Ong - The Anxious Perfectionist: How to Manage Perfectionism-Driven Anxiety Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

This eminently readable and relatable book illuminates the path to freedom for those on a quixotic quest for perfectionism. The authors guide the reader in understanding how perfectionism fails as a formula for living ones life, and endorse action consistent with values rather than feelings. So, if you or a loved one have perfectionism, or you provide care for those who do, this is without question a must-have for your library.

Nancy Keuthen, PhD , associate professor at Harvard Medical School; and chief psychologist at the Center for OCD and Related Disorders at Massachusetts General Hospital

While perfectionism may promise you achievement and satisfaction, it instead leaves you strung out, unfulfilled, and never feeling good enough. Built on a bedrock of what their research has shown to work, Clarissa Ong and Mike Twohig have written a warm, engaging, and practical guide to unwinding the binds of perfectionism. Follow in their footsteps to experience the freedom of living your life more flexibly and with greater compassion for imperfection.

Jennifer Kemp, MPsych , clinical psychologist, and author of The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism

If you want to be more fully the person you actually want to be, not just the person your perfectionism says you should be, then this book will help. Using research-based strategies, it will help you become clearer on what you want your life to be about, overcome procrastination and rumination, and be kinder to yourself while also staying engaged and effective in life and relationships.

Jason Luoma, PhD , CEO at Portland Psychotherapy, shame and compassion researcher, and coauthor of Learning ACT and Values in Therapy

Anxious perfectionism is a trap that can lead to surprising problems. Whether you are perfectionistic yourself, or have a perfectionist in your life, you dont want to miss this book! Clarissa Ong and Michael Twohig unpack perfectionism with relatable examples, humor, and deep understanding of its complexity. Youll learn how to be kinder toward yourself, get out of the anxiety-perfectionism cycle, and reconnect with what matters most in your life.

Debbie Sorensen, PhD , coauthor of ACT Daily Journal , and cohost of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast

Have you ever heard the saying, Dont let perfect be the enemy of good, but struggled to find a way to put it into practice? Let this book be your (imperfect) guide. Clarissa Ong and Michael Twohig offer people suffering from maladaptive perfectionism an evidence-based model for letting go of the habits that tyrannize them, and giving themselves permission to be human.

Matthew S. Boone, LCSW , peer-reviewed acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) trainer, and coauthor of Stop Avoiding Stuff

Carissa Ong and Michael Twohig have written a must-read book on overcoming the dark side of perfectionism: anxiety, worry, self-torture, and inaction. I am familiar with all of these states, and probably would have finished my education a year earlier if I had read this book. The authors take the reader on a journey that shows them what harmful perfectionism is, and how to overcome it and embrace the value of each moment.

Joseph Ciarrochi , renowned scientist, author, and coauthor of What Makes You Stronger

Perfectionism is, at its core, an anxiety-based problem, in that perfectionists are anxious about coming up short, making mistakes, or even failing completely. Written by two internationally respected experts, The Anxious Perfectionist will teach you how to move past perfectionism though acceptance, mindfulness, self-compassion, and living life to the fullest. The book is filled with powerful methods for giving up the need for constant control and living a values-driven life based on what matters most to you. Everyone who struggles with perfectionism and anxiety should read this book!

Martin M. Antony, PhD, ABPP , professor in the department of psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto, ON, Canada; and coauthor of When Perfect Isnt Good Enough and The Anti-Anxiety Program

The old way was to tell people to stop and let go of those perfectionistic behaviors. The new way is to acknowledge the challenge, difficulties, and struggles that come with perfectionism, and to compassionately teach skills thatone by onelead a person to live a rich and peaceful life. In this book, Ong and Twohig, in a very real, compassionate, and skillful way, show their deep understanding of how the fear of messing things up, anxiety, search for perfection, urges to keep yourself busy, struggles with uncertainty, and not-good-enough stories interact with one another behind all perfectionistic behaviors. This is a perfect book for those prone to perfectionism! If you wonder how you can achieve more without losing yourself, then make sure to read this book! This book will help you to find your way in this imperfect, unpredictable, and uncertain life!

Patricia E. Zurita Ona, PsyD , author of Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors and Living Beyond OCD Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Copyright 2022 by Clarissa W. Ong and Michael P. Twohig

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup

Cover illustration by Sara Christian

Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis Hansen

Edited by Cindy Nixon

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Ong, Clarissa W., author. | Twohig, Michael P., author.

Title: The anxious perfectionist : how to manage perfectionism-driven anxiety using acceptance and commitment therapy / Clarissa W. Ong, Michael P. Twohig.

Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, [2022] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021045014 | ISBN 9781684038459 (trade paperback)

Subjects: LCSH: Perfectionism (Personality trait) | Acceptance and commitment therapy. | Anxiety.

Classification: LCC BF698.35.P47 O65 2022 | DDC 155.2/32--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021045014

This book is dedicated to our clients, for finding the strength to be vulnerable.

Contents

Foreword

Over a century ago, Pierre Janet, a French psychologist and physician, saw in some of his patients a profound sense of incompleteness. This feeling tortured them, leading to intense doubts about the quality of not only their actions, but their perceptions as well. To cope with these doubts, they strove for perfection in both thought and deed. Their inability to achieve it led to even more intense efforts to avoid mistakes. The result was what Janet called psychasthenia , a combination of what we now consider a group of separate disorders consisting of obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, and mood disorders.

A few decades later, psychoanalyst Karen Horney saw something similar in her anxious patients who coped by trying to live up to idealized and perfectionistic images of themselves. These attempts were characterized by personal imperatives meant to guide behavior. Horney described these imperatives as the tyranny of the shouldrigid dictates with which it was necessary to comply (I should never make a mistake; I should never get less than an A). Albert Ellis called such thinking musterbationabsolute and unrealistic demands for perfect performance. This book explores the shoulds and musts that characterize perfectionistic thinking and lead to emotional pain. If you see yourself in the descriptions of this type of thinking, you will come to understand just how harmful it is.