Borgenicht David - How to con your kid: simple scams for mealtime, bedtime, bathtime--anytime!

Copyright 2005 by Quirk Productions, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging in
Publication Number: 2005925814

eISBN: 978-1-59474-567-6

Designed by Michael Rogalski
Illustrations: www.jasonschneider.com

Quirk Books
215 Church Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
quirkbooks.com

v3.1_r1

This is the book your kids dont want you to read.

This is the book that will give you the skills, the know-how, and the street smarts to beat your children at the only game theyre better at than you arebeing children. Sure, theyre smaller than you and, theoretically, not as smart as you. And, sure, you are the grown-up, so whatever you say goes, no matter what, right?

But in the real world, and especially with todays mode of parenting (in which many of us attempt to talk to our kids as if theyre adultsour first mistake), thats not how it works. Thats just not how kids play the game.

For children, especially those between the ages of 2 and 7, every day is a struggle between wanting to be more in control of their own lives and wanting to still be your little baby. As infants, all they had to do was cry and youd come running. Why shouldnt that same approach work now, especially if they can add whining, cajoling, and negotiating to the mix? Just because they have the capacity for empathy and reason doesnt mean they think itll get them what they want any faster!

Why shouldnt they spend all day completely naked? Why cant they have ice cream as an after-school snack? Kids dont know youre supposed to get dressed before you go anywhere or that candy isnt in the new food pyramid. Kids dont know they arent allowed to use your iDevice 24/7 just like you do. Kids dont know there isnt an unlimited supply of money in your wallet for buying toys whenever they want or that tantrums arent the primary negotiating tool of all great litigators. (Come to think of it, some great litigators dont know that, either.) Kids dont realize that getting a haircut isnt an ancient form of torture, that nail trimming doesnt hurt, or that theres such a thing as an inside voice.

Thats where you come in. You have to educate them somehowor otherwise convince them to do what you want. That can be accomplished in a variety of ways.

Sometimes its enough to lay the groundworkgive them the benefit of the doubt, treat them like responsible and intelligent individuals, teach them why things are the way they are.

But, other times, youll need to be a bit, well, craftier. Youll need to trick, distract, or redirect your child so that he falls in line. This book gives you the essential tools and knowledge to do just that. (By the way, this seems like a good point to mention that, instead of using the awkward he or she, weve decided just to vary the gender pronoun throughout the text, OK?)

This book contains all the information you need to con your kidto convince her to behave exactly the way you want her to, anytime, anywhere. Youll learn classic techniques, like offering Short Cons (choices that make your child feel as though shes in control, when in reality youre the one pulling the strings) and turning dreaded activities into fun and games. Youll master the art of misdirection and gain time-honored parenting skills you can use to get your kids to bend to your willwithout them ever realizing it.

Also for this new edition, weve revised and updated the text to include even more tips, tricks, and techniques to help you deal with the modern-day kid (now that youre a modern-day parent).

To come up with the suggestions that follow, we not only tapped into the vast arsenal of parental weapons we and our wives have used on our own children for the past several yearsDavid has two kids, Sophie and Max; James has three, Avery, Cooper, and Dustinwe also surveyed dozens of other parents and experts (doctors, family therapists) in order to provide you with a comprehensive guide to the simplest scams and best misdirection methods available. All are parent tested and approved, and we offer several options so that you can choose the trick that best suits the situation, the need, and your particular child. Whats more, youll learn the basic principles to invent crafty cons of your very own.

And if you do invent successful strategies, we want to know about them. So please visit quirkbooks.com/conyourkid to post your own cons and queries. (Were assembling material for two more books in the series, How to Con Your Tween and How to Con Your Teen, so send us your ideas for older kids as well.)

We hope youll use this book wiselyand that youll keep it in a safe place. After all, kids are learning to read earlier and earlier these days, and you dont want it to fall into the wrong hands. Feel free to share it with other parents once your own children have finally gained the capacity to reason (or at least when theyre on to you and your schemes).

And remember: We are the parents. We are bigger, smarter, and craftier. To paraphrase Cliff Huxtable, we brought our kids into the world, and we can take them out. Even if were only trying to take them out for dinner.

Its us or them. Lets make sure that its usand that they dont ever realize it!

David and James

grooming cons

Isnt there an old wives tale advising one hundred strokes before bed? Yeah, right. Most parents would happily settle for ten strokes before school. The bed head look may be popular with teenagers, but does it work on a three-year-old?

K.I.S.S.Keep It Short, Stupid. If your child really has a hard time getting her hair brushed, keep it short. Its simpler.

Wash her hair every other night, using both a kids shampoo and a separate kids conditioner. (To minimize annoyance with the process, put the shampoo on first, then the conditioner, and rinse only once.) This should make it less unruly.

If your child has curly hair, wash it only two or three times a week. Apply conditioner (no shampoo) or a no-suds shampoo.

Use a no tangle spray to reduce the formation of knots.

Seek expert advice. Ask your hairdresser which type of hairbrush will work best for your childs hair type to minimize pain.

Comb or brush her hair while she is in the shower or bathdont wait for a larger battle later.

Start at the bottom (where the knots are) and work your way up. This will minimize discomfort. Hold the hair above the knots so that you dont pull at your childs scalp.

For kids who enjoy having special ribbons and barrettes in their hair, make these accessories an incentive. Tell your daughter that youre going to make her look like a princess, a favorite character, or a friend who always wears barrettes.