Lisa Van Gemert - Perfectionism: A Practical Guide to Managing Never Good Enough

Perfectionism:

A Practical Guide to Managing

Never Good Enough

Cover design: Okomota

Interior design: Trish Lewis

Copyright 2018/2019 by Gifted Guru Publishing

All rights reserved. Published in 2019

Printed in the United States of America

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without the written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations.

ISBN 9781793867674

Praise for

Perfectionism: A Practical Guide to

Managing

Never Good Enough

Finally, a book on perfectionism that delivers on its promise of managing the "never good enough" lives of those perfectionists we love, live with and teach. Lisa Van Gemert's highly-readable and engaging book marries theory and practice with exquisite clarity, providing sound advice to educators and parents who are dealing with perfectionism in themselves or others. Her writing style is so comfortable that, as you read her book, you will feel that you are sitting across from Lisa having an important and enjoyable conversation. Filled with allusions to Greek myths, Winnie the Pooh, psychological research and Leonard Cohen song lyrics, Perfectionism: A practical guide to managing 'never good enough, does what it set out to do: engages readers in a thoughtful, fun and important discussion of a topic that impacts the lives of many children and adults.

~ James R. Delisle, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Education (Retired), Kent State University. Co-author of When Gifted Kids Don't Have All the Answers and 19 other books.

Packed with practical ideas parents and teachers can readily implement to help those struggling with perfectionism, this book is the PERFECT resource to help adults teach and model happy imperfection.

~ Ed Amend, Psy.D., Clinical psychologist and former Board member, Supporting Emotional Needs of Gifted

W ho better to write a book about perfectionism than a recovering perfectionist? Lisa Van Gemert is just that person. She offers invaluable new insights on perfectionism as a tendency and not a label which enables smart strategies for those debilitated by its multi-faceted nature and real-life consequences. It is a must-read for parents and teachers struggling to understand the young perfectionists in their lives.

~ Lisa Conrad, Owner, Gifted Parenting Support, and Moderator of Global #gtchat Powered by TAGT on Twitter.

L isa Van Gemert is your guide out of Perfectionland! She intimately knows the challenges of perfectionism and gives inspiration and a roadmap for a life filled with joy, while still pursuing your personal best. The stories and strategies in these pages can literally transform lives and allow those you care about to accept who they are and live fully while embracing life's journey.

~ Dan Peters, Ph.D.

Clinical Psychologist and co-founder of Summit Center, and author of

Make Your Worrier a Warrior: A Guide to Conquering Your Childs Fears and related books.

V an Gemert draws on diverse theories and narratives and offers refreshing insight to our understanding perfectionism. The strategies and models for managing perfectionism in this book could be life-changing.

~ Todd Kettler, Ph.D., College of Education. University of North Texas

T his book was a pleasure to read. The examples Lisa used all felt like people I know. Lisa Van Gemert's examples felt very familiar, which was a tremendous comfort. I wish I had known these strategies in raising my own highly capable children. Her suggestions make good sense for busy parents and teachers who might find that some of the ideas would be useful for themselves.

I have already begun using ideas from this book and have recommended it to others. This will be a truly useful addition to my classroom library. Full of commonsense advice for parents and teachers, and a good helping of humor, the logical strategies will be easy to try at home and at school. It reads like a conversation with a wise friend who understands how perfectionists struggle and knows how to translate ideas into action.

~ Jane Hesslein, M.A., Humanities teacher, Seattle Country Day School and former Board member, Supporting Emotional Needs of Gifted

Dedication

For Steve

Thank you for being the president of my fan club. Ewigkeit.

Acknowledgments

I 'll never forget the day that Dr. James Webb told me he'd heard a SENGinar I'd done on perfectionism and ended with, "Have you thought of writing a book?" I don't think I fully appreciated that he was serious until, somehow, I found myself working on a manuscript. In addition to Jim's early belief in me, confidence I still feel amazed by, I was helped by the confidence and encouragement of so many others.

At the very real risk of neglecting someone, I would like to acknowledge some of the generous help I have been given that made it possible to bring this book to fruition.

My best friend, Patti Bear, read the first tentative chapters with a keen eye. A therapist, she kept me honest and on track where my ideas brushed up against mental health issues. Mistakes are mine; accuracies are hers. Laurie Westphal, author, colleague, and friend, figuratively held my hand through the entire process, sharing ideas, suggestions, feedback, and support. Luckily, cell phones have unlimited minutes now, or I would owe her hundreds of dollars in phone bills in addition to my gratitude.

I have learned at the feet of so many greats, including most notably Dr. Dan Peters and Dr. Ed Amend. In my opinion, these two men are titans in the world of giftedness, especially our gifted children who suffer. It was in a professional development with them that I knew I wanted to do more than learn; I wanted to contribute.

There would have been no book had there been no students, for that is where I learned what worked (and often what didn't). My own children, Gregory, Jonathan, and Joseph, are witnesses to my most stunning imperfections, yet they have been a well of support that has never run dry.

Abraham Lincoln famously said, "All that I am every am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother." I will borrow those words to use for my own mother, Margaret Ross, a woman of incredible strength and determination who raised me to believe that I could and should do something worthwhile with every good gift and talent I was given. She can also tell a story like nobody's business, and I've tried to learn her art.