Kevin Leman - Single Parenting That Works: Six Keys to Raising Happy, Healthy Children in a Single-Parent Home

No one needs to tell you that single parenting is tough. After all, youre right in the trenches.

Youre the one who has been up countless nights with babies and toddlers, with no one to spell off the diaper, bottle, or sippy-cup sessions. Youve spent other sleepless nights wondering how youll scrape together the money for rent this month.

Youre the one who has wiped away tears when a first grader asks, How come I dont have a daddy?

Youre the one who has been caught off guard when your fifth grader asks, Why dont you and Mom love each other anymore? Will you stop loving me, too?

Youre the one who has stood, speechless and worried, watching your all-of-a-sudden teenage daughter getting ready for a date. As a dad, youve tried your best to explain the male side of things about sex and dating, but you wish she had a female to talk to. You wish her mother could have lived to see this moment.

Youre the one who has felt like the odd shoe with no match in sight.

Youre the one who has felt different even ostracized at church or by religious folks, just because of your lack of a wedding ring. You wonder if others are eyeing you suspiciously or steering clear of you because they assume youre out to get a spouse (even if it means stealing theirs).

Youre the one who has felt truly alone when your children are with your ex. Even if youve looked forward to a break from them and the rejuvenation of having a minute to yourself you cant wait until they come home to you again.

Does anyone else feel this way? you wonder.

Did you know

• there are currently 12 million single-parent family groups in the United States, and 10 million of those are maintained by women?
• 20 million of all children in the United States under the age of eighteen live with only one parent?
• 84 percent of children who live with one parent live with their mother?
• 32 percent of all births are to unmarried women?
• the number of single mothers (9.8 million) has remained constant while the number of single fathers grew 25 percent in three years to 2.1 million in 1998? That means men now comprise one-sixth of the nations single parents.

Did you also know that, of children living with one parent,

• 38 percent live with a divorced parent?
• 35 percent live with a never-married parent?
• 19 percent live with a separated parent?
• 4 percent live with a widowed parent?
• 4 percent live with a parent whose spouse lives elsewhere because of business or some other reason?

Clearly, you are not alone! Numerous single parents have walked this same road in the past, and many others are walking it with you right now. Lets say it up front: All parenting has its challenges its twists, turns, and even a few roadblocks where you have to stop, think, and evaluate. And you already know that single parenting has some additional challenges. Youre living through them right now, or you wouldnt have picked up this book.

But is single parenting doable? Certainly!

How do I know? Over nearly forty years, I have counseled and spoken to thousands of single parents and their children as they have made their journeys through life. So many come into my office with defeat written across their faces. They struggle to put one foot in front of the other, day after day. They are, simply, exhausted not to mention financially, emotionally, and physically stressed.

Those single parents ask complex questions, and rightfully so. No doubt that they and you have significant challenges going it solo while raising children.

As the statistics show, and you know firsthand, there are many ways to become a single parent.

You may be divorced and going through either the pain of a disinterested ex or an active battle with your ex.

You may always have been a single parent through your childs birth or adoption.

Or you may have become a single parent when your spouse died.

No matter your category or whether you are female or male, its up to you to decide what to do next. And it all starts with how you view your challenges on a day-to-day basis. Do they tend to depress you and incapacitate you, or do they make you even more determined to make it work?

If you want to succeed as a single parent, keep this in mind: Challenges are simply challenges, not insurmountable obstacles. And what any challenge requires is an extra dose of courage and determination, along with wisdom and advice for how to best approach it.

For years, Ive seen single parents and their children not merely survive, but