Amanda Lamb - I Love You to God and Back: A Mother and Child Can Find Faith and Love Through Bedtime Prayers

I LOVE YOU
TO GOD AND BACK

I LOVE YOU
TO GOD AND BACK
__________

A MOTHER AND CHILD CAN FIND FAITH AND
LOVE THROUGH BEDTIME PRAYERS

AMANDA LAMB

2012 by Amanda Lamb

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Lamb, Amanda.

I love you to God and back / Amanda Lamb.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-4002-0391-8

1. Christian childrenPrayers and devotions. 2. ChildrenReligious life. 3. DaughtersReligious life. 4. Mother and childReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV265.L36 2012

242'.62dc23

2011042980

Printed in the United States of America

12 13 14 15 16 QG 5 4 3 2 1

To Chloe, for helping me to become a better person
and for showing me the light one prayer at a time

CONTENTS

I love you more than anything else in the whole entire world, I said, leaning in to hug my youngest daughter, Chloe, who was snuggled up in her covers. I could feel a halo of small stuffed animals surrounding her tiny head. Her damp hair smelled fresh, like baby shampoo. I could barely make out her face beneath the glow of her night-light that flashed psychedelic colors across the walls. It wasnt very soothing to me, but she insisted on using it.

I love you more, she said in her tired, husky voice. Both of my daughters have voices that make them sound like lounge singers who have been singing all evening in a smoky nightclub.

How much more? I asked, punctuated by a chuckle, not really expecting her to answer.

I love you to God and back, she said as a blue light washed across her cherubic face. I could barely see her sleepy eyes and wide grin.

Wow, thats a lot, I replied, trying to imagine how a five-year-old would come up with such a great way to describe the depth of her love. In her mind, God resides up there in the clouds as she has told me on several occasions, pointing to the sky with her head bent forward like Elvis striking his signature pose. To her, the location of God represents the farthest distance she can possibly imagine.

And from that moment on, every night when I left Chloes room, she would tell me she loved me to God and back. I couldnt top it, so I didnt even try. I simply told her the truththat I loved her to God and back too. As parents, the depth of our love for our children is almost impossible to define or quantify, but Chloes description was the closest I had ever come to truly being able to express it.

1
ENDLESS SUNSHINE

There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.

CELIA THAXTER

SUNDAY, MAY 31

CHLOE: Dear God and Jesus, thank you for getting to have school tomorrow, and getting to have a school year thing that was very fun. Lots of stuff to eat and... Help me...

MOMMY: What else did we do today? What did we do this morning?

CHLOE: Oh, go out with our friends, get bagels, and eat at their house. Play.

MOMMY: And then what did we do this afternoon?

CHLOE: And they got a new dog. And thank you for letting me go to the pool. Thank you for my family, and one more thing, oh, thank you for Mama!

IN THE BEGINNING

It was Chloes idea to document her prayers. I had told her that I thought they were so beautiful and that I always seemed to learn something every night when I listened to her pray. I didnt always realize what I had learned right away, but the lesson would come back to me, days later, in small doses when I least expected it. Something simple would happen, such as a stranger holding a door open for me or a redbird pecking at my kitchen window, and I would think, Chloe would thank God for this.

Then one night while I was remarking on how special her prayers were Chloe said, Mommy, why dont you write them down?

We decided to begin just after her sixth birthday. Documenting the prayers in her Hello Kitty notebook seemed like a good idea at first until we realized that we were sitting in a dark room. That, along with my poor handwriting, convinced me that I needed a more practical option, so I decided to record them. Since I didnt want her to be intimidated or distracted by the voice recorder, I chose a small digital recorder that I could hold at a distance and still get clear sound. I also didnt want her to feel pressure that we would record every single night. We decided our goal within her sixth year was to record one hundred prayers, and then I would transcribe them and make them into a little booklet for her to keep. When she grew up, she would always have this special reminder of her childhood.

I just talk into it? Chloe asked me, wide-eyed as I held the tiny handheld recorder near her face. She leaned in thinking she had to have her mouth practically on top of the speaker for it to work.

You dont have to be that close. Just talk normally. Pretend its not even there, I said, gently guiding her head back down onto the pillow.

But then something funny happened along the way to reaching our goal. As I listened to Chloe pray every single night, I realized that I was not doing this just for her; I was also doing it for me. Im a regular mother who wanted to give her daughter a love of God. Yet, with no special skills or theological background, and with as many questions about faith as answers, I felt ill equipped to be her guide. But slowly I started to discover that she was my guide. Woven in between her simple declarations of thanks and love were trinkets of wisdom about how to approach spirituality, parenting, and life in general. It was only when I stepped back and really started to understand the gift she had given me that I decided I needed to share it with others.

Is it off now? she asked that first time we used the recorder.

It is, sweetie, I replied, tucking it into the pocket of my robe.

But Ive got more to say, she said through a yawn.

Theyll be plenty of time for that, baby. Plenty of time.

MONDAY, JUNE 1

CHLOE: Dear God and Jesus, thank you for getting to have a playdate with Julia. Well, Mallory had it today. Thank you for getting to have school today. Im sad becausewell, Im happy because were going into first grade, but Im sad because were leaving kindergarten. I want to time travel to get all the way to the first grade. My friend Jordan wanted to do that.

MOMMY: So, did you love kindergarten?

CHLOE: Yes!

MOMMY: What are you going to miss about it?

CHLOE: Im going to miss my teachers, my friends, the whole entire classroom.

MOMMY: Okay, what else do you want to thank God for?