Jeffrey Andrew Weinstock - The Mad Scientist’s Guide to Composition

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2020 Jeffrey Andrew Weinstock

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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: The mad scientists guide to composition* : a somewhat cheeky but exceedingly useful introduction to academic writing : *now with 100% more monsters! / Jeffrey Andrew Weinstock.

Names: Weinstock, Jeffrey Andrew, author.

Description: Not as seen on TV. | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20190170026 | Canadiana (ebook) 20190170034 | ISBN 9781554814459 (softcover) | ISBN 9781770487239 (PDF) | ISBN 9781460406793 (HTML)

Subjects: LCSH: Academic writingHandbooks, manuals, etc. | LCSH: Report writingHandbooks, manuals, etc. | LCSH: English languageRhetoricHandbooks, manuals, etc. | LCGFT: Handbooks and manuals.

Classification: LCC LB2369 .W45 2019 | DDC 808.02dc23

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Edited by Tania Therien

Book design by Michel Vrana

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YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE THERE ISNOTHINGYOUD RATHER do than polish your writing skills, am I right?

Good, were on the same page. (Both literally and figuratively.)

And I know that your being here has absolutely nothing to do with the course being a requirement.

Nope, certainly not.

You are obviously here because you love writing and would have taken this course under any circumstances. In fact, like most students, I have no doubt you were chomping at the bit to take freshman English (or the equivalentyour situation may vary).

Also, because you are obviously highly intelligent (as well as good looking), I can tell that you are the sort of person who appreciates that knowing the difference between

Lets eat, Grandma!

and

Lets eat Grandma!

can save livesand I know you dont want Grandmas death on your hands (if only because you need to save that card to play when you forget about your Chemistry midterm. But I didnt say that).

We get each other. Its refreshing to meet a kindred soul.

But heres the weird thing. And I know you are going to find this hard to believe, but there are actually some people who arent crazy about writing. Weird, huh?

Why is that? Well, yes, we do have to acknowledge that writing takes effort. As with acquiring any other skill, writing takes practice and patience. No one starts off knowing how to do a triple axel or to play guitar like Hendrix. Some people have more natural aptitude for skating or guitar (or both, I supposealthough not many people play guitar while skating; however, I can think of one memorable instance of a guy strapped to the front of a truck playing a fire-shooting guitar), but both are talents honed over time through paying attention to how others do it, practicing, getting feedback, and making adjustmentsand one involves falling on your butt repeatedly until you get it right, while the other initially results in blistered fingers.

Writing is like that too, except you are, in most cases, less likely to literally fall on your butt or bleed from your fingers. In most cases.

But the fear and dread many people experience when it comes to writing often goes much deeper than lazinessbecause, after all, you are more than willing to put time and effort into things you find fun, rewarding, or valuable.

So why dont people find writing fun, rewarding, or valuable?

If youll pardon my getting all academic for a minute, a researcher named Deborah Brandt did a study where she found that people generally had positive associations with reading. Some had favorite books growing up or remembered being read to by parents or teachers.

But writing was a different story. The people Brandt surveyed associated writing with loneliness, secrecy, and resistance (461).

A lot of the dread people feel about writing though is connected with how writing is introduced and taught to kidsand this is why, as youve no doubt anticipated, Im now going to ask you to write a 15,000-word essay on the history of the tax code operating in your state or region. It will be worth 200 per cent of your semester grade, and you will lose 5000 points for each misplaced comma. Also, it was due yesterday. Also, it can only have three paragraphs. Ready?

Im kidding, of course (or am I? If you think Im kidding, turn to topics distant, shall we say, from their interests, the stakes are high, expectations are rigid, and the feedback mostly negative. The result? Anxiety and dread, of course.

YOUR TURN

So have I nailed it or am I full of it? Write me a letter in which you describe your associations with writing and where they came from. If you have anxieties about writing, why? And what in your opinion would.])

Yes, writing takes effort, but any task is made easier when you like what youre doing, get praised for it, and feel that you are improving. (And if you honestly recognize that you are honing a skill that can enrich your life and prevent grandma cannibalism, so much the better!)

Well done to you! Remember when Dr. Seuss told you Oh! The Places Youll Go? Well, you might not have foreseen ending up in a dusty laboratory (thats pronounced Lah-BORE-a-TOR-ee. You have to get it right now that you are a mad scientist) surrounded by beakers, potions, and brains in vats, but life takes strange paths, doesnt it?