David Horgan - When Your Parent Moves In: Every Adult Childs Guide to Living with an Aging Parent

Praise forWhen Your Parent Moves In

No stone unturned, this is the book to read before asking parents to move in. Whats even more emotionally challenging than the process of sharing the same roof over your heads is the possibility that the living arrangement is not working, and youre now faced with the dreadful task of asking parents to move out. Youll never have to wonder if you did the right thing if you read this book now.

Joy Loverde

Author of The Complete Eldercare Planner:

Where Start, Questions to Ask, How to
Find Help (Random House)

I have been in the elder care arena for the past thirty-five years and I am always looking for good resource material. When Your ParentMoves In has an excellent ability to take you through the various steps needed when your parents or any other person you are finding yourself in the position of caring for need assistance, guidance, or direction. When it comes to making a move, this book is a clear guide. [It provides readers] with questions to ask and remains sensitive to maintaining the dignity and independence of the elderly who will be impacted by a move.

This book explores the various issues regarding making the transition and understanding all the potential ramifications of a move, be it to a new home, living with other family members, or moving into an institutional setting. The resources found in the back of the book are invaluable information for education and understanding.

Marion Somers, PhD

Author of Elder Care Made Easier: Doctor
Marions 10 Steps to Help You Care for an
Aging Loved One
President & Founder, Elder Health
Resources of America, Inc.

www.DoctorMarion.com

Horgan and Blocks book is timely and much needed for any family with aging parents. Clear, direct, and easy-to-understand language. This will be a must-read for my clients....

Daniel O. Tully, Esq.

Former Assistant Attorney General,
State of Connecticut

With my over twenty-five years of helping older persons and their families through Elder Law, I welcome When Your ParentMoves In. The authors use real-life studies and focused, practical questions to educate Baby Boom children. They help readers especially sandwich generation membersanalyze many relevant factors to determine if it is right for everyone involved to have a parent move in. They encourage respect throughout the process, but especially when the decision is for the parent not to move in.

This is an essential book for meaningful family discussions in these times when the economic downturn has reduced both available personal finances and government programs to fund long-term services. The authors show the value of working with experienced Elder Law attorneys, financial planners, and care managers who know local services, laws, and regulations.

Timothy M. Vogel, Esq.

Senior Shareholder, Vogel & Dubois
Law Firm
Former Chair of
the Elder Law Section of the Maine State Bar Association

when your
parent
moves in

EVERY ADULT CHILDS
GUIDE TO LIVING
WITH AN AGING PARENT

DAVID HORGAN
AND
SHIRA BLOCK, MA, PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELING

Copyright 2009 by David Horgan and Shira Block
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by
Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-60550-012-7
ISBN 13: 978-1-60550-012-6
eISBN: 978-1-44051-413-5

Printed in the United States of America.

J I H G F E D C B A

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by
a Committee of the American Bar Association
and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

To protect the privacy of those who have shared their stories, names
and sometimes genders have been changed.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

In loving memory of Uncle Ed and Al.

D.H.

In loving memory of
Sayes Good-looking Block
and Grandpa Carl.

S.B.

contents

acknowledgments

This book would not have been possible without the willingness of many clients, subjects, and family members who candidly shared their stories so that others may learn, grow, and find peace in their own lives. Your openness and generosity is greatly appreciated. For those who have trusted us with stories that did not end up in the book, please know that your honesty and openness allowed us to add depth to our understanding of the complexity of this issue, and we are richer for it.

We would like to thank Andrea Norville at Adams Media for her guidance, good humor, and faith in the project, as well as Meredith OHayre for her insightful contributions and helpful suggestions. We would also like to thank Sheila Elmosleh for her precise copyediting, and Beth Gissinger and Jacquinn Williams for ensuring that we reach those who will benefit from reading this book. It is a great pleasure to be part of the Adams Media team.

From David Horgan:

I would like to thank my wife, Julie, and my sons, Andrew, Davis, and Cory. They are my life and my inspiration. I want to thank my mother-in-law and all my family for giving me the encouragement to explore new ventures.

I am fortunate to know the professionals at Senior Resource Center. They have helped me and my family and offered insight for When Your Parent Moves In. Anthony, David, and Kathy offered many hours of consultation and information from their years of helping adult children care for their parents.

I must also thank Shira Block for helping me turn an idea into an exceptional guide.

From Shira Block:

I would like to thank David Horgan for including me in this wonderful project and in his vision for this book.

I will be forever grateful to Ed Knappman, who responds to my effusiveness with, Just doin my job. You make the processeven when its frustratingfun. It is my great honor to work with you. Thank you for your faith in me and in this project.

I deeply thank Alan, my wonderful husband and soul mate, who has given me more love and support than I had ever hoped for, and who has allowed me to know what real love is. I would especially like to thank my beautiful, intelligent, and creative daughter, Aarin, who means everything to me. She has generously given up some of her mommy time so that I could write.

Ilana Katz, writer, musician, artist, friend, sounding board, and tireless supporter gets my special thanks for her constant friendship, encouragement, and endless input into this work. You joined me every step of the way in the process and in my excitement. Your insight and knowledge of the industry is invaluable and you helped make the project that much more fun.