Jennifer Kemp - The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism: Build Your Best (Imperfect) Life Using Powerful Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Self-Compassion Skills

Hands down the best, most helpful book on perfectionism Ive ever encountered. A must-read for anyone looking to escape the cage of self-imposed perfectionistic expectations and behaviors.

Jill A. Stoddard, PhD , author of Be Mighty , coauthor of The Big Book of ACT Metaphors , and cohost of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast

The irony of this book is that it is a perfect workbook to help you reduce your struggle with perfectionism. Jennifer Kemps gentle voice feels like a warm, compassionate blanket that is there to soothe you and help you to create a kinder relationship with yourself.

Janina Scarlet, PhD , award-winning author of Superhero Therapy

Jennifer Kemp has created a wonderful workbook for those struggling with clinical perfectionism. Using skills from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), you can learn to use your perfectionism when it works for you, and not be held back by it when it tries to slow you down. Practicing what is in this book can improve your life.

Michael Twohig, PhD , professor at Utah State University, and coauthor of The Anxious Perfectionist

In The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism , Jennifer Kemp generously offers her expertise alongside her lived experience to lead the reader through a tough but potentially life-changing journey. It empowers readers with the latest scientific approaches for understanding and unwinding the grip of perfectionism, and inspires readers with relatable stories and actionable exercises. Anyone who finds themselves seeing whats best as the only acceptable way forward should pick up this book as a first step in building their best, imperfect life.

Emily K. Sandoz, PhD , endowed professor of social sciences, and graduate coordinator at University of Louisiana at Lafayette

Jennifer Kemp is not perfect, and that makes this book perfect. Her voice is so relatable and honest, its like a conversation. Drawing on personal and client experience, the book is warm and accessible, whilst also being structured, interactive, and academically impressive. Kemp uses the latest science of behavior change, delivered in an engaging series of exercises and readings, to help you change your own perfectionist habits.

David Gillanders , head of clinical and health psychology at the University of Edinburgh

At last, a workbook for perfectionists that is practical, heartfelt, and based on the science of ACT. It is packed with practical tools, readings, exercises, and ideas for change. This is a wonderful resource for helping you do the things that really matter, and getting your demanding, critical self-talk out of the drivers seat. It will help you create a life you care about.

Louise Hayes, PhD , clinical psychologist; and coauthor of The Thriving Adolescent ; Your Life, Your Way ; and Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teens

Perfectionism can lead to that frozen and self-critical place where individuals feel overwhelmed and unable to move forward. Jennifer Kemp has offered an alternative to this suffering in The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism . She guides readers through a process that is both helpful and compassionate. A fantastic resource for self-guided work in letting go and embracing the imperfect! She has developed this book to support healthy engagement in life.

Robyn D. Walser, PhD , licensed clinical psychologist; author of The Heart of ACT ; and coauthor of Learning ACT , The Mindful Couple , Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for the Treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Trauma-Related Problems , and The ACT Workbook for Anger

Do you ever feel trapped in the struggle for perfection? Then this book is for you. Not only is it packed with practical and manageable suggestions on how to take small, imperfect steps toward building a life you love. It teaches you how to no longer be held back by fear of failure, criticism, or unhelpful high standards. I truly love this book. And I am sure you will too.

Rikke Kjelgaard , licensed psychologist, author, and expert in ACT

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Copyright 2021 by Jennifer Kemp

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Sara Christain

Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Kemp, Jennifer (Psychologist), author.

Title: The ACT workbook for perfectionism : build your best (imperfect) life using powerful acceptance & commitment therapy and self-compassion skills / Jennifer Kemp, MPsych.

Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, [2021] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021024778 | ISBN 9781684038077 (trade paperback)

Subjects: LCSH: Perfectionism (Personality trait) | Acceptance and commitment therapy.

Classification: LCC RC569.5.P45 K46 2021 | DDC 616.89/1425--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021024778

To Maggie, Lachlan, and Paristhank you for the hugs.

Contents

Foreword

I love this advice: Everything good comes from patterns of practice, rather than any single great act. Another piece of every important practice has been falling. Learning to walk involves falling. Learning to be a partner, teacher, parent, has involved a lot of falling. I have learned to let falling be a part of my practice. People unwilling to fall do not get to know new and difficult things. When my daughter started college, my good friend and mentor Kelly Wilson wrote this to her.

By refusing to fall, perfectionism steals our opportunity to practice falling and the chance to learn from it. Our perfectionist minds are stealthy and convincing, promising excellence, security, and invulnerabilityif only we get it right. They tell us that to be perfect equals safety; that when we arrive at perfect we will have truly accomplished. They promise that if we work our hardest and do all things perfectly, or if we avoid doing them entirely to protect against negative evaluation or failure, we wont ever have to feel things like shame, unworthiness, incompetence. For some, that story is so compelling we may even feel that if we cant live a perfect life, then maybe it isnt worth it to be alive.

All of these are lies. Our perfectionist minds keep moving the finish line over and over, farther and farther away. No matter how hard we tryno matter how many other parts of our lives we sacrifice at the altar of perfectionwe are never done and we are never, ever enough. If we leave our perfectionism unexamined, we may be left with a life full of regrets. Dear reader, here is my wish for you: Dont let this be you. May you allow this book to be the fulcrum point on which your life begins to shift.

If you have this book in your hands and are reading these words, welcome. You belong here. You are one of us who strives for excellence in ways that are sometimes deeply unhelpful and downright harmful. You say: But I need my perfectionism; that critical voice in my head is essential to my success. And indeed, when we get things right that perfectionist piece of us is, for just a moment, satisfied. But what if there is another way to live, one in which you choose a more balanced life that harnesses your perfectionism more effectively? What if that life could touch a deeper sense of meaning, and purpose, and connection? What if you could experience a sense of wholeness, of gratitude for being in the world?