Nelsen Jane - Positive Discipline A-Z - A 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems

CONTENTS

To our loved ones
and
to parents everywhere
who want to show their love
by empowering and encouraging
their children

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

Positive Discipline AZ begins with twenty-seven basic Positive Discipline parenting tools and principles in Part 1. In Part 2 you will find many suggestions for dealing with just about every behavior challenge you can think of. Many of these suggestions will refer back to the basic tools.

You may be tempted to skip directly to a problem you are having and bypass Part 1. But read Part 1 firstyou will gain more knowledge by taking the time to review the twenty-seven basic parenting tools and principles before attempting to solve a particular problem.

You may also be tempted to read only about the problems you are having. But if you read all the subjects in the book, even if they dont concern you now, youll gain the wisdom and creativity to deal with any situation. Plus many of the suggestions for a specific subject will give you ideas for everyday parenting that will help your children gain courage, confidence, and life skills. And each subject contains a section on how to prevent these problems from happening. Dont wait until you have the problems to read about them.

When you tackle a problem, choose the suggestion or combination of suggestions that feels right to you. Put what you say into your own words so you dont sound like an insincere parrot. Whenever possible, involve your child in working on solutions. It can be fun to read the suggestions with your child and choose the one that both of you think will work the best. Involvement invites cooperation and the development of life skills. Since no two children are the same and since relationships change constantly, be flexible and thoughtful.

When you are unable to calm down and be objective, this book can serve as an impartial and wise friend. Sometimes just reaching for the book gives you time to cool off a bit. When you calm down, you become less hooked into the problem and can approach it more rationally and lovingly.

Share parenting with your partner. Children benefit from having all their parents involved in their upbringing and discipline. Beware of one parent becoming the keeper of the wisdom of parenting while the other parent takes a backseat. Theres plenty of work for both parents to be involved in raising their children.

Keep the bigger picture in mind. The long-term purpose of parenting is to help your children develop healthy self-esteem and the life skills they need to be effective, happy, contributing, and respectful members of their family and society. All the Positive Discipline parenting tools and all the suggestions in this book are designed to do just that.

INTRODUCTION

What parent hasnt wondered what to do when their child has a temper tantrum in the grocery store, or wont eat dinner, or bites another child, or wont go to bed at night, or refuses to get out of bed in the morning? What parent wouldnt love to have nonpunitive solutions that work much better than punishment to help children learn self-discipline, cooperation, responsibility, and problem-solving skills? Heres a book that addresses just about every parenting problem you can imagine, for children of all ages, in alphabetical order so your particular concerns can be found easily.

When you flip to the pages that answer your parenting questions, youll find solutions for what to do now, as well as suggestions on how to prevent the problem in the future. Youll also find information to help you understand more about yourself and your childs development. On top of that, each section is loaded with parenting pointers that could be generalized to solve other problems and to help you understand what your children are learning in response to your actions. Every topic includes a vignette (Booster Thoughts) so you can see how other parents applied the suggestions.

As you get the Positive Discipline principles under your belt, you can gain the kind of self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and healthy self-esteem that allow you to tap into your heart and deepest wisdom to find personal answers.

You may want to hang this book around your neck as a quick, easy reference while you learn to stop reacting and become a proactive parent. In no time youll be thinking of this book as a kettle of alphabet soup that can be nourishing to the physical and mental health of your family. Keep it simmering at all times. Let the aroma permeate your home. Enjoy!

WHAT IS POSITIVE DISCIPLINE?

As a parent you have a big job. Youre the one who helps your children grow up to feel a sense of belonging and connection to the family. You teach your children social and life skills. You help your children feel loved. You find ways to ensure that your children feel special, unique, and important. You keep your children safe.

How do you do that? With discipline. Perhaps you think of discipline as a means of control through punishment, but Positive Discipline is not about punishment or control. Rather it is about instructing, educating, preparing, training, regulating, skill building, and focusing on solutions. Positive Discipline is constructive, encouraging, affirming, helpful, loving, and optimistic. As children dont come with directions, parents need to find an approach that gives them a sense of confidence.

Positive Discipline begins at birth and lasts a lifetime. Thats right, its never too early or too late to use Positive Discipline, because it is based on mutually respectful relationships in which you respect your child and you respect yourself. If parenting advice focuses only on the needs of the child and not the needs of the adults, it isnt mutually respectful. That kind of parenting encourages dependence and a lack of courage. If parenting advice focuses only on the needs of the adult and not the needs of the children, thats also not mutually respectfulit encourages submission, fear, and rebellion.

With Positive Discipline, the emphasis is on a balance of firmness and kindness, and on providing respect for both adults and children. Positive Discipline, because it is neither permissive nor punitive, brings hope, increased skills, and love to your family.

The more tools you have, the more you can teach your children. Part 1 is a reference to give you an understanding of the twenty-seven basic tools of Positive Discipline. These twenty-seven tools are referred to throughout the book, so be sure to read Part 1 before starting on the specific problems.

BE KIND AND FIRM

Many parents are plagued with guilt. Thats because they are either too controlling (Im the boss) or too permissive (Call me milquetoast). Some parents are a combination of controlling and permissive, vacillating between the two extremes but not being consistent. Positive Discipline parents are neither. They practice firmness coupled