Lisa Stough - The Heavens of Idolatry: Shedding the Gods of Perfectionism

The Heavens of Idolatry

Shedding the Gods of Perfectionism

LISA STOUGH

Copyright 2015 Lisa Stough.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

All scripture quoted from NASB (Zondervan) unless otherwise noted.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-0584-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-0585-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-0583-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015912222

WestBow Press rev. date: 8/20/2015

TABLE OF CONTENTS

As a professional counselor, I often encounter people finding themselves imprisoned by the lies of perfectionism. The belief that perfection defines worth, value and purpose misleads them down a road of shattered hope and lies. Lisa has done an excellent job of speaking to the lies of perfectionism with Biblical truth leading the reader to a restored hope. When we can truly understand that Gods power is made perfect in our weakness, we can begin to rejoice in our imperfection.

Chez Barbosa, M.Ed.

Counselor, True Vine Counseling Services, LLC

In her engaging and personal style, Lisa shares her gradual release from the idols of perfectionism in light of the deep and beautiful truths she has learned from Scripture about her true identity and relationship with God. A provocative and practical book.

Dr. Richard Winter, author of Perfecting Ourselves to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism

The Heavens of Idolatry is a well-researched, thoughtfully crafted, beautifully honest book about the lies of perfectionism and the truth that leads to freedom. Youll be challenged and changed by it. And youll like Lisa so much, youll wish you could take her for coffee.

Amanda Jenkins, author of Confessions of a Raging Perfectionist: Learning to be Free

The cover photo of the book you are holding depicts the five year old hands of my daughter, Sophia. Five year olds are messy. As adults we forget that life never stops being messy. The work of our own hands is messy. God Himself is messy, too. As my children have taught me, you cant learn if you dont get messy. We create. We explore. We dig in deep. And its messy. My sincere appreciation goes out to my children, Sophia, Ethan, and Josiah, who have created a better mom for themselves just by the dissonance they incite and the unconditional love that comes with it.

God has raised up spiritual warriors with whom Ive marched side-by-side in the battles described in this book. I owe immeasurable gratitude to those who have tolerated all of my absurdities while excavating this diamond from the rough. I know I still need refining, so be patient; Gods not finished with me yet. I extend my gratitude to those who have helped me get anchored in the truth of who I am in Christ. I thank God for Darlene who first called me out on perfectionism. It never stopped nagging me until I dealt with it.

Karen has been my lifelong friend and encourager. We make a great team. Im so glad she doesnt hold my English degree against me. She loaned me her keen eye and helpful suggestions on this project, and wasnt afraid to make corrections and suggestions to a book on perfectionism. How brave!

My dear friend, Ruth Ann Hafner, was my writing mentor as a young high school student, and many years later joined the small editing team for this project. After all these years, she still accepts me for who I am and am becoming as a person and as a writer. She was a part of this book anyway because of her influence in my development. Im truly honored.

My husband sacrificed much personal time so I could write this book because he believes in this message as much as I do. Its been a growing experience for both of us. We have learned how to balance book writing and time for each other in the craziness of family life. Ryan is my Pearl of Great Price, chosen in so many ways. Hes been my rock.

And to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, it is not the work of my own hands that I worship; I worship You who inspires and breathes life into it, not for the praise of men but for the glory You receive from the work You do in us all when You call me to it. Theres no place Id rather be.

Im an amateur at most things, but when it comes to perfectionism, I am not. Several years ago I asked my trusty therapist if she saw any issues in my life that needed work. She said, Not unless you want to work on perfectionism. I proved her assessment to be quite accurate by my response, No, I think I have that under control. With a reply like that, one wonders why a therapist would even let a client escape the office. I obviously had yet to see it for the beast that it was and could not be forced into seeing it outside of Gods timing.

Four years later, my husbands job crisis spawned wellsprings of personal growth for both of us. I came out a better person for the trial and then prayed to God a heartfelt prayer inspired by Christian song artist Jason Gray, Lord, remind me who I am. Quite a risky prayer to pray in honesty and sincerity. Little did I know how God was about to answer! This prayer changed the course of my spiritual journey. With nary the chance to renege, God began lovingly answering my prayer by echoing my therapists invitation, Lets take a look at perfectionism, Lisa. The veil was lifted, and a great adventure began. Realizing that my identity wasnt as secure as I thought it was, I read several books, articles, weblogs and online resources about perfectionism in addition to my own soul searching and Bible study on the subject. It is from this ongoing learning experience that I write this book.

When seeking the Lords direction, I couldnt figure out why the world needed another book about perfectionism. Of course, there was a lot more to our conversation, but the point He made clear to me was that believers in Christ, and even those who are not, need to understand how serious the problem of perfectionism truly is. Its not just a womans problem or a mans problem or specific to a profession or subculture or context. Its not just a bad habit one should hope to kick someday. It truly is idolatry, and idolatry is a serious problem in a relationship with God; or, if not already in a relationship with Him, it will inhibit progress towards establishing that relationship. Perfectionism is far more pervasive than most would think. Because its roots are tied into our sinful nature, every human being is susceptible to it.

Fear of not being in control of our lives is the girth belt that saddles us with the burden of perfectionism. To make matters worse, this world is a scary place, and as a general rule, it is not going to get better; it promises to get worse. The evening news bombards us with unconscionable images that evoke fear on top of fear. The person next to us no longer is just carrying a backpack; now it is an explosive device capable of destroying lives. The airplane flying too low overhead is no longer just an airplane; its a potential missile reminiscent of an attack that killed thousands and left countless others psychologically and physically wounded in its wake. An emotionally disturbed student doesnt just need a visit with the school counselor; he is now put on watch as a potential mass murderer. Another boy never makes it home from the bus stop thats in front of his house. Security is ramped up at midnight superhero movies for fear of a viewers psychotic rampage. And public facilities and churches are now equipped and trained for mass triages in case of sudden natural disaster. It is culturally numbing and leaves parents scrambling for alternative education choices, and thousands more walking in a post-traumatic stupor.