Borgenicht David - Golf

The
WORST-CASE SCENARIO
Survival Handbook:
GOLF

By Joshua Piven, David Borgenicht, and James Grace
Illustrations by Brenda Brown

Copyright 2002 by Quirk Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Worst-Case Scenario and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook are trademarks of Quirk Productions, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.

eISBN 978-0-8118-7354-3

Illustrations by Brenda Brown

A Book
www.quirkproductions.com
Visit www.worstcasescenarios.com

Chronicle Books LLC
680 Second Street
San Francisco, California 94107
www.chroniclebooks.com

When a dire situation is at hand, safe and sane alternatives may not exist. To deal with the worst-case golfing scenarios presented in this book, we highly recommendinsist, actuallythat you carefully evaluate the situation before you act; that you act responsibly and within the boundaries of the law and course rules; and that you attempt to consult a professionally trained expert, golf pro, or physician before placing yourself in harms way. However, because highly trained professionals may not always be available when the physical or mental well-being and safety of individuals is at risk, we have asked experts on various subjects to describe the techniques they might employ in these emergency situations on and off the course. THE PUBLISHER, THE AUTHORS, AND THE EXPERTS DISCLAIM ANY LIABILITY from any harm or injuryphysical or mentalthat may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book. We do not claim that the information contained herein is complete, safe, or accurate for your specific situations. Moreover, it should by no means be considered a substitute for your good judgment, skill, and common sense. And finally, nothing in this book should be construed or interpreted to infringe on the rights of other persons or entities, nor should it encourage you to violate criminal statutes or course rules: All activities described should be conducted in accordance with state and federal laws as well as the rules of the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews. Breaking a club is one thingbreaking the law is another.

The Authors

My entire life has revolved around golf, in one form or another. It started when I was five. I hit my first shot on the course with my father during his regular Saturday morning game, continued playing through the collegiate and amateur ranks, and ultimately played 10 years as a touring professional. Throughout all these years, Ive encountered more than my fair share of disasters on the golf course. Like all good disasters, most of these were unexpectedbut ultimately they taught me quite a bit about myself and the game.

SURVIVAL RULE #1: Watch where youre driving.

One year, my friends and I decided to enter a night tournament in Phoenix. We were all good players and thought that we would win most of the prizes easily. We were in our cart approaching the green on a par-3 late in the roundit was very darkwhen the cart path suddenly split. Our partners went right, we went left. The next thing I knew, I was really wet. My partner and I burst out laughing. A hundred yards away, the members of the other cart were howling, too. Sure enough, wed driven our carts into the greenside lakeand both carts were almost completely submerged. We didnt win that tournament, but we had by far the best stories to tell at the awards party. Still, we werent invited back.

SURVIVAL RULE #2: An eye for an eye only makes the whole tour blind.

Physical confrontations are usually few and far between on the golf course. However, early in my career I played in a Nike Tour event in Santa Rosa, California. I was paired with a friendly acquaintance for the first two rounds of the event. We had been paired together a disproportionate number of times that particular season, and I guess we were just growing a little tired of each other.

After he brought it home in 42 on the back nine to ruin a front nine 31, he signed his scorecard, approached me, and proceeded to antagonistically inform me that the lack of heart, talent, skill, and character he displayed on the back nine were all my fault. (In truth, some of it probably was, because I wasnt playing very inspired golf after a horrible front nine that left my clubs and my enthusiasm bruised and battered.)

Not wanting to get fined or suspended by decking him right then and there, I calmly listened to him and politely disagreed with everything he said. I tried chalking it up to end-of-the-year weariness, but it festered in my mind all night, and I knew that the next day would be agonizing, because we were still paired together. So I decided something had to be done.

On the driving range in the morning, I dropped my clubs, went over to him, and said, If you have any intention of talking to me in that tone again, be prepared to settle it like a man. I spent the rest of the day trying to antagonize him into starting a physical confrontation.

In the end, we both played horribly, we both acted like children, and we both knew that our emotions cost us any chance of performing well in that tournament. To this day were still friends, but I hope I never have to play golf with him again.

SURVIVAL RULE #3: When the weather gets rough, get going.

During the first round of the 1991 US Open, I was on the golf course putting out on the sixth green as a storm produced some vicious lightning. In those days, we were still allowed to complete the hole we were playing even if play was suspended due to threatening weatherand we decided to do so. Once finished, we were herded into a school bus, and we heard the sirens of an ambulance. We later learned that a spectator was killed by a bolt of lightning. Later that same year, another spectator was killed at the PGA Championship in Indianapolis. The danger of lightning was now thoroughly understood by everyone in golf.

Later in my career, I was among a group of three that actually terminated play for the entire field at a Nike Tour event in Shreveport, Louisiana. We felt in danger because of lightning, and decided to walk off the course. Our decision wasnt overly popular with the rules officials, but we werent about to take any chances. You shouldnt either.

Golf has taught me many valuable lessons, and it has brought me many joysbut I still never know whats awaiting me on the next hole. Expect the unexpected. And the next time you find yourself in a situation that you never dreamed possible, remember, I warned you.

Jerry Foltz, Tournament Player and Journalist

When Im on a golf course and it starts to
rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron,
cause I know even God cant hit a one iron.

Lee Trevino

They say that life is a lot like golfdont believe them.
Golf is a lot more complicated.

Gardner Dickinson

A triple bogey is the least of your problems!

Even if you think your game is under control and you are spending most of your time on the fairway and greens, youre at riskthe most dangerous sort of risk, because you think you are safe. But a round of golf can turn to nightmare in seconds: a bird suddenly attacks; a cart careens out of control; an alligator claims your ball. Even if you never have to disarm an angry golfer or extinguish a cigar brush firenever need to stick your hand down a gopher hole, never hit a beehive, and never attempt to scale a fence to retrieve a wayward ballyou may face great peril on the links.