Holcroft - Rules for Living

Sam Holcroft RULES FOR
LIVING NICK HERN BOOKS London www.nickhernbooks.co.uk ContentsRules for Living was first performed in the Dorfman auditorium at the National Theatre, London, on 13 March 2015, with the following cast:

MATTHEW	Miles Jupp
CARRIE	Maggie Service
SHEENA	Claudie Blakley
ADAM	Stephen Mangan
EDITH	Deborah Findlay
FRANCIS	John Rogan
EMMA	Daisy Waterstone
Director	Marianne Elliott
Designer	Chloe Lamford
Lighting Designer	Neil Austin
Music	Adrian Sutton
Sound Designer	Ian Dickinson
Fight Director	Kate Waters
Company Voice Work	Jeannette Nelson
Staff Director	Melanie Spencer

Acknowledgements Special thanks to Paul Lamond Games, creators and manufacturers of the fantastic card game Bedlam. In a play about constantly changing rules this game seemed the perfect complement. Special thanks to Melanie Fennell, writer of Overcoming Low Self-Esteem a self-help guide using cognitive behavioral techniques. Both the title of the play (Rules for Living) and its central conceit (characters obeying various rules based out of their insecurities) were inspired by this brilliant book. Thanks to all those who helped to develop the play in workshops including Mark Rose, Helen Schlesinger, John Heffernan, Deborah Findlay, Dan Skinner, Maggie Service, Miles Jupp, Nick Sidi and Lucy Robinson. And thanks to those directors who played Bedlam with me for hours: Amy Hodge, Daniel Bailey, Tim Hoare, Hannah Mulder, Tom Hughes and Bryony Shanahan.

Thanks to all at the National Theatre Studio. Thanks to the cast, crew and design team. Thanks to Nick Hytner, Sebastian Born and Ben Power. Thanks to Mel Kenyon and Lydia Raine. Thanks to my family. Enormous thanks to Marianne Elliott.

And lastly, but most importantly, thanks to Ali. My hero. S.H. Characters MATTHEW, thirties, boyfriend of Carrie CARRIE, thirties, girlfriend of Matthew SHEENA, forties, married to Adam ADAM, forties, married to Sheena EDITH, sixties, married to Francis, mother to Adam and Matthew FRANCIS, seventies, married to Edith, father to Adam and Matthew EMMA, fourteen, daughter of Adam and SheenaSetting The entire play is set in an open-plan kitchen/living room, or kitchen-conservatory of a family home on Christmas Day. There are three entrances: one to the garden, one leading to the rest of the house, and one opening onto a utility room/larder. Notes on the Rules The rules are cumulative: once they appear, each rule applies throughout the rest of the play.

The rules will work best if integrated into organic actions characters finding naturalistic reasons to sit, stand, etc. The rules give both necessary and sufficient conditions to the characters. By which I mean: when a rule states that Matthew must sit to tell a lie, this means both that when Matthew is sitting, he is always lying, and that when Matthew is lying, he is always sitting. The audience will gradually learn this from watching the play unfold. I decided not to clutter the rules by attempting to express it directly (Matthew may sit if and only if he is lying). ACT ONEScene One25th December, mid-morning. An open-plan kitchen/living room or kitchen-conservatory of a large family home. An open-plan kitchen/living room or kitchen-conservatory of a large family home.

CARRIE and MATTHEW, an unmarried couple in their thirties, unpack their contributions onto the kitchen table: food, alcohol, presents. MATTHEW. Carrie are you okay? CARRIE. What? MATTHEW. Are you okay? CARRIE. Yes. CARRIE. CARRIE.

Yes, of course Im okay. Im fine. MATTHEW. Honey, I know that face whats wrong? CARRIE. Shush. MATTHEW.

Sheena cant hear us. CARRIE. Would you keep your voice down? MATTHEW. Shes two floors up; she cant hear us. (Calling.) Sheena? CARRIE. Matthew.

MATTHEW (calling louder). Sheena? There is no response. See? I grew up in this house I know what you can get away with: about seventy decibels. Whats wrong? CARRIE. Nothing. MATTHEW.

Carrie, she cant hear us. CARRIE. Yeah, because five minutes through the door I manage to repel her up the stairs. MATTHEW. What are you talking about? She went to check on Emma. CARRIE.

It was just a joke. Its a natural reflex: if youre going to give me a set-up, then Im going to deliver a punchline. Anyone who tells me that Father Christmas arrived with a full sack last night is going to get the same answer: Thats because he only comes once a year! MATTHEW. Oh that. That was funny. CARRIE.

Then why didnt she laugh? MATTHEW. She did. CARRIE. That was a fake laugh. MATTHEW. CARRIE. CARRIE.

Really? MATTHEW. Honestly. CARRIE. Okay. I mean she married your brother so she must have a sense of humour. MATTHEW.

Carrie? CARRIE. No, no I mean because hes funny. Not because hes funny peculiar, hes funny funny. And, you know, opposites attract so not that shes not funny, I didnt mean shes not funny, shes, like, super-intelligent, and, and intense ly clever, so maybe it was just too childish for her, maybe I should aim a little higher? MATTHEW. Honey, dont over-analyse it. Maybe shes tired? Her daughters really sick; shes got a lot on her mind.

Dont take it personally. Just be yourself. CARRIE. Yeah but sometimes myself is a bit much, you know, for some people. Should I rein it in a bit? You can tell me, I wont mind. I know how much your family means to you.

I should tone it down a bit, shouldnt I? You can say. MATTHEW. Well, its not rocket science, Carrie, just dont be vulgar. CARRIE. Vulgar? You think Im vulgar? MATTHEW. CARRIE. CARRIE.

Then who does? Did your mum call me vulgar? MATTHEW. No, no, I just meant that the things we joke about together arent necessarily the things to joke about in front of my family. Not everybody has the same sense of humour. CARRIE. Yes, hello, I know that. I paid a lot of money to learn all about that.

Do I walk into your office and tell you how to be a lawyer? MATTHEW. No, but youd ask me to tone it down if I went to stay with your family and dispensed legal advice five minutes after walking through the door. Beat. CARRIE. Wow. Say what you really feel, why dont you? MATTHEW.

Carrie CARRIE. You sure know how to make a girl feel better about herself. MATTHEW. Honey, you just said I should be honest. CARRIE. No, no, dont let me stop you.

But on the subject of honesty, might I remind you, that if you wanted a wallflower for a girlfriend, you shouldnt have picked me! Scene TwoThe following rule is displayed to the audience for the duration of the scene:Rule 1: Matthew must sit to tell a lieWhen it is indicated that MATTHEW either sits or stands, he must remain either seated or standing until stated otherwise. MATTHEW. Carrie, thats thats what you got from what I just said? That I want a wallflower for a girlfriend? I didnt say that. Id never say that. Honey, Im sorry, I didnt mean to upset you. Hey, look at me.

Carrie, honey, please dont do this, not today, its Christmas CARRIE. Im sorry. I hate being like this. I dont want to be this irritating, whining person. I just I just really want your family to like me. MATTHEW.