Dr. Nancy S. Buck - How to Be a Great Parent: Understanding Your Childs Wants and Needs

HOW TO BE A
GREAT PARENT

In How to Be a Great Parent, Dr. Nancy Buck provides that instruction manual every parent has wished for since the beginning of time. She teaches parents about their childrens needs and shows them ways to get what they want without compromising their own needs in the process.
Kim Olver, author of Secrets of Happy Couples

How to be a Great Parent is readable and down to earth with many good ideas based on Choice Theory Psychology. Masaki Kakitani, Former professor of Clinical Psychology, Rissho University Japan

I have read Nancy Bucks book and it implemented with my staff. This is an excellent resource for parents, foster parents and for my staff. I would highly recommend all parents read her book. Teresa Storer, MSW, LSW, Executive Director, Family Care for Children and Youth, Inc

A great tool for learning new parenting techniques and enhancing already tried and true parenting skills. As a parent, grandparent, and child welfare administrator, it has been helpful in many ways and ties in beautifully with my own beliefs regarding raising responsible and happy children.
Lauren A. Leap, ACSW, LSW, Director of Foster Care, Family Care for Children and Youth, Inc.

The practical strategies and techniques she teaches will be helpful to me with both my own children and those in my practice. I highly recommend this wonderful book to parents and anyone who works with children.
Heather Martin, MSW, LICSW, Clinical Social Worker

A valuable guide to handling the trials and tribulations of parenthood without getting caught in the behavior control game The specific examples in this book help parents to practice new behaviors that, in turn, give them the opportunity to have a positive and rich relationship with their childrenno matter the age.
Carolyn Vanacore, Middle School Guidance Counselor, Parent

DR. NANCY S. BUCK

Understanding Your Childs Wants and Needs

Copyright 2013 by Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D

FIRST EDITION

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Buck, Nancy S. How to be a great parent : understanding your childs wants and needs / Nancy S. Buck. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN 978-0-8253-0689-1 (pbk. : alk. paper) -- ISBN 978-0-8253-0650-1 (ebook) 1. Parenting. 2. Parent and child. I. Title. HQ755.8.B82 2013 649.1--dc23 2012033250

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Interior design by Jane Perini
Cover Design by Tobias Design
Index by Songbird Indexing Services

Disclaimer: This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services in the book. If the reader requires expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a professional should be sought. Every attempt has been made to present accurate and timely information. Nothing contained herein should constitute an absolute with regard to this subject matter or be considered a substitute for legal, medical, or psychological advice. The author and publisher assume neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any direct or indirect loss or damaged caused, or alleged to be caused by the information contained herein, or for errors, omissions, inaccuracies, or any other inconsistency within these pages, or for unintentional slights against people or organizations.

This book is dedicated to children and parents:
May your lives be filled with peace, joy, and laughter
as you love and grow together.

Introduction

What a wonderful and daunting task it is to be a parent! It is the most important job of our lives, yet one for which we are untrained and unprepared. How we parent today will change the future. Even though we can become paralyzed with this realization, once we have taken on this job, we want to do it well.

Where do we get our training for being good, responsible, and loving parents? How do we learn what is necessary to accomplish the most important work we will ever do? Most of us have only our own childhood experiences to help guide and inform our parenting practices. Our most influential teachers are our own parents.

Maybe your parents were good models and teachers, or maybe you never want to be the kind of parent to your own children that your parents were to you. Unfortunately, if you dont have other ideas or models to follow, you may find that you fall back on the parenting practices of your parents, doing exactly what you vowed you would never do.

Its easy to be the kind of parent you want to be when your children are safely tucked into bed at night. During these moments of reflection, you may discover the clarity you were searching for earlier in the day when confronted by your child. Suddenly, you know what you could have said in order to be the kind of parent you imagine being. Where were these brilliant ideas at the moment you needed them most?

During the moments when your child is doing precisely what you want her to do, or wants what you want him to want, parenting is joyous and easy. The hard times are when your darlings start behaving contrary to how you want them to or demand something that you dont want them to have. Thats when parenting gets really rough. The true test of how you measure up as a parent comes with how you handle yourself and maintain a loving relationship with your children when your desires, expectations, and interests are in conflict with theirs.

How to Be a Great Parent is written to advise, guide, and direct you during those moments when you wish you knew a better way. It will also help you generate more moments when you and your child are in harmony with each other. Your happy, joyous moments will increase. The difficult, challenging times will still exist, but you will have a better idea how to handle them, and they will decrease in frequency.

Im recommending a lifelong process rather than a cookbook solution. I recommend these ideas to help you and your child learn how to meet your inherent needs: for love and belonging, for power, for fun, for freedom, and for survival. Understanding what motivates all behavior (yours and your childs) engenders a process that will help and support you as you strive to raise loving, respectful, and responsible children.

Whats in this book

This book explains how to apply choice theory, which is an explanation of human behavior and motivation, to parenting. Each chapter explains how a particular aspect of the theory applies specifically to parenting. To help you understand and apply these new ideas, youll find some special sections, including easy and fun quizzes, parenting tips, and question-and-answer sections.