Alexis Dubief - Precious Little Sleep

S leep is like air: you dont give it much thought until you cant get enough of it, then its all you can think about.

It seems that sleep should happen naturally, like pooping. You might, therefore, reasonably assume that babies will simply fall asleep when they need to.

But they dont.

Newborns need a lot of coaching from us to fall asleep. Its easy to do whatever works to make that happen for the first few weeks because sleep is often scarce then, and hard to achieve. As those weeks stretch into months, however, the whatever works strategy will trap you with crap naps and bad nights.

Many people have experienced discrete periods of severe sleep deprivationpulling an all-nighter for finals, going through basic training, taking a red-eyebut none of those prepare you for the relentless exhaustion that comes from months or years of parenting a non-sleeping child.

On top of the chronic sleep deprivation is massive stressthe feeling that you are failing your child, because they are also chronically sleep deprived. Nothing is more painful than watching your child, whom you adore, go through an entire fussy day of micronaps, or trying to coax an overtired child to sleep at bedtime... and then again at 11 p.m., 1 a.m., 2 a.m., etc., all while knowing that your child needs to sleep better but feeling lost as to how to help them do so.

A pervasive myth claims that sustained severe sleep deprivation is the price of parenting, one you should quietly endure because you love your children.

But the truth is that healthy sleep is not optional: its essentialfor our children and for us. Endless exhaustion is neither necessary nor beneficial. The drive to help your child sleep well is not selfish but rooted in the knowledge that sleep is best for their health and well-being.

Ive done my best to create a resource that will give you all the knowledge, tools, and strategies you need to establish healthy sleep for your family. Unfortunately, the realm of infant sleep information is often confusing and full of contradictory advice, making it seem enormously complicated.

But it isnt. It boils down to a half-dozen fundamental goals:

1. Ensuring safe sleep

2. Providing loads of soothing for younger babies

3. Sleeping at the right time

4. Establishing independent sleep

5. Closing the all-night restaurant

6. Being consistent

This book presents strategies that support these goals, and guidelines on how to apply those strategies based on your childs age and temperament and your parenting philosophy. If you follow the advice in this book, you can be confident that youre doing all you can to foster healthy sleep for your family.

Parents are notoriously short on time for leisure reading. If youre a Level 6 Sleep Wizard, feel free to use the table of contents to skip to the relevant chapters for your situation.

However, most people should just go ahead and read the entire book. Now youre probably thinking, What is this madness? Ive been wearing the same underpants for a week, and if I dont have time to deal with underpants, I definitely dont have time to read even half a book. I hear you, I really do. Also, Im totally not judging you about the underpants situation.

If reading the whole book is simply impossible and youre the parent of a newborn, focus on

• Chapter 1Baby Sleep: Essentials

• Chapter 2The Party That Is Newborn Sleep

• Chapter 5Baby Sleep Power Tools

  If you are the parent of a 4- to 6-month-old, try to carve out time for

• Chapter 1Baby Sleep: Essentials

• Chapter 3Bedtime Is the New Happy Hour

• Chapter 4How Babies Sleep

• Chapter 5Baby Sleep Power Tools

• Chapter 6Teaching Baby to Sleep, Part 1: SWAP

• Chapter 7Teaching Baby to Sleep, Part 2: SLIP

• Chapter 9Eating and Not Sleeping

• Chapter 10Becoming the Zen Nap Ninja Master

If your child is 6 to 12 months old, take a gander at

• Chapter 3Bedtime Is the New Happy Hour

• Chapter 4How Babies Sleep

• Chapter 6Teaching Baby to Sleep, Part 1: SWAP

• Chapter 7Teaching Baby to Sleep, Part 2: SLIP

• Chapter 9Eating and Not Sleeping

• Chapter 10Becoming the Zen Nap Ninja Master

• Chapter 11Why, When, and How to Wean Off Your Sleep Power Tools

  If your child is a toddler or preschooler, start with

• Chapter 4How Babies Sleep

• Chapter 13Older Kids, Siblings, and Twins

Chapter 12, (Un)common Sleep Setbacks, addresses less common issues, so dip in there if youve ruled out the more obvious causes of sleep struggles.

The appendix, Potential Medical Complications for Sleep, wont apply to 95% of you because the issues it presents are fairly rare. If, however, you suspect that your child is sleeping poorly due to something more than because babies, the information there can form the basis for an informed conversation with your pediatrician.

This book combines what the scientific and medical communities understand about sleep and safety with things Ive identified over my years of working with families. Science does not yet have answers to all of lifes questions, so some of the recommendations here are based on personal observations. However, Ive cited scientific references wherever possible so that you can identify what is based on research versus my own experience.

I have made my best effort to share with you all the knowledge Ive gleaned from research, other parents, and my experience with loads of babies. I try to keep things light and to give you options you can match to your situation and parenting style. Im not here to judge you or demand that you adhere to my framework, but instead to give you guideposts upon which to develop your babys healthy sleep habits.

At times, helping our children sleep can seem like a monumental task. Something that will take months, require an enormous investment in gear, and is more than a little terrifying. Like hiking Kilimanjaro. Ive been there too, at the base of the mountain, thinking, This is a terrible idea.

And now Im at the top, saying, Hey buddy, come on up! Its not nearly as bad as you think itll be. And the view from up here is spectacular!

B efore I had children, I figured that billions of people have babies, so how hard can it really be?

Then I had a baby.

When Duncan was born, I had zero practical experience with babies. What was I going to do with this tiny creature? I was lost. Nursing, crying, swaddling... they had all seemed so simple in the baby class.

I full-on panicked.

Eventually, I calmed down and got a handle on the basics: how to change diapers without getting poop on myself, how to nurse a newborn (when you do something 18 hours a day, you get good at it pretty quickly), how to cut baby fingernails without cutting actual baby (note: I still dont know how to do this), how to feed the baby (apparently the way to feed him was to do so endlessly).

Except Duncan cried a lot. And when he wasnt crying, he was complaining... about being in the grocery store, being in the car, having his clothes changed, taking a bath, reading books, going out in the stroller, playing on the floor... The only time he wasnt crying or complaining was when he was nursing. So we did a lot of that.