and prosecutors in this country if everyone followed the advice in this book.

Casey Gwinn, city attorney, San Diego, California

A DELL TRADE PAPERBACK

Published by
Dell Publishing
a division of
Random House, Inc.
1540 Broadway
New York, New York 10036

Copyright 1999 by Gavin de Becker

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address: The Dial Press, New York, New York.

DTP and the colophon are trademarks of Random House, Inc.

eISBN: 978-0-307-83369-3

Library of Congress Catalog card number: 99-22006

Reprinted by arrangement with The Dial Press.

Published simultaneously in Canada

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Much of the language in this book is gender-specific to men; I dont always write he or she, his or hers, etc. Thats because men, at all ages and in all parts of the world, are more violent than women. My language may not always be politically correct, but when it comes to violence, it is statistically correct.

Every story in this book is true. Though a few names and identifying features have been changed to protect privacy, 90 percent are the actual names of the people involved.

Friday was the one evening each week that Holly spent entirely with Kate, usually along with other mothers and their daughters met through Kates school. This particular Friday, the plan was an early meal at a restaurant, followed by a movie. At dinner, the women were protective, as always, but theyd recently initiated a new freedom: letting the girls sit at a nearby table on their own. The tables were close enough for Holly to see that her daughter wasnt eating muchit interfered with talkingbut she didnt bug Kate about that in front of her friends; she was eight now, old enough to be embarrassed.

If you took away their twenty-five-year age difference, Holly and her daughter were like twins: both slender with short dark hair and large blue eyes, both liked to talk and to laugh, and both loved movies. This particular Friday, their movie would be Jurassic Park. After dinner Holly decided to leave the car at the restaurant and take advantage of the extra-warm night by walking the two blocks to the theater with Kate. None of the other mothers chose to walk, one of them noting, The sun will be down when we get out, and I dont want us to have to make our way back to the car in the dark. So Kate and Holly enjoyed the walk on their own.

At the theater, they joined the six other mothers and their seven daughters, who were already doing what Steven Spielberg has made worthwhile for millions of people: standing in line. A man ahead of them looked at Holly as if they knew each other. He was about thirty years old, tall and a little pudgy, with very short blond hair. He was wearing loose-fitting sweatpants and a too-small T-shirt with the words AFRAID OF THE DARK across the chest. Holly was sure theyd never met. Just as he appeared about to say something, she decided to turn away. At that moment, he asked her, Ladies night out?

Uh-huh, Holly (sort of) responded. She was thinking about Jeff Goldblum, her favorite actor. To her, the dinosaurs would be only a distraction. The man had another question. Taking in all the mothers and daughters he asked, Whats the idea, safety in numbers? Holly nodded, but she was thinking, Bug off. She wasnt sure why, but she knew she did not like him.

After the line, after the candy debates with the girls (But were still hungry!), after the wholl-sit-next-to-who contest, and after all the mid-movie trips to the bathroom, the world was saved from prehistoric predators and the group was gathered in the lobby, saying goodnight. One of the other mothers offered Holly and Kate a ride to their car, but Holly declined: Its just a couple of blocks and even after that film, Im not afraid of the dark. As she heard herself saying those words, she felt apprehension about walking, just a soft whisper that said