Szulgit Mark K. - Perfectionism and Gifted Children

Perfectionism and Gifted Children

Second Edition

Rosemary Callard-Szulgit

Illustrated by

Mark K. Szulgit

Rowman & Littlefield Education

A division of

Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.

Lanham New York Toronto Plymouth, UK

Preface

I am a recovering perfectionist. I never realized I was until thirty-five years ago when I began teaching a self-contained fourth-grade class of gifted children in a suburban school district of Rochester, New York. Within two days, I was stunned to see personality traits in my students that were identical to my own traits. I saw so much of myself in my students: not wanting to make a mistake; not realizing when enough was really enough (in projects and creative activities); concentrating on the perfect grade rather than enjoying the learning; fearfulness of using my sense of humor (in case my thoughts wouldnt really be funny); never feeling I was smart enough, even though in third grade I tested posthigh school in all the achievement-test scores; giving too much credit to what others thought rather than having confidence in what I was thinking or creating; worrying about things that in reality werent that important (age and hindsight are wonderful teachers). On and on the list proceeds.

I also saw all the wonderful traits I admire and appreciate in gifted nine-year-olds: wide-eyed innocence; loving, caring kindness; energy; a strong sense of morality; musical talents; artistic, sensitive, intuitive talents; highly reflective thinking abilities; shyness; gregariousness; leadership; wanting to be accepted; wanting to be cared for; wanting to please; avoiding work that requires thinking (they were used to getting As because they already knew the material). On and on this list goes toopositive qualities and inspirations for all children!

Since writing the first edition of this book in 2003, I can happily say I continue to be a recovering perfectionist. However, I better understand that admitting this status to my readers was initially fun, and now I firmly know this is easier said than done! Last month I realized I had been misspelling my orthopedic surgeons last name. I shuddered when I realized the error and have yet to send him a note of apology. Here, in front of the world, I admit my spelling mistake... sorry, Dr. Gorczyca!

Perfectionism is a wound. It hurts immensely and casts a cloud or shadow even on the sunniest of days. It can affect self-worth, relationships in families, relationships at work, even leisure time while youre playing and having fun.

My intention is not to present a gloom-and-doom picture about perfectionism. A sunny day with clouds in Arizona is still a beautiful day. Enjoying a walk around downtown Charleston when I visit is still exhilarating.

My intention with this book is to help gifted children and their parents gain a better understanding of perfectionism and how it affects their lives. Its sometimes hard to begin healing when were not aware that a wound exists.

Besides, I can more thoroughly understand now what being a recovering perfectionist is all about. Clouds, errors, misspellings, and less-than-perfect jobs accomplished dont stress me (or a least only minimally, compared to thirty-five years ago)!

I worked very hard to reach this stage in my life. How I accomplished this is related in chapter 6, How to Recover from Perfectionism, which also contains further suggestions.

Ive also included a chapter entitled Who Are the Gifted and Talented? There continues to be such a misunderstanding encompassing gifted children and how to serve them educationally. We now know that what works for gifted children works for all children. We know that using an inclusive process rather than an exclusive program is a much healthier way to assimilate the education for our gifted children into todays schools, avoiding the labels of youre gifted/youre not and youre in/youre out! Were erasing the dividing lines between the supposed haves and have-nots. Teachers cannot do it alone. Parents, administrators, and volunteers must help. As the school days demand increased responsibilities, our educators are desperately trying to serve children with a multitude of thinking levels and varied emotional development in their classrooms.

All children deserve to be educated at their cognitive levels. All children deserve to be happy and joyful. All children deserve to thrive in their accomplishments and creative endeavors.

No child should hurt, and perfectionism hurts!

May this book provide all of you reading it the understanding and support you need to love and nurture your wonderful children, working positively with your schools and educators, undoing any negative effects of perfectionism!

You can do it!

I did!

Ill help you every step of the way.

What Is Perfectionism?

Throughout my entire career in education, I have vehemently and continually stated that the number one social and emotional issue gifted children need to deal with is perfectionism. Not only does perfectionism hurt physically and emotionally, but it can interfere with relationships with family members, peers, teachers, coaches, neighbors, roommates, colleagues, business partners, and friends.

I am a recovering perfectionist. I can laugh saying it now, but I spent many of my younger years suffering with the pain of perfectionism. I can clearly remember the Sunday I was playing the Toccata and Fugue in F Minor. I was twelve years old and organist at the First Presbyterian Church in Medina, New York. I made a chord mistake and spent the afternoon crying on my bed because I was such a failure in my own mind and heart. Every week between the ages of twelve and eighteen, I prepared the organ music for the Sunday services. Can you imagine? I thought I was a failure because I would make an occasional playing error. Now I wonder how I could even assume that much responsibility at such a young and vulnerable age.