Zucker Bonnie - A Perfectionists Guide to Not Being Perfect

W elcome to A Perfectionists Guide to Not
Being Perfect! Whether this book was
something you picked out, was given to you,
or is something youre using as part of therapy,
I hope you will find the ideas and suggestions
useful and ultimately life-changing. My name
is Dr. Bonnie Zucker, and I am a psychologist in
private practice in Rockville, MD, just outside
of Washington, D.C. I specialize in anxiety,
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), stress,
and related issues, including perfectionism. I
feel very grateful to love my work and be able to
see so many young people succeed in therapy
and overcome obstacles and challenges. I have

met many teens with perfectionism that has
caused great interference in their lives, and
have watched them become free from the hold
it had over them. I have also watched their self
confidence flourish as a result.

With this book, I want you to be able to achieve
that, too. First, well talk about what perfectionism
is: how it affects your life, and why you would
even want to change it. First, well talk about the
ways perfectionism may be holding you back, and
what the real ingredients for a successful life are.
Then well get to the nitty-gritty: how to challenge
your perfectionism. Ill share my best tools and
strategies, and give you realistic advice for finding
your own way through it. Well talk about why
breaking out of your comfort zone and learning
to fail are important parts of lifeand can even
be blessings in disguise! And finally, well talk
about how to manage stress and live a balanced,
restorative, and relaxing life.

You too can overcome perfectionism. You
too can become free to live life fully, confidently,
and happily, while still being accomplished and
successful. That is my wish for you. Now lets begin
by understanding perfectionism.

not made a mistake in the piano recital during
your audition. Now more than ever your grades
need to be perfect. You really want 100% on this
quiz so you can guarantee your A and maintain
you perfect GPA on your transcript. You have to
apply for college soon. And music school is so
competitive!

Or: Tennis is your passion and youve been
playing since you were five years old. Youve
been on a school team since middle school and now,
in high school, youre playing in tournaments and
regularly competing as part of a university program
for teens. Over the past year, its become harder and
harder to just play and enjoy your sport; instead you
are in your head constantly critiquing your every
stroke and beating yourself up when you miss a
point. How could you miss that? Youre supposed to
be better than that. This is embarrassing. With all of
these critical thoughts flowing through your head,
youre not performing up to your ability. After
tournaments, you watch videos of yourself playing
and struggle to find anything good to focus on; its
just all about how many points you missed and how
you are getting worse, not better!

Or: Its 4:00 pm and you begin getting ready
for a party that starts at 7:00. Your friends are
coming over at 6:00 to get you, and you need at

least two hours to make yourself look right. There
is no way you can leave the house unless you look
perfect. Your outfit has to be ideal, your makeup
needs to be perfect, your hair fully done. You start
trying on clothes and it takes a full hour to figure
out what to wear. Then another hour on makeup
and hair. When your friends get there at 6:00, you
are near tears because you hate how you look, and
make them wait 30 minutes. One of them helps
you change your outfit, even though shes annoyed
because this happens all the time!

Perfectionism, or being a perfectionist, is
something you may or may not identify with.
Some people know they are perfectionists, and
others dont really see themselves that way (in
which case you might have been given this book
by someone who thinks you should read it). We
know that perfectionism exists on a spectrum, like
other issues such as anxiety, ranging from mild to
extreme. On the mild side, someone may spend
more time than is needed checking over their work,