Catherman - The manual to middle school: the do this, not that survival guide for guys
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2017 by Jonathan Catherman
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2017
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-0967-9
The author is represented by the literary agency of Books & Such.
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Introduction: Middle School Madness
1st Day
Absences
Announcements
Assemblies
Backpacks
BathroomsKeep It Clean
BathroomsNo Loitering
Body Odor
Book Reports
Bragging
Brush Your Teeth
Bullies
BusTake Your Seat
BusWaste Not, Want Not
Car Riders
Cell Phones
Cheating
Clothing Style
Cologne
Communication
Crying
Cyberbullies
Dances
Dating
Desks
Detention
Drinks
Elective Classes
Emotions
Face Wash
Farting
Fights
Fire Drills
Food
Foot Odor
Friends
Gaming
Get to Class on Time
Girl Friends
Girls Friends
Gossip
Grades
Grammar
Hair
Hall Pass
Hallways
Hand Washing
Handwriting
Home Room
Homeroom
Homework
Leadership
Lockdowns
Locker Rooms
Lockers
Lost and Found
Lunch
Lunch Line
Lying
Media Center/Library
Money
Nail Trimming
Name on Your Paper
Online
Parents
PDA
Physical Education
Pop Quizzes
Prepared for Class
Principal
Problem Solving
Puberty
Raise Your Hand
Reading for Fun
Reading for School
Report Cards
Respect Upperclassmen
School Pictures
Shaving
Showering
Siblings
Sick Days
Skipping School
Social Media
Sports
Stealing
Studying
Substitute Teachers
Swearing
Teachers
Testing
Texting
Track the Teacher
Trash
Voice Changes
Voice Volume
Writing Papers
Yearbook
Zombies
Riddle Me This
Notes
About the Author
Books by Jonathan Catherman
Back Ads
Back Cover
B efore you arrive for the first day of middle school, its best to know a little about what youre stepping into. Heres what you need to know about the first day. At least one-third of the students are new to the building, and they are feeling about the same as you. The older kids are excited to see their friends, so they wont pay much attention to the newbies walking around. The building is bigger, halls are louder, and passing between classes can be like moving through a crazed herd of cats. The truth is, you might get lost once or twice on the first day of school. But dont worry about it because you wont be the only one. A right turn down the wrong hall can send anybody into the land of the lost. If you do find yourself wandering around, dont freak out. Your best plan for getting back on track and heading the right direction is only three steps away.
STEP 1 Ask for directions. The worst thing you can do is keep standing there looking lost.
STEP 2 Get moving. The classroom isnt coming to you, so dont just stand there.
STEP 3 Dont make excuses. When you do finally make it to class, just tell the teacher that you got lost. Theyll totally understand when youre honest about an honest mistake.
Pop Quiz
Q: Where is the school gym?
A: You have no idea, so tape a school map on the inside cover of a master folder. When you get lost, just open the folder, read the map, and find your way to gym class.
A ccording to experts in every middle school attendance office worldwide, there are three legit reasons to be absent from school:
Reason #1 , SickAn infection, affliction, or disorder that can be examined, diagnosed, and verified. Symptoms include a high temperature, migraine, chunks hurling out of either end of your digestive system, broken bones, or another verifiable injury. NOT sick is when you are faking it.
Reason #2 , Family emergencySituations calling for immediate action, like the passing of a family member, your home is damaged by a freak weather storm, or the zombie apocalypse. NOT a family emergency is the death of your goldfish, girlfriend breaks up with you, or your favorite jeans didnt get washed due to a false call on that zombie apocalypse thing.
Reason #3 , Professional interventionWhen serious life or legal needs require outside professional or legal help. These may include, but are not limited to, counseling, court, or a doctor appointment. NOT an intervention includes doing time on the beach or a 10-hour therapy session with Dr. Pillow.
When you are absent for a day or two, bring a parents or doctors note to the office with an explanation of your absence.
Quote
Dont pretend to be sick and stay home to get out of a test or project. Fake absences still mean making up class and homework when you come back. There goes all your free time for a couple days.
T he freedom of assembly is an important part of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. When the Founding Fathers penned the rights of our nation, they stated that the people are allowed peaceful assembly. Never did they imagine packs of savage students swarming in crazed assembly. Pep rallies, awards presentations, talent shows, and guest speakers are all perfect times for the entire school to get together and have some fun. The freedoms students get to experience in assemblies include laughing, learning, clapping, cheering, and being part of stuff like class competitions and fun games. Sleeping, farting, pushing, pranking, and disrupting an assembly are not freedoms, are not protected, and will not be tolerated. So enjoy the break in the school day, keep the gathering peaceful, and the school will grant you the freedom to assemble in another assembly soon.
To Do in Middle School:
Volunteer to represent your grade in a school assembly class competition.
Keep It Clean
T here are only two good reasons to visit the room of thrones and neither of them includes trashing the place on purpose! Seriously, do what you have to doo-doo, if you need two, but keep it clean. Flush from your mind the urge to mark the walls, clog the sink, or scratch the mirrors before returning to class.
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