Ford - When Your Child Is Grieving

Always first, I acknowledge Jesus Christ, my Savior and Healer. Thanks to you, God, for your words. May you ever be glorified.

To my family, forever my best gift. Thank you for your love and support.

Jesse Kratz and Hannah Adams, thank you for your research assistance. Both of you women are stellar counselors and scholars, and every day you are helping children and families with your compassion and empathy.

To all the people at Harvest House Publishers who helped envision, develop, edit, and otherwise put together this bookI am so very grateful. Heather Green, Hope Lyda, Gene Skinner, and all the restcopyeditors, cover designers, editors, marketing and sales staff, support staff, and prayer warriorsthis project would not have happened without you. You are an amazing team, and Im so grateful to have you. Thank you for investing in a new author.

To the precious children who shared their hearts through the illustrations in this book, thank you.

Leif Ford and Ev Denniston, two godly men and caring pastors, thank you for your theological guidance.

Amy E. Ford, PhD, is a licensed mental health counselor and a university professor. Her counseling practice focuses on trauma, grief, adjustment, and holistic wellness. Amy volunteers as a court-appointed special advocate, supporting children in foster care. She is married to her best friend, Leif, a pastor. Amy and Leif are active in church and community ministry, and they have parented six children together. Amy blogs at authoramyford.com.

He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

P SALM 91:11

A nother sleepless night. Through teary eyes you look toward the moon spilling its rays all over a dark landscape, and you wonder how the world can just keep on going despite your broken heart. Aching for your child, a child who is hurting. Your heart yearns for anything to soothe your childs pain, but your head knows there is nothing you can do to make it right again.

Its a feeling deeper than loneliness. Its utter helplessness.

Friend, I know your journey has been a lonely one. I know that helpless feeling, and I know the heaviness of your burden. Ive walked the same journey for a grieving child that you are walking now. This book grew out of my hope to come alongside you for a small part of your journey. Not to bear your burden but to encourage you as you carry it.

But now our time is short, and our ways must part. You have your road, and I have mine. I leave you with one last bit of encouragement to keep you moving to your promised land. It is a simple but profound piece of wisdom that God knitted in my heart during my healing journey:

Rest.

Parentingespecially parenting a child with extra emotional needshas no guarantees. It is an assignment to navigate with an unknown destination. It is one of the most supreme acts of faith ever ascribed to humankind. A journey of radical trust in something bigger: something bigger than you, something bigger than your child, and something bigger than any skills or support anyone could ever give you.

It is not with glib Christianese that I tell you about radical trust. Because I hated every step of my journey. Oh, how I fought it. I was pretty upset with God (and everything and everyone else) for a long time. Only in recent years has God brought me to a point in my journey where I have found peace. My peace came when I realized that even though I didnt know where I was going, I knew that I had arrived at the end of myself . I wasnt big enough to fix great loss. Even though I was professionally trained as a counselor, had all the skills, knew all the language, prayed fervently, and acted like a Christian I could not heal, save, or fix my children.

Only Jesus could. And he did, and he is still in the process of healing them. He was faithful to healin his way and in his time.

Radical trust meant I had to learn a very, very hard lesson. These children are not my children. They are Gods children. He only entrusted them to me so I could steward them while on this earth. And he loves them more than I possibly could. Someone bigger was the boss. He got to call the shots. I could either radically trust him, surrender to him, and experience his peace that passes all understanding, or I could fight the great loss and continue to walk my journey in anger, exhaustion, helplessness, and loneliness.

Either way, he would have healed them. But I had to choose which path I would walk.

I finally have chosen radical trust and surrender. My God reigns.

Peace.

Mama, I understand how your heart breaks for your child. Daddy, I understand how helpless you feel. And how long has it been since you have slept sweetly? How long has it been since you awoke refreshed, alert, full of hope and promise for a new day? How long has it been since you let God attend to you in the same way you attend to your precious child?

During my long, sleepless nights, God taught me how to rest. Rest isnt just sleep; it is an intentional connection of our spirit to his Spirit wherein he refreshes us. Through this connection, he gives us life and hope in return for our death and despair.

The quickest way to connection with Gods Spirit is through worship. Worship opens the spiritual realms and simultaneously opens our hearts. The Spirit of God descends and fills every fiber of our being. And through that connection, we are fully alive, fully connected, and fully whole. Something shifts, something changes, and its bigger than us and our pain. We return home, to where our spirits came from.

How do you worship? Open your mouth and sing praise to God. Sing out loud what he brings into your heart. Sing out in faith Gods promises of healing for you and your child. Open your Bible and sing Scripture out loud. Insert your name and your childs name into the text as if you were singing a blessing over your child. It doesnt matter how it sounds. To God, worship is the most exquisite poetry. It invokes his favor, his blessing, his love, his protection, his provision, and all his good gifts. (Personally, I love to sing Psalm 91 over my children and family; it is a powerful psalm of protection and provision.)

And so I leave you with this final step. Its time to rest. Set down your burden. Take your shoes off and breathe deeply. Worship. Snuggle into Gods comfort and surrender all to the keeper of the angels.

A Blessing

Though your days be long and weary,

may each step bring you toward restoration of joy and life.

When you feel alone and thirsty,

may his presence refresh your spirit and renew your strength.

Though your path be steep or meandering,

may you always walk toward the Son on the horizon.

Shalom, peace, my friend, until we meet again.