Kathe Wunnenberg - Grieving the Child I Never Knew: A Devotional Companion for Comfort in the Loss of Your Unborn or Newly Born Child

To my children I never knew but who have left an eternal imprint in my life: Zachary, John Samuel, Luke, and Matthew And to yours

Elizabeth Escabedo-Frank

Morgan and Laura Tucker

Linda Watkins

Rachel Maynard

Kristina and Christian Visscher

Cheyenne Cacciatore

Davis Haugen

William and Kelsey Moore

Joshua Sexton

Tina Ramsey

Scott and Jodi Winters

Garrett Mann

Jacob Snider

Noel Saake

Austin Johnson

Genia Campbell

Jonathan Timmer

Baby Young

Baby Miller

Molly Dawn Waltman

Baby Larsen

Baby Johnson

Baby Luczek

Baby Perry

Reed Hamilton

Daniel Weinhold

Baby Sankovich

Baby Hays

Laura and Danny Bullock

Sarah Jennan Holt

Baby Emmorey

Baby Gritter

Baby Hancock

Baby Homan

Baby Baumli

Baby Kent

Baby Bullock

Baby Frank

Baby Berens

Baby Leinart

Pete Ernie Lawson

Austin Johnson

Rebekah Podvaski

Gregory Clay

Baby Mooney

Charles Cheek

Baby Stevens

Baby Wood

Lisa Bullock

Evan King

Holly Beth Mondigran

Gary Tuttle

Katelyn Malm

Baby Gonzales

Baby Verbrugge

Vincent Michael Comacho

Baby Nichols

Baby Carpenter

Baby Fox

Baby Darr

Baby Besher

Ellorie Paige Bos

Daniel Mouser

GRIEVING THE CHILD I Never Knew is not a how-to book with pat answers about grieving the loss of a child. My hope is that this book will become your personal companion. Think of it as your trusted friend, who walks beside you and gives you permission to be who you are and where you are in your journey. If you are hiding your pain or hiding from people, then discover how God will meet you in your isolation. If you are suffering and need to cry, then weep with all your heart. If you feel like relating to others to help them through a similar journey, then connect. And if you are seeking hope, help, and healing to press on in your future, then start today.

Whether youve recently suffered loss or lost a child long ago, my prayer is that Grieving the Child I Never Knew will be a tool to guide you to a deeper understanding of who God is and will meet you in the pain of your loss and point you to Him.

Grieving the Child I Never Knew contains thirty-one devotions divided into six parts. Each devotion contains a Scripture passage, practical/biblical illustration, prayer, discussion questions, and journal section. Part 7 includes a sharing your personal story devotional. Additional resources and support organizations are listed at the back of the book to connect you to others who may encourage you in your healing journey.

How you choose to use this book depends on your unique personality, needs, and desired outcomes. Consider the following possible settings and choose the one that feels most comfortable to you.

Your 31-Day Companion. Your devotional can be your personal companion for the next month. Whether you choose to curl up with your book in bed each night, start your day with it at the breakfast table, or take a break with it at work, its up to you. You decide the time and place.

Quick Pick-Me-Up. Sitting on the coffee table is your devotional companion, ready and available for you to pick up when questions or emotions surface and you need a quick dose of encouragement. Use the Table of Contents as a compass to guide you to the reading that meets your needs in the moment.

Table for Two. Heartfelt conversation with another person can double your insights, laughter, and tears. Sitting with someone can give you courage and motivation to finish the book. Who will join you at the table? Your spouse? Friend? Neighbor? Coworker? Family member? Pastor? Counselor? The person you know who lost a child?

Grief Group Guide. Your devotional can be a tool to facilitate grief discussions in small or large groups. The options are endless in using this material. Choose the format, readings, and number of weeks that meet your groups need. Interactive learning can be encouraging and open your eyes to a variety of perspectives

Small Group Bible Study. Use the devotional as a six-week Bible study for anyone who desires to know more about grieving the loss of a child. Focus on one section per week. Have your group memorize Scripture(s) from the readings.

A Gift That Lasts. Someone you know has lost a child. Make this devotional companion your standard gift for the bereaved. Share how this book has encouraged you in your journey.

A Resource Book for Pastors/Counselors. When someone dies, pastors and counselors are usually the first people called. This devotional guide can accompany them as they meet with the bereaved and can be given as a gift that says they care.

I NEVER KNEW THIS child fully, so why do I grieve so deeply? I never held this tiny baby, never saw the sleeping face, never locked eyes and gazed into the soul of this little person. Yet, I feel as if a part of me died and left a void in my being. Most people dont seem to understand and minimize my loss instead of validating my pain from losing this nameless child. Will I always feel so lonely and misunderstood? Is it normal to mourn someone I never knew or lost so long ago? How can I move beyond the hurt and begin to hope again? Only when I gave myself permission to grieve the loss of my child did I begin to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and start to heal.

My journey through grieving the child I never knew began when I stepped back through my memories to a time early in my marriage when my husband and I decided to start a family. I expected to have a child within a year, just like everyone else I knew. To my surprise, I discovered that conceiving a child didnt come easily for me. Two years, numerous doctors visits, months of temperature charts, and many ovulation kits later, I discovered I was finally pregnant just days before Christmas in 1987. I didnt realize at the time that God would use this unknown child to penetrate my heart and draw me close to Him in a way I had never experienced.

When I lost our baby on my husbands thirtieth birthday, I was disappointed but didnt feel deeply about this loss. Why should I? I never knew this child. Unaware that my pain was hidden and my journey through grief had already begun, I pressed on in life.

In 1989 God fulfilled the desires of our heart and His plan by providing us Jake through a Christian adoption agency. When Jake began to pray for a baby to grow in Mommys belly, I was shocked. But he persisted. A couple of years later when I went to the doctor for the flu, he announced, Youre pregnant! Jake knew that God had answered his prayer.

But on Good Friday of 1996, our family stared at the monitor in disbelief, realizing our unborn baby had a fatal birth defect. I found myself in my own Garden of Gethsemane, crying out, God, please take this cup of suffering from me! By Easter morning I released my anguish and my unborn child into His care. Not my will, but thine be done!

During the long months of waiting on the birth of my baby, God worked through this child to teach me many life lessons. On different days I laughed, cried, learned the necessity of silence and solitude, released control, allowed others to encourage me, and saw my faith soar. I tasted humility and surrender, and I learned what it means to enjoy every moment. I learned how precious praying friends are, and I learned how faithful and loving God is to care about me personally.