Ann Gadd - Sex and the Enneagram: A Guide to Passionate Relationships for the 9 Personality Types

To Anthony

Sex and the Enneagram

Sex and the Enneagram is an approachable presentation of the complex ways each Enneagram type may express or repress emotional openness in intimate relationships, and how deep-rooted issues of vulnerability, fear of self-disclosure or shame, and lack of trust can cloud and limit our sexual self-expression. In a warm, instructive, yet non-judgmental style, Ann also provides suggestions and reflections on ways an individual type might become more sexually, and therefore more completely, present to another in intimate connections. However, since we hold the potentials of all nine types within us, a studied consideration of each chapter in this book can collectively lead to a more abundant understanding and acceptance of the full range of our sexual lives and, in the process, to the even greater understanding that to be authentically present with another person serves to remind us, as Don Riso wrote, that we are always in the presence of the Divine.

BRIAN L. TAYLOR, vice president of the Enneagram Institute

Ann masterfully helps us hold the difficult aspects of this topic by gently guiding our own inquiry into what healthy sexuality really is. Sex and the Enneagram is a meaningful accompaniment to inner work. Culturally, this book makes conversations about true sexual freedom and intimacy accessible.

MONIK A ADELFANG, certified teacher and authorized training and workshop provider at the Enneagram Institute and managing director of Quiet Insight LLC

Ann Gadd, a prolific writer, counselor, and artist, infuses her visionary brilliance into this much-needed book, Sex and the Enneagram, as she describes the sexual and erotic dynamics of relationships through the lens of the Enneagram. Witty and easy to read, Gadds must-have book for everyone interested in love is also filled with depth and rich wisdom for people at any level of familiarity with the Enneagram.

LINDA CARROLL, psychotherapist and author of Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love

Anns courage to tackle sex and sexuality from an Enneagram perspective is courageous, and it pays off. I am personally grateful for her contribution to my understanding of myself and to the body of literature on the Enneagram.

LUCILLE GREEFF, Enneagram teacher

As the title suggests, this book explores each Enneagram style in its approach to sex and sexuality. Clearly a huge amount of research has gone into Anns subject. She covers a wide range of topics from angles that illuminate sex and sexuality for each personality style. I discovered some gems about myself in this book, and I am now exploring what is and what is not working for me. This is a book Ill be gifting to friends who are open to learning more about themselves in a sometimes humorous, sometimes painful way, and I believe it will open up avenues for more meaningful and empowering conversations about sex and sexuality.

CHERISE NORTJE , organizational development consultant

Using the wisdom of the Enneagram, Ann Gadd boldly and graphically takes us into the sacred spaces of our sexuality. Her book inspires me with new possibilities and brings interesting ideas, textures, and latitude to explore in my relationship with my long-term partner.

COLLEEN ANDERSON, clinical psychologist (MA)

Ann Gadds Sex and the Enneagram is an exciting and bold contribution to the growing body of Enneagram literature that focuses on the practical, daily application of this powerful sensemaking personality framework. Anns insightful and challenging style encourages us to reflect deeply on our own sexuality and to notice how personality shapes our relationship with, and experience of, sex. This book will leave readers feeling delightfully laid bare and exposed by virtue of a veritable romp through the array of human fixations and behavioral patterns that lead us to engage with sex in such diverse ways. It comes at just the right time, as we continue to learn how to talk about sex and sexual identity in communities across the world. We recommend it to all readers who are ready to elevate their awareness of self, others, and society through the lens of sex and sexuality.

AEPHORIA PARTNERS, leadership development firm

Acknowledgments

T his book has been a journey and there are many who have accompanied me along the waysome physically and some who I have never met. Your input has been gratefully received.

The first part of the journey, that of acceptance, was due to Sabine Weeke from Findhorn Press who, together with Inner Traditions, sent that magical Yes email. I am hugely grateful for your support throughout. Sabine, your touches of humor were a welcome delight during months of serious research, and your gentle support was a joy.

Although I have never met Oscar Ichazo, Hameed Ali (A.H. Almaas), Helen Palmer, Beatrice Chestnut, Sandra Maitri and the late Don Riso, I am hugely grateful for their and others teachings, which have helped me gain a much deeper understanding of the Enneagrams in general. In particular, Id like to thank Claudio Naranjo. His book Character and Neurosis was hugely helpful in this project, as was Anodah Offits writings on sexual types. The late Dr Daniels talk with Dr Ron Levine on sexuality was both warm and insightful, and the research by leadership-training organization Aephoria on sex and love, which they generously shared, was a huge bonus. Russ Hudson, I am deeply grateful for the universal generosity that allowed me the privilege of doing workshops with you.

To my editor, Nicola Rijsdijk, I am most grateful for your open and always enthusiastic approach to this subject. Your probing questions led me to better and clearer answers than my initial offerings. You lovingly crafted the book to make it far better than the treatise that arrived in your inbox. (And I apologize for my excessive comma usage!)

To John Luckovitch who, living on that small island where the Hudson River meets the Atlantic, so warmly and humbly received a request from a stranger at the bottom of Africa to write the Foreword. Your open, honest, and insightful feedback gently nudged me to make some necessary changes, particularly in naming the three groups. Thank you.

Monika Adelfang, my fellow Nine, who despite a hectic schedule found the time (and had the kindness) to read the manuscript and discuss it with me. Your wisdom came through in my words. I am enormously grateful to you for having connected me with John and other Enneagram personalities. Your generosity is a true gift.

To those who have been my students and clients, Ive no doubt made innumerable mistakes, but I thank you for sticking with me (and occasionally for kindly pointing them out). Your personal stories and insights, together with those of my psychologist friends, have helped make this book richer.

My family, although youre possibly confused as to why I needed to write this book, I thank you for the support I had in knowing you were there for me, even if, in my enthusiasm, I did go on a bit at family gatherings.

To my dear friends, for coffee and laughterwhich helped lighten the load of researchI thank you. (We never did get to discuss your fantasies though.)