Ann Gadd - Better Parenting with the Enneagram: Nine Types of Children and Nine Types of Parents

To Luke, Tess, and Taun, for all youve taught me

Better Parenting with the Enneagram

Ann Gadd has written a concise and accessible guide for parenting based on the Enneagram. It can be enjoyed by beginning Enneagram enthusiasts and still provides depth for experienced practitioners. Better Parenting with the Enneagram focuses on the positive characteristics of each type and gently challenges us to recognize the places we go to under the specific stresses of parenting. As a child of a Type Four mother, I was blown away by the books accuracy. Ann was able to capture my experience growing up and articulate what I needed as a little child. As a psychotherapist and a parent of two small children this book has become my go-to guide to help the little people and parents in my life!

LYNDSEY FR ASER, MA, LMFT, CST, marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist

Better Parenting with the Enneagram is yet another incredibly valuable contribution by Ann Gadd to the rapidly expanding list of Enneagram literature. Ann is proving again that the Enneagram is not just an abstract spiritual tool but that our passions show up in every aspect of our daily life. Parenting can be extremely challenging, and Ann explains in her enviably eloquent and humorous style how we tend to make things needlessly worse for ourselves and our kids. This book will help any parent to worry less and actually enjoy some of the weird behaviour of our kids.

FREDERIK COENE, Ph.D., Enneagram researcher and member of the International Enneagram Association

Anns book Better Parenting with the Enneagram is a clear, accessible read for those of us who want to parent with awareness, understanding, and acceptance. Her simple yet detailed presentation of the information makes it enjoyable and easy to digest (coming from a Type Seven parent with two small children!).

CHARLOTTE HAGGIE, health and well-being coach

A gem of a read! As a soon-to-be parent, this book helped me acknowledge the natural strengths that I am already bringing to the table and also provided insight on where to be mindful of how my own stress/fixation can impact the parentchild relationship.

VALERIE WANAMAKER, LCSW, sex and relationship psychotherapist

Ann Gadd has made an engaging introduction to the Enneagram, focusing on the most important relationship we might ever havethe parentchild relationship. We are all someones child, which makes the book relevant to everyone. Gadd allows us to reflect both on ourselves as parents and as children. You dont need to know about the Enneagram to benefit from this book; you are handed the Enneagrams view on the important aspects of the parentchild relationship and can immediately start using it. With this tool, you can be closer to having a conscious relationship, not only to your children, but also to your parents.
Using the lost childhood messages (in the back of the book) is like adding magic dust to your relationships; try it, and you will most probably find that your child sinks into a peaceful, loving state immediately!

PATRICK HOUGAARD SIMONSEN, Enneagram coach and NLP trainer & ANNABELLA AL-NAFUSI, stress release therapist and Enneagram speaker and coach

This book is pure magic. An essential and practical resource for any parent interested in their own self-development journey of growth alongside their child. Ann uses clear, easy to digest language with examples and descriptions that accurately reflect the uniqueness of each style of parent and child.

MARY J. FOURIE, millennial mother and Enneagram coach

Contents

Introduction

I wish Id had the information Im about to share with you when I became a parentit would have saved much heartache. Id have understood that my three-year-old daughters desire to organize my sewing box (and me) wasnt a passing fad, but part of her Three makeup. Id have known that setting strict studying rules for my 15-year-old son would only lead to resistance and rebellion, and that Id be more successful if I helped him to see the consequences of not studying and worked with him on creating a study routine.

If Id known back then about the Enneagram types, Id have been a happier parent, and they would have been happier kids.

I can say (with no bias whatsoever, of course!) that my childrennow adults themselveshave turned out rather well but, like many of us, I walked into parenting with loads of idealism and a considerable lack of practical skill. My kids were never going to eat sweets, were going to be naturally brilliant and impeccably behaved, were going to radically uplift the world ... Their father had, of course, had a different upbringing to me, and brought his own expectations to the mix.

How much energy and effort we could have saved if wed been more aware of our distinct but innate parenting styles, and if wed understood our childrens own particular strengths and challenges.

Understanding how and why we parent the way we do, and understanding the emotional core of our kids, helps us to be better parentsand better people. Working with an insight into your own and your childs healthy and less healthy aspects provides you with your best chance of achieving your parenting potential.

The information in this book is like a personal manual for each child. It takes into account the core of who they arewhat drives them, what their fears are, what inspires them, and most importantly how you relate to them.

My own parenting experience would have been so much easier to navigate if I could have:

1. Understood myself on a deeper level. I thought I did. Years of doing every alternative workshop available, from Sacred Breath to numerology, was hugely valuablebut nothing has been as profound, growth-inspiring, and revealing as the Enneagram was, and continues to be.
2. Understood what made my children tick. I often wondered how two kids from the same parents could turn out to be so very different.

As parents, we tend to believe there is one way to correctly parent a childour way. If your way of parenting differs radically from your partners, you may be led to wonder whose method is right. Which style will make for a happier, emotionally healthier child? It may come as a surprise to discover through the Enneagram that there are nine different parenting styles, each with its own positive and less productive characteristic, that can be experienced differently by each child in the family.

As an adult, your personality affects the way you understand all aspects of lifeyour personality acts as a filter. In parenting, you are inclined to emphasize the aspects of parenting that resonate most with you, and deemphasize those aspects that do not. If your child is not the same personality type as you are, you might struggle to understand the motivations for their behaviour. For instance, a Seven parent (The Enthusiast) prioritizes living adventurously and seeking new stimulationand they dont shy away from being the center of attention. But they may have a quiet Five child who prefers to fly under the radar and avoid superficial social gatherings. Understanding the personality type of the child will help this parent act with greater wisdom and insight.