Thomas Phelan - 1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting

Copyright 2016 by ParentMagic, Inc.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Phelan, Thomas W., author.

1-2-3 magic : effective discipline for children 212 / Thomas W. Phelan, PhD. Sixth edition.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

(trade paper : alk. paper) (hardcover : alk. paper) 1. Discipline of children. 2. Child rearing. 3. Parenting. I. Title.

HQ770.4.P485 2016

649.1dc23

2015021612

To Eileen

CONTENTS

PREFACE

A NUMBER OF YEARS ago a young mom came in to my office. She was a single mother of three and she was thirty-three years old. When she sat down and I had a good chance to look at her, I could see that Sarah looked like she had been run over by a truck.

When I asked the young woman what had brought her in to see me, she said, Dr. Phelan, I dont want to get out of bed in the morning. Its horrible. I just lie there, pull the covers over my head, and cringe.

Why dont you want to get up? I asked.

The thought of getting my three kids up and ready for school is horrible. Its absolutely horrible! she said. They dont cooperate, they fight, they treat me like Im invisible. I scream, I yell, I nag. The whole thing is so upsetting that it ruins my day. I cant concentrate at work and Im depressed. Then the next morning I have to do it all over again.

After asking Sarah more questions and doing a brief history of her life, I asked if shed like to learn 1-2-3 Magic. Ill do anything! she said.

Sarah meant what she said. I taught her 1-2-3 Magic. She went home and told the kids things were going to be different. The kids smirked and looked at her like she was nuts.

Over the next few weeks this young mother made believers out of her three children. She used counting for sibling rivalry and disrespect. She used some of our Start behavior tactics for picking up, homework, andmost importantlygetting up and out in the morning. She also employed sympathetic listening and shared one-on-one fun as bonding strategies.

Sarah was a trouper. As she revolutionized her home life, we started spacing out our sessions since she didnt need to come in as often.

One day early in January, Sarah came in for her last visit. She no longer looked like shed been run over by a truck. As she sat down, I asked her how things were going.

Really well, she said.

Well, thats saying something, I pointed out, especially since you just spent two weeks with your kids over Christmas vacation.

Yep, it went well, she said. Ive come a long way.

Then she hesitated. But you know something? she added. I didnt realize how far Id come until after they went back to school after Christmas vacation.

What do you mean? I asked.

A little teary, she paused, then said, I missed them for the first time in my life.

What Can 1-2-3 Magic Do for You?

If you are raising young children, the 1-2-3 Magic program might be your ticket to effective and enjoyable parenting for several reasons:

The book has sold more than 1.6 million copies.

1-2-3 Magic has been translated into twenty-two languages .

Over the last several years, 1-2-3 Magic has consistently been the number one child discipline book on Amazon.com.

The program is dad-friendly .

Its evidence-basedthat means it works .

For Best Results

This edition of 1-2-3 Magic describes straightforward methods for managing the behavior of children from the ages of approximately two to twelve, whether theyre average or special-needs kids. You can actually start at about eighteen months with a typically developing child. To get the best results, keep in mind the following:

The strategies should be used exactly as they are described here, especially with regard to the No Talking and No Emotion Rules.

If both parents are living at home, ideally both adults should use the program. If one parent refuses to use 1-2-3 Magic, however, the other parent can still use it on his or her own (while hoping, of course, that the partner or spouse is doing something reasonable with the kids).

Single, separated, and divorced parents can use our methods effectively by themselves. It is preferable if all parentseven if they are in different locationsare using the same program, but that isnt always possible. In fact, single parents greatly benefit from a simple and effective system like 1-2-3 Magic. If you are parenting on your own, you are very likely to feel overloaded, and you dont have a lot of time to spend learning discipline programs. Also, because youre by yourself, you cannot afford to be inefficient in managing your children. You only have so much energy!

Grandparents, babysitters, and other caregivers have also found the 1-2-3 program very helpful in managing young children. Actually, many grandparents first discovered 1-2-3 Magic on their own and then shared it with their children. In addition, we hear more and more these days that grandparents are raising their grandchildren themselves, and these adults often find 1-2-3 Magic to be a lifesaver.

Make sure your kids are in good physical health. It is a well-known fact that illness, allergies, and physical pain can aggravate both behavioral and emotional problems in children. Regular physical exams for the kids are of critical importance. Its also important to know and respect your childrens natural daily rhythms regarding food, sleep, and bathroom. A child who missed a nap, who feels hungry, or who has to go to the bathroom can be much more challenging to parent.

A Note about Psychological Evaluation and Counseling

Some parents may wonder: When in the process of using 1-2-3 Magic is it necessary to get a mental health professional involved?