Gail Reichlin - The Pocket Parent

By Gail Reichlin & Caroline Winkler
Foreword by Burton L. White, Ph.D.

Workman Publishing, New York

Copyright 2001 by Gail Reichlin and Caroline Winkler

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproducedmechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopyingwithout written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.

Reichlin, Gail. The pocket parent / by Gail Reichlin and Caroline Winkler.
p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.
eISBN-13: 9780761167778
1. Preschool children. 2. Child rearing. 3. Parenting. I. Winkler, Caroline.
II. Title.
HQ774.5 .R45 2001
649.dc21 00-069321

Cover and book design by Paul Hanson

The material presented in this book has been reviewed carefully and is not intended to substitute for the professional advice of a pediatrician, psychologist, or any other qualified therapist, education consultant, or health-care professional. All children are unique, and while the book offers suggestions and recommendations for parents and other child caregivers, we encourage you to use your instincts and judgment to determine when its appropriate to seek professional counsel.

Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts can be created to specification. For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below.

Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
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www.workman.com

With a pocketful of love and gratitude
to my parents, Lovey and Phil Wernikoff;
to my husband, Ronnie; and to my amazing children,
Aaron, Rachel, and Joshua. Your love, lessons,
and laughter are my inspiration.Gail Reichlin

To my parents, John and Ann Diamond, for their
encouragement and countless hours of child care;
my husband, Dennis, for his love and support;
and my three sons, Sean, Nolan, and Clark, for the
inspiration to write this book.Caroline A. Winkler

Because we both have a firsthand understanding and deep compassion for all parents of two- to five-year-olds, we decided to write a book that addressed some of the most troubling issues they often face. Little did we realize this would become a four-year commitment! It has been a real challenge at times, juggling our busy schedules to meet our goals. But we never lost sight of our hope that the book would help parents make a positive difference in their daily lives. We have been fortunate to receive help and advice from so many people.

All the moms and dads who shared personal parenting trials and triumphs through the Parents Resource Network lecture/discussions, telephone warm line, and questionnaires; discussions with Carolines Mothers and More chapter (formerly FEMALE); and daily chats and more formal conferences with parents of children in Gails nursery school and moms and tots classes; as well as the parents of children in Carolines Sunday school class. Please note that throughout the book all of their names have been changed to protect their privacy.

Our dear friends, neighbors, and relatives whose stories are told throughout the book. Many of their names have been changed to protect their privacy.

Nancy Crossman, our literary agent, for her savvy, creativity, support, and belief in our book.

Carolyn Kott Washburne, who skillfully edited and proofread the book proposal and gave us a thumbs-up for our efforts.

Jo Hansen for her perseverance, patience, and compassionate smile during the tedious revisions of editing the manuscript just one more time.

Martha Bullen for sharing her professional wisdom, insight, and encouragement.

The Workman editorial team, lead by our editor extraordinaire, Suzanne Rafer, and her competent and ever cheerful assistant, Beth Doty. A special thanks to Paul Hanson, who designed a book that is truly pocket-size. Our publicist, Kate Tyler, and the marketing team working to get our book out there.

All the psychologists, doctors, educators, child development specialists, and authors who are quoted in our book: Dr. Burton L. White, Barbara Coloroso, Dr. Stanley Turecki, Alicerose (Sissy) Barman, Betty Weeks, Hiam Ginott, Nancy Samalin, Dr. Marc Weissbluth, Kay Willis, Dr. Marianne Neifert, Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, Fred Gosman, Dr. Ann McCartney, Nancy Bruski, Dr. Jane Healy, Jim Fay, Selma Fraiberg, and Dr. Patricia Greenfield.

Robert R. Wilcox, Jr., Murray Gordon, David Zampa, and Mark Wiemelt for their sincere interest and legal advice concerning our project.

Jan Pollack, the producer of our local cable television call-in show, The Bottom Line for Busy Parents.

Laura Gordon for sharing her mothering and marketing knowledge and Louise Speck for her graphic talents, which helped create a meaningful focus group that identified many of the needs and feelings of our target audience.

Authors Susan Hall and Anne Byrn for sharing their professional advice, experience, and words of encouragement.

Joan and the staff at Kinkos in Skokie, IL, for their understanding of deadlines and caring attitude even at 2 A.M!

my awesome colleagues and friends who continue to nurture my spirit as a teacher, parent educator, and author by believing in meShelly, Steve, and Gigi Wernikoff; Inam Shalati; Elaine Leavitt; Jim Warda; Ed, Jo, Dana, Matt, and Sadie Joras; Bruno Lis; Judy Freedman; Cindy Schwab; Rhonda Rudolph; Mary Manning; Leonard Dubow; Estelle Greenberg; Meme Coryell; Susan Caplan; Deborah Leigh Wood; Blakely Bundy; Leticia Suk; Jim Reynolds; Eileen Goldberg; Paula Davis; Ricki Crown; Margaret and Jackie Quern; Beth Rosen; and Candy Reesh. And to my mentors, whose life lessons reside within my heartAnn Reichlin, Grandma Ethel, Zadie Ben, Yussel Naiman, Betty Weeks, Fred Denzler, and Rich Jurica.

all my special friends and coworkers from Mothers and More who offered feedback, advice, and their own personal words of wisdom, especially Mary Savitsky Ulowetz, Janet Olszewski Smith, and Meg Egan Hullinger.

When you raise a child, especially for the first time, youll have questions, lots of questions. Some will turn out to be unimportant. Some will resolve themselves through common sense and wisdom. But many more will continue to turn up, seemingly unanswerable, during your childs formative years. Where do you turn for advice?

Large numbers of books are written to provide child-rearing answers for parents in need, but perhaps it will come as no surprise that only a few of them are worth purchasing. Short-term fads, misinformation, scientific theories that fail to make the leap to real-life situationsthese have been the common pitfalls of some child-guidance books.

In fact, so inconsistent and uneven has the field been that for years I have urged young parents to seek out mothers (and fathers too, of course!) who have done a particularly good job of raising their own children, and to use these parent-mentors as their principal source of information. Indeed, who better to consult about the difficulties of potty training a reluctant toddler than a mother whos succeeded in training her own children? Or where better to turn when faced with a three-year-old afflicted with the gimmes than a parent whos already been there, whos developed a successful strategy, and who can talk to you peer to peer?

Gail Reichlin and Caroline Winkler are exactly the kind of parents you would seek out with your questions. Knowing Gail for many years, I feel that she is unusually qualified to write a book about raising young children. She has a wealth of relevant experience, and she cares deeply about children. She and her coauthor, Caroline Winkler, two extremely capable women, are deeply grounded in personal experience (both are the mothers of three children), and theyve used it to produce a well-written, accurate, trustworthy, and exceptionally valuable guide for parents and professionals who care for and work with young children. The book covers most anything a reader would need, and is written with intelligence, reliable knowledge, and real warmth. Its the next best thing to knowing Gail or Caroline personally, and its there whenever you need it.